


Distress Call

by some_mad_lunge



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, I GAVE ROBERT FRIENDS, I am here for happy endings, M/M, Mentions of Suicide Attempt, Robert deserves it, Slow Burn, but also fluff, good friends and good wine, no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:16:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 73,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25216096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/some_mad_lunge/pseuds/some_mad_lunge
Summary: Years ago Robert Sugden ran away from the hills of Yorkshire to the shores of Whitby. Years ago Aaron Dingle left a bottle in the ocean with a haunting message inside. A discovery, a misunderstanding and something that feels a little bit like fate brings them together. It's up to them if they'll stay that way.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 305
Kudos: 544





	1. Message In A Bottle

There had always been something about the ocean that calmed Robert. He grew up resenting the rolling fields of Yorkshire and the shackles that came with them. Everyday was the same, every mundane hill and slope predictable with each passing hour. It made sense that when he ran away as far as he could it was to the very edge, to the sea. She was never predictable. She was never the same, except for the salt smell that permeated the air. No wave was ever exact, each crash to the shore changing the landscape again and again. 

To be fair Whitby wasn’t as far away as he expected to go when he’d left home almost a decade ago. It was just where he’d run out of petrol and money. Still it felt a universe away, the chance to be something else, someone else. More importantly it was the first time Robert felt like he could breathe without the weight of expectation crushing down on him. His world was no longer green and suffocating but instead blue and endless. 

_ Freeing _ .

That first night he’d sat with sand between his toes as he watched the sky turn from black to pink. He dug his feet in, symbolic in a way. Here is where he would stand his ground. He gave up his dream of London, accepting he was a small town lad who had just been trapped in the wrong village. He could make a home and future here, hung onto that belief as grains slipped through his fingers. When his hand closed on a perfect shell, smooth pearlescent against his thumb he took it as a sign. He’d slipped it into his coat pocket, for now his only real possession in the world.

He found a job quite easily, tourist season descending with the flow of weekenders, a tide of ever changing faces. It wasn’t much, just grunt work in a pub but it came with a small box room above the kitchen. It smelled slightly of stewed beef and barley but when he opened the small window beside his bed he could smell the sea in the air. Eventually when the season changed from summer to fall and the pub’s busy season came to an end they still kept Robert on. He still slept with his window cracked no matter what the weather outside. Always just enough to remind him how far he’d come every time he closed his eyes and dreamed.

In time he saved up his wages and sold his truck, because he had goals. He wanted to make something of himself, wanted to be someone he could be proud of. More importantly he had his father’s voice in his head, one he couldn’t ever seem to outrun..

_ You’ll never amount to anything. _

Maybe Robert wouldn’t, but it would never be for lack of trying. When he’d gotten his hands on a second hand computer it’d felt like his biggest accomplishment to date. What followed was long days of online courses and long nights pulling his weight. 

He ended up behind the bar, a fixture at the taps that eventually became one of Whitby’s own. He made friends, the kind that knew nothing of who he used to be and accepted him for who he was now. All of him. John, a chef at the pub and his long term girlfriend Diana, a primary school teacher. They were the nerdier ones, ensuring their team won almost every quiz night. Clive, the silent type who went on political rants after one too many pints. Then Jessica and her girlfriend Ruby, they ran a souvenir shop down by the water. Their stories of the tourists they met and things they saw on the beach were endlessly entertaining.

If you asked Robert he couldn’t really tell you how it happened. One day he didn’t have a friend in the world and the next he had the five of the best. 

Diane liked to joke that Robert was the one to bring them all together, mostly because of his  _ beautiful face _ . Clive usually agrees, John rolls his eyes and Jessica takes the opportunity to remind everyone she’s very gay. Ruby just shrugs and shoots Robert a wink. He’ll laugh and then buy the next round. His face is pretty nice, he can admit that.

Robert had always had a way with people, knew how to sweet talk and persuade but with his friends, maybe the first ones he’s ever really had, well he just didn’t have to. He could be himself, whatever that was and it was just accepted. It wasn’t something he’d been used to at first but with time it became as natural as blinking. 

They helped him move into his own flat when he started making enough money in graphic design to afford it. They surprise him with balloons and a cake on his birthday every damn year. They’ve taken weekend trips, silly selfies and drunk too much wine late into the night. They lament over Robert’s failed relationships and Clive’s inability to find a good man for longer than a tourist season. They laugh, they tease and sometimes they cry, but always together.

They used to joke that Robert and Clive should shack up, making them three couples strong. Ruby finally convinced them to kiss one night after too many shots. They’d ended up laughing into each other’s mouths at the horror of it. They all agree it was maybe the grossest experience of their lives and one they joked about regularly.

Somehow he had created a family of his own. Robert still called his sister every so often but it’s never easy, it’s never how he imagines it should be. It’s not like what he already has. No, Robert Sugden has what he needs and more than he thinks he deserves. He’s never on his own for the holidays, or during hard times. Never without a shoulder to lean on or someone having his back.

He is no longer floating in open waters without a tether.

But his friends are finally starting to settle down, rings on fingers and Diane’s stomach swollen with her and John’s first child. Robert is starting to wonder if it’s in the cards for him. His last relationship lasted only a few weeks, a very nice young hairstylist that Jessica and Ruby had set him up with. There was no spark and it dwindled down to them promising to stay friends but never actually speaking again.

That’s how Robert ended up at Clive’s door that night, bottle of wine in hand. Clive’s is always the reasonable one, able to get Robert out of his own head and see things for how they are. He was about to knock when he heard the sound of soft music through the open window followed by the deep warmth of Clive's laugh and the soft chuckle of an unknown voice. It clearly belonged to a male, no doubt his friend’s paramour for the summer season. Technically it hadn’t even started yet but Clive was nothing if not eager.

Robert backed away quietly, a sincere smile on his face. He debated opening up their group chat to inform everyone so they could harass Clive for details. Instead he decided that could wait until tomorrow and made his way down to the beach, bottle of red still in his hand.

The sun was about to set. Summer was around the corner and with that that came hundreds of new faces. Another season was almost here and it made him melancholy in a weird way. Robert frowned as he planted himself in the sand, removing his socks and shoes to dig his toes in. He leaned his arms on his knees and waited for the stars to come out.

He could feel like the tide turning, like something big was on the horizon. He hadn’t felt that way in years, not since he left the farm and his father behind. Back then Robert had been running from something, the person he didn’t want to be. This time it feels like he’s waiting, but for what he can’t put his finger on.

He decides alcohol is required and manages to push the cork into the bottle using his car key. If Jessica was there she’d remind Robert they weren’t 22 anymore. It makes him smile into his first sip.

He just drinks and let’s his mind wander. He’s sure that he’s being ridiculous but as the bottle empties he can’t help but think maybe he’s right where he’s supposed to be. It’s probably too romantic,  _ too soft _ , as Robert’s father would say. But he accepted that part of himself a long time ago.

In what felt like another lifetime Robert had sat on this beach and decided here was where he’d build his life. As he tipped the remains of the bottle into his mouth he made a new decision with sand between his toes. It was the stand of a man who had left the boy behind.

He would let whatever life had in store for him come to him this time. He’d spent all his life chasing and for once he wanted to stop and enjoy it. The idea made him sigh and dig his feet deeper in the sand. It was once again symbolic and silly but there was no one around to judge him for it. He laughed at himself and decided it was time to head home. The sea had once again given him the answers he needed.

Feeling good he tried to push himself up, ready to shake away the melancholy thoughts that had plagued him most of the night. Then his left foot dug into something that had him crashing onto his back. He laid there trying to figure out what had happened before sitting up and rubbing at his tender heel. The moon was just bright enough he could make out the offending shape that would have him wincing on his walk home.

It took his alcohol addled brain too long to register what he was actually seeing, finally reaching down and tugging it from the sand. It was a water bottle of some sort, plastic and caked in dirt. The lid was still on but it seemed empty. Robert went to throw it down the beach, but stopped when he heard something rattle around inside.

“Buried treasure.”

He whispered it to the stars and chuckled at his own ridiculousness. He brushed at the sand on it but the stuck dirt made looking inside, in the dark of night no less, impossible to do. Robert got his mobile out of his pocket, almost dropping it due to the sudden shaking of his hands. Surely from the wine and not because of the weird feeling in the pit of his stomach that told him this was  _ something. _

No, definitely the wine.

With the phone’s torch setting on he tried to see inside the bottle, whatever it was was white...a piece of paper? Robert shook it again but couldn’t make out whatever was rattling around in the bottom.

It was work to get the twist top off, his palm red and a little raw before it finally gave way with a slight pop. Robert sniffed the air at the rim and then rolled his eyes at himself. What the hell was smelling it going to do? He gingerly turned the bottle on an angle, shook it again until eventually a small rock fell into his palm. He rubbed it with his finger, and smiled when he saw it was a tiny fossil. It was truly a sight and he imagined a child thinking this was some serious treasure indeed. It made him all the more excited to see what the piece of paper inside would have to say.

It took some furious shaking and Robert wedging his finger inside the lip before he was able to pull it free. It was surprisingly clean, hardly any water marks as he unrolled it and made out the messy scrawl.

He read it once, then again. He couldn’t say how many times his eyes scanned the words before he realized what he’d found, his hands shook so badly his phone did finally slip from his grasp. Even without the light he could still see the words, he was almost certain he’d never forget them.

_ I ain’t got nothing poetic to say. I’m sorry to the poor sod that reads this. Give this to my mum Chastity Dingle if you can find her. I never could. _

_ Don’t cry for me. Ain’t worth it. _

_ Aaron Livesy _

* * *

“Robert, you don’t actually know it’s a suicide note.” Ruby was frowning on the mobile screen Jessica was holding up, one of them having to stay at their shop during the emergency meeting.

“What else could it possibly be?” Diane was rubbing at her belly, her feet propped up on John’s legs as they sat on Clive's sofa.

Robert kept pacing, unable to stop moving since he’d awoken that morning. Last night he’d shoved everything back in the bottle, wondering for a brief moment if he should just throw it into the sea and let the waves deal with it. Instead he’d gripped it tight, held it close to his chest until he was back in his own flat. He dropped it into his empty kitchen sink and then went to bed. He had hoped to wake up the next morning and realize it had all been a bad dream.

Unfortunately he hadn’t been so lucky. 

“It could be a prank. Like some stupid kid thinking he’s being funny or something.” John was rubbing his wife’s feet but his eyes hadn’t left Robert since they’d gathered almost 20 minutes ago. John was worried about him but they all were.

It wasn’t a rare thing for them to come together like this. Every heartbreak or disaster, every joyous moment or piece of exciting news, they would all immediately find each other. Almost always at Clive’s place and usually with alcohol in tow. Robert didn’t think there was enough wine in the world that could calm him down right now.

“Someone give Robert a hug for me please. Jessica?” Ruby was anxious, her way of soothing her friends usually involved a cuddle and she hated being so distant.

“I’ve hugged him twice for you already.” Robert clocked the soft smile Jessica sent her girlfriend before handing the phone to Diane and getting up from her spot on the floor. She squeezed him tight as she wrapped her arms around him once again. He couldn’t pretend he didn’t need it.

“Right, so…” They all turned to Clive, laptop perched precariously on his knees. “I can’t find any record of anyone with the name Aaron Livesy online. At least not on social media or through Google.”

Robert felt his shoulders relax and the room let out a collective breath. Clive looked up from the screen shaking his head.

“I’m not finished, mates. I found Chastity Dingle. She’s real. I even got a landline number for her. She lives not too far from where you grew up, Rob. A village called Emmerdale.”

Robert felt his friend’s looking at him. He glanced around the room, everyone wide eyed but it was Diane and her gentle nod that had him reaching in his pocket for his phone.

“Give me the number before I chicken out.” 

That’s how he ended up with his mobile on speaker, his friends huddled around him. He felt grounded with John’s hand warm and solid on his back, Jessica leaning into his side and Ruby’s face glowing up at them all.

Robert took a deep breath before hitting the green button. It rang for what felt like an eternity before someone finally picked it up, the gruff voice on the other end sending a shiver up his spine.

“Hello?” 

Robert opened his mouth but no words came out.

“Hello?”

John gave Robert a pinch and it sprung him into action.

“Yes. Right, sorry to bother you but is Chastity Dingle there?” Robert started tapping his foot, his friends taking away his ability to pace like he wanted..

“Might be. Who wants to know?” The voice had a teasing tone to it and for a second Robert couldn’t help but smile. Then he remembered why he was calling in the first place.

“Actually, she doesn’t know me…”

“She ain’t going to give you money, mate.”

“No it’s not like that. It’s about...well it’s about Aaron Livesy...and..”

“Is this some kind of a joke?”

The voice had turned to hardened steel. Robert almost certain whoever the man was would reach through the phone and throttle him if he had the chance.

“I don’t mean to interfere but I have some information about an Aaron…” Robert didn’t get to finish, didn’t get to explain.

“Who the hell do you think you are? Piss off and never mention that name again if you know what’s good for you.”

The call ended abruptly. Robert felt a sudden chill, as if the coldness in the man’s voice still linger in the air around him. For a moment he forgot he wasn’t alone, forgot everything but the pain he’d heard in that voice. The anguish. That was until his mates all spoke at the same time. In any other situation he would have found it comical, but right now it was because the same realization hit them all at the exact same time.

“Shit.”


	2. King Of Pain

Aaron cursed as his hand slipped on the wrench, which he dodged before it fell into his face. It was the third time that day he’d almost injured himself because he couldn’t keep his head together. He hadn’t been sleeping right, couldn’t stomach the thought of food most days and even running wasn’t helping. It’d been almost two week since he’d heard that name, the one he’d left behind so long ago.

_ Aaron Livesy _ .

Instantly his chest got tight and he felt trapped under the car. His arms were like rubber as he pushed the creeper back into the open space of the garage. He sat up and hung his head against the bumper, focused on gaining control of his breathing. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d had an attack like this.

After a few minutes he finally began to relax. Aaron flexed his fingers, relieved they were no longer tingling. Still he stayed on the ground, not entirely sure his legs could hold him quite yet. He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, not shocked when he found them wet.

He’d come so far. He wasn’t that scared boy anymore. He’d fought and won to get to this point, but he hated how small that name made him feel. Hearing it again had been like a sucker punch to his stomach.

It was just luck that he’d been the one to answer the pub's phone. He hadn’t lived there for a few years but it’d been instinct. A phone rings, you pick it up. He would forever be grateful that his mum had to deal with a delivery issue leaving him in the back alone. Long after he hung up he still sat and stared down at the receiver, frightened it would ring once more. He was beyond terrified that he wouldn’t be able to protect his mother from it all again. He’d barely been able to the first time.

It was the past and it needed to stay there. This was just a weird blip. Surely the call had just been a one off and it was making Aaron spiral a bit. Probably some bizarre misunderstanding and he was just overreacting. His counselor had said that it could and would happen. You’re never entirely free from your demons, you just learn how to fight them and win. This just felt too much like losing for Aaron’s liking.

“I don’t pay you to daydream, Sunshine.” Cain’s voice made Aaron flinch, the sound almost too loud to his ears.

“I’m not sure what you give me would be considered payment.” Aaron got to his feet and turned to his boss/uncle, ensuring his trademark half scowl was firmly in place.

“Ha ha. Right comedian you are. Here.” Cain held out a mug, pushing it hot and steaming into Aaron’s chest. He took it and looked to see that it didn’t have any milk. Cain wasn’t the best at remembering.

“Ta.”

He took a long sip and let the liquid burn his throat and clear his mind. He was nothing if not English and there wasn’t much a brew couldn’t fix. Then again even Aaron knew the country’s staple wasn’t a miracle worker.

He glanced up to see Cain still standing there, his eyes running over Aaron’s face like he was looking for something and wasn’t finding it. 

“I’ll just get back to it shall I?” He put his cup down on his toolbox and hoped that he could get through the next few hours of his shift with his fingers and sanity intact.

“Actually...I need a word.” It didn’t sound like it was a conversation Cain wanted to have, which meant Aaron probably didn’t want to either.

“What?” He decided to go with a relaxed look, crossing his arms and leaning back on the side of the car he was supposed to be fixing. His uncle had a keen eye, especially where Aaron was concerned.

“Is there anything...well...are you alright?” Cain locked eyes with him and refused to look away.

_ Game face, Dingle. _

“I’m fine.” He really wasn’t.

“You sure.” Cain didn’t believe him, Aaron couldn’t really blame him.

“Yeah Cain, I’m sure.” He  _ really _ wasn’t but damn if he was going to share that information with anyone that would let it get back to his Mum. 

Cain eyed him over his brew as he took another sip. Years ago that look would have had Aaron squirming and confessing all. He wasn’t so easily intimidated anymore. 

“Kid, you just haven’t seemed yourself lately.” Cain wasn’t letting it go. Aaron knew there was genuine concern there and he hated it. He didn’t need kid gloves and he didn’t need anyone trying to take care of him. He wasn’t  _ broken. _

“Me? You’re the one who suddenly wants to talk about feelings. I’d say that’s a personality change.” He smirked, sarcasm was their thing. It was how he and Cain communicated. If anyone could make him crack it would be his uncle, they both knew it. Aaron just had to stay strong.

“You are in right form today.” 

“We done?” Aaron raised his eyebrow in challenge, thought he won until Cain let out an annoyed sigh.

“Is this about Ed?” 

That stupefied him for a second. If his uncle was wanting to talk about Aaron’s love life then he genuinely was concerned.  _ Shit. _

“Cain…”

“Your mum mentioned that your anniversary or something was coming up. Is it that?” 

Aaron wanted to crawl back under the car or just bang his head repeatedly against it. None of this was about his ex. Ed had left for France six months ago and only after Aaron had ended it. He’d forgotten that next week would have been the two year mark for them. No wonder Ed had been texting recently, Aaron too messed up to even respond.

_ But maybe… _

He didn’t say anything, just averted his eyes to look at the ground. He watched his uncle’s feet come into view and felt a hand squeeze his shoulder.

“He didn’t deserve you.” Cain’s voice was a gruff whisper and Aaron almost admitted the truth. His ex had nothing to do with anything. Ed had been going places. Ed had a career and had wanted to take Aaron with him. Ed had been too good for him not the other way around.

He felt tears prickle his eyes again and he hated himself, hated everything. He would not fall apart. This was just to get Cain off his back. It was all just an act and Aaron had played this part before.

“Yeah.” Aaron loathed how strained his voice sounded, how strong the urge was to just lay his head on Cain’s shoulder and let go for just a moment. Instead he stepped away and turned his back to compose himself. 

_ Just an act. You’re okay. _

“Take the rest of the day, Sunshine. Don’t come in tomorrow either.”

Aaron whipped around, he knew he’d been off the last while but Cain wouldn’t fire him would he? 

“Don’t be daft.” Cain scowled at him, clearly offended that Aaron let his mind go there. He’d always been such an easy book for his uncle to read. “Take a break, shake this off and come in Monday. Summer’s almost here and I’ll be running you off your feet soon enough.”

Summer meant weekenders who thought a drive out of the city was a splendid idea. It meant call-outs to fix flat tires or deal with busted radiators. It meant long days but good money. 

Aaron wanted to fight it, wanted to convince his uncle he was okay. He was always  _ okay  _ but he felt like he was going to drop right there. The exhaustion of the last few days finally hitting him in one fell swoop. Maybe that was all he needed, just a few days.

“Yeah. Yeah, I will do.”

At Aaron’s surrender his uncle gave him a sincere smile, just a tilt of his lips but from Cain Dingle that was saying something. Without another word he made for the exit, grabbed his keys but stopped himself at the door. He needed to be sure.

“Cain…”

“I won’t say nowt to your mum about it if I don’t have to. And you’re welcome.” Aaron couldn’t let his mum know, he’d spent too long shielding her from too much to fail now.

With a nod of gratitude he walked out into the sunlight.

* * *

Aaron woke up shivering, the house quiet and dark. The clock beside his bed said it was past midnight. After he’d made the four minute walk to the house he shared with his best mate Adam he hadn’t been able to keep his eyes open. He’d barely gotten his coveralls off before face planting on his bed. He hadn’t even pulled his duvet over himself. He’d slept for eight hours straight and even still he was exhausted.

Aaron didn’t want to move, even the thought of getting under the covers before passing out again felt like too much effort. Unfortunately he needed a piss and some things were worth getting out of bed for.

He stretched and groaned before his walk to the bathroom. The house was dead silent, Adam either asleep or working into the night at the farm. There was a new round of calves about to be born any day and Aaron had only seen him in passing. He’d been thankful honestly, one less person paying too much attention to his life slowly crumbling down around him.

The necessities taken care of Aaron stared at himself in the mirror, the overhead light not doing his pallor any favours. He looked like shit, no wonder Cain had been willing to talk about  _ emotions _ to make sure his nephew wasn’t about to do something rash.

Aaron wasn’t, that was all behind him. He just needed to shake himself out of this and quickly.

His first order of business: Shower. He stood under the hot spray and let the steam ease the permanent ache that had taken up residence in his shoulders. He felt a bit better afterwards, toweled off and put on something clean to wear. 

He glanced around his room, empty cups and plates littered his dresser. There was dirty laundry all over the floor. When was the last time he’d changed his sheets?

What did his therapist always say? Focus on what you can do. 

He collected all the dirty dishes and carried them down to the kitchen as quietly as he could. He’d take care of them tomorrow. Next was dirty clothes in the hamper, now overflowing in the corner of his room. He’d probably spend all day tomorrow doing laundry. Finally he got some fresh bedding and made up his bed. When he finished he looked around, it wasn’t perfect but it was a start. 

He’d found his phone and plugged it in, noticed a message from Adam that asked if he was home but nothing after. He’d make it up to his mate, Aaron owed him after two weeks of bad moods and hiding in his room.

As he turned off the light and climbed back into bed he vowed he’d spend his unexpected day off cleaning their place. He wasn’t the best housekeeper but to be fair neither was Adam.

He had a plan, he was back on track. This was just a blip. He had this, just like every time before. It took him less than two minutes to fall back asleep.

* * *

It was almost tea time and Aaron figured he’d earned a burger and pint at the Woolpack. He’d woken up that morning with renewed energy. Adam had been surprised when he came downstairs to his mate standing at the sink washing a pile of dishes.

“I’m doing laundry if you got any.” Aaron nodded to the counter, a brew steaming away that he’d made for Adam when he heard the shower shut off.

“You’re such a good wife.” Adam reached over to grab him in a headlock which resulted in a bit of a tussle and some splashed soapy water.

That was the beauty of Adam, he ebbed and flowed with Aaron’s moods. Usually if things started to get too bad his mate would pull him out of it, either with a night on the pull or video games and beers on the couch. Adam had just been so busy at the farm and honestly that was a good thing. No matter what his therapist said about a support system Aaron didn’t like asking for help, didn’t want to. He could depend on himself.

Adam left with talks of getting a pint the next night and Aaron got to righting his surroundings. After hours of hard work and one serious disagreement with the hoover the place was almost spotless. Aaron had clean clothes, the kitchen gleamed and he’d even done a run to the shops to stock their fridge. After a quick shower and change he felt like a brand new man.

He was on the upswing and it felt  _ good.  _

The sun was warm on his face as he jogged across the street to the Woolpack. If he was lucky his mum would be behind the bar and he could kill two birds with one stone. A meal and putting in some face time with his mother would get things fully back to normal. He’d been avoiding her for obvious reasons and no doubt she would have started suspecting something was off soon enough. That was if she hadn’t already.

He wasn’t paying attention where he was going, his mind happily blank for a change. As he neared the steps he almost walked right into a blonde bloke with a serious expression on his face. They ended up bumping shoulders and facing each other. Aaron opened his mouth to drop a quick apology when the words died in his throat. 

“Sorry about that, lost in my own head.” 

Aaron nodded dumbly at the rich voice, green eyes so sincere he almost didn’t believe them to be real. Something about the stranger seemed familiar and it made him feel warm all over. Aaron was certain he’d never seen this man before, he would have remembered. He could only get his head to keep nodding like an idiot as the man smiled softly and turned to walk up the street. 

Aaron kept watching, couldn’t help himself really once he’d caught sight of the back of him. Nice ass in fantastic jeans. He got caught looking, blonde glancing over his shoulder and offering a teasing smile before he was gone around the corner. Aaron shook his head, no doubt his face flaming in embarrassment and made his way into the pub before he did something stupid like follow the man. This was Emmerdale, not the dance floor of Bar West. Maybe he could convince Adam to join him there tomorrow night, it’d been too long since he pulled.

His good mood didn’t falter, not even when he saw Charity leaning on the bar with a furrowed brow, looking down at a crisp white business card in her hand. She finally noticed him when he slid onto the stool across from her.

“You see that tall drink of water that just left here?” Charity tapped the card against her mouth.

“Don’t think I did,” he rolled his eyes at Charity’s disbelieving snot. “Why?” Aaron was feeling generous, so he’d let her spill whatever gossip she had.

“Dunno. He came in looking for your mum. She’s out shopping so he left his card. Said he’s staying at the B&B. Says he’ll wait for her call.” She wiggled her eyebrows as if the blonde stranger had romantic intentions. First he was way too young for his mum, and Aaron was pretty certain she wasn’t his  _ type. _

“Probably just looking for work or something.” Though the B&B was pricey it was the only place in the village to get a room.

“Don’t think so.” Charity laid the card face up in front of Aaron. It was stark against the dark wood, the words in classy black whirls mocking him.

_ Robert Sugden _

_ Graphic Design Contractor _

_ Whitby UK _

By the time he got to the phone number and email address his eyes started to glaze over. He froze, his mind going a million miles a minute. The man’s voice, that’s what he’d recognized. The voice that had said…

_ Fuck. _

* * *

He panicked, he could admit that. He was good at deflecting, good at pretending. What Aaron had never been good at was coming up with a believable lie on the spot.

“You know him?” Aaron had drunk the first half of his pint so fast Charity wasn’t buying it. She could tell he was nervous. “Then what did he want your mum for?”

“Probably thought it was the only way to find me. It’s been a few years” 

She leaned in close, whispered softly. “Okay, what scam you got running?”

“Nothing.” 

“Come on, we’re family. I could use a piece of the action.” Aaron could tell she was resisting the urge to rub her hands together. She loved a good scheme and he could admit she was pretty damn great at them. 

“Seriously, Charity. It’s nothing. You know I’d never leave you out of the loop.” He gave her a sugary smile and she lasered him with a glare.

“Do you know how hard it is being the only criminal mastermind in this village? My talents are wasted.” With that she huffed at him and headed to the kitchen.

Aaron looked back down at the card. Robert Sugden. The name didn’t ring any bells. Why the hell would this bloke be looking for someone that hadn’t existed for a decade?

_ No one knows, you made sure of it.  _

But he had to be sure didn’t he? He didn’t need what he’d built blown to hell. He’d done what he’d had to do to survive. He was just a kid then. A scared bloody kid and it had been his only option, his only way out. No one could fault him for that, not his family, not the law and not some mysterious bloke who was poking his nose where it didn’t belong.

_ So why have you never told the truth? _

He needed to find out what this Robert Sugden wanted and why he wouldn’t let Aaron Livesy stay well and truly dead.

He pulled out a few pounds, stuck them on the bar and headed out into the village. He turned toward the B&B and prepared himself for battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a crazy busy week ahead so I figured I'd post this chapter now and you'd forgive for a little wait for the next one. Thank you for all the wonderful comments, I've missed you too!
> 
> Again only edited by me.


	3. Contact

Robert was still smiling when he entered the B&B and nodded to the proprietor. Eric seemed nice enough, a little chatty and stuck up but he’d met worse kinds. Once back in his room he let himself breath, think about clear blue eyes and scruffy cheeks.

_Who was that?_

He’d been ridiculously gorgeous and when Robert had looked over his shoulder to see the bloke still watching...well his breath caught a little. Okay a lot. If he hadn’t been in this quaint little village to break some poor mother’s heart he might have done something about it.

He sat on the bed and rubbed his face. Part of him was thankful that Chas Dingle hadn’t been available but that just meant delaying the inevitable. Whoever Aaron Livesy had been he’d left his final wishes for someone to fulfill. Robert didn’t know why it became him but there had to be a reason. Maybe he was too soft, but all this felt bigger than that.

After the phone call that fateful day they’d all sat silently together, his friends feeling the weight of the situation. Clive had handed Robert a glass of wine. He drank it in one fell swoop, staring at the note and fossil on the coffee table the whole time. A huge weight on his shoulders that could fit in the palm of his hand.

When Ruby had finally barged in and folded Robert into her arms he knew what he had to do. He had to make it right and the only way was finding Chas Dingle and talking to her face-to-face.

Jessica didn’t like it, wanted him to send it anonymously in the mail. Diane disagreed and they got into a heated discussion over it. John finally told them to stuff it because it was Robert’s decision and his alone.

“And we’ll support him whatever he decides to do. You know that right mate, whatever it is.” John’s face was set in a firm line, his usually relaxed demeanour gone. 

Everyone agreed, whatever Robert wanted to do. But it wasn’t about want, it was what he had to do so he could sleep at night. Clive told Robert to take his time before he took off hell bent for Yorkshire. In less than a week he had it all planned out, or as planned out as it could be. He’d drive to Emmerdale, stay one night in case Chas Dingle was hard to pin down. He hoped finding her didn’t turn into another mission altogether.

They had a strategy meeting, what to say, how to say it. Was there a good way to tell a mother...whatever it was he was about to share? Did she know her son was dead? Was he even truly gone? Robert didn’t have enough information. He was going in blind.

Whoever Aaron Livesy was he’d been right about one thing... _I feel sorry for the poor sod that finds this._

So he’d packed an overnight bag and convinced Diane that no he didn’t need company for the two hour drive.

“I could take the train back. Or John could follow in his car. You don’t have to do this alone, Robert.” 

He knew that but they all had jobs and responsibilities. This felt like his battle, his and Aaron’s. Another ridiculous notion he couldn’t shake. He felt connected to this Aaron Livesy. It didn’t matter that he was just a few heartbreaking lines on a piece of paper. Robert knew what it meant to be lost, to feel alone. He knew what it was to run and run until you ran out of options. Maybe he’d never gotten as far as Aaron but he could see it. The fossil reminded Robert of his shell, the one he kept in a glass dish on his desk. No matter how much money he had in the bank his gift from the ocean meant more to him than any of it.

Whitby had saved Robert, maybe it had broken Aaron.

“It’d be a six hour trip with you along. We’d have to stop for you to use the loo every 10 minutes.” Robert smiled at her and hoped she knew he was thanking her for caring. Diane just glared at him and rubbed her stomach.

“You hear that little one, your Uncle Robert is being rude to your mummy.” Still she took the opportunity to pull him into a hug. Her and Ruby had been doing that nonstop, hugging him, rubbing his arm, patting his knee. He was starting to fear John and Jessica were going to get jealous.

Diane followed him out to his car, her walk starting to have a bit of a waddle to it. It was obvious she’d been given the task by the others to make sure he was okay. It didn’t matter how many times he told them that he was. They knew better.

“Is it wrong that I’m not stopping in to see Victoria?” His sister was literally on the way. She was less than a 90 minute drive from Whitby and he’d never made the trek. Then again she hadn’t either.

“Robert, I think one emotional encounter is enough for this trip, don’t you?” Diane pursed her lips. She didn’t like Victoria, which in all honesty wasn’t fair. None of his friends had ever met his sister, which was part of the problem. Victoria had been so young when Robert had left and their father was her idol. He kept his secrets from her but that meant keeping himself from her as well. Diane was a fighter, she fought for those she loved. She didn’t understand that Victoria could only meet Robert halfway, and he didn’t think he’d ever get there.

Some days he wanted to try and others he just wanted to forget everything before what he had now ever existed.

Diane waved him off and Robert drove mostly on autopilot the whole way to the quaint little village. He was surprised how nice it was to see the fields again. Maybe he’d never hated them as much as he thought. It made him nostalgic for picnics with his mother, running through the trees with his brother Andy. A time before they hated each other. 

_You’re too soft, Robert._

He’d stopped reminiscing after that.

He spotted the pub first thing, having discovered Chas Dingle was the proprietor after some more digging. It looked like a warm and friendly place. Then again Robert knew small villages could be deceiving, always a few wolves among the sheep.

He was anxious and didn’t do more than drop off his bag inside his room after letting Eric batter on about linens and breakfast options. Then he took a deep breath and headed straight for the Woolpack. 

Inside the sniper eyed blonde behind the bar was flirty with a bit of a bite to her. She took his card when she said Chas wasn’t in but the suspicion on her face made Robert duck out quickly. 

Then he’d bumped into Mr. Fantasy-Come-To-Life. Now Robert was thinking about him and noticing how unbelievably horrid his room was. The wallpaper was mustard yellow with a pink flower print on the drapes. He figured he should unpack his laptop and try to get some work done while he waited for Chas’s call. Maybe check out the cafe he drove by earlier...maybe he’d catch sight of that scruffy face again.

There was a brisk knock on the door, probably Eric with extra towels or something else Robert hadn’t asked for. He was happily surprised when the face he’d been picturing for the last 15 minutes was standing on the other side. 

“Well this is a nice…” Robert’s flirtatious greeting was lost when the bloke pushed him inside the room, hand hot and firm on his chest. For a minute his mind went _there_ , what those hands would feel like on his bare skin and those lips against his. Then he saw the downright murderous look in those blue eyes as the door slammed soundly behind them.

“What the hell do you want with Chas Dingle?” 

* * *

“So are you going to answer the question?” 

Robert was still bracing himself for a punch. He liked to think he could hold his own if it ever came to it but probably not against this bloke. Robert might have some height on him but the fire in those eyes could burn you to the ground.

Robert held up his hands and took a step back.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re thinking…”

“You don’t want to know what I’m thinking, mate. What do you want?” 

Robert knew he should deescalate the situation, whatever it was, but he’d been through enough the last few days. He had little patience left.

_Honestly, fuck you Gorgeous._

“I don’t see why that is any of your business, _mate._ ” Robert felt a small win when those eyes narrowed.

“Because she’s my mum, that’s why.” 

It was like someone had let the air out of a balloon, instantly Robert lost all the bravado he’d gained in those few seconds. The reprieve he’d thought he had was over. Robert hadn’t planned for this. He’d prepared for a mother, a peaceful conversation that hopefully would bring her some closure. Still he should have had more tact when he opened his mouth.

“Aaron was your brother?”

The bloke dropped his arms, Robert realized that they’d been reaching for him again, ready to do damage. Now the fight was out of the bull and there was nothing left but complete confusion.

“What?” It was a whisper and it made Robert’s heart break a little, the pain evident all over the bloke’s face.

“Look, I can explain this, explain everything. You should sit down.” Robert realized that the only seating was in essence the bed and an antique chair that didn’t look like it would hold the weight of a small child. “I promise you...I’m sorry what’s your name?”

The bloke just blinked at him and finally sat on the edge of the bed like he was in some sort of trance. Robert watched him cross his arms, folding in on himself.

“Cain. Cain Dingle.”

Robert held out his hand, “Robert Sugden.”

Cain just looked at the offered hand but made no movement to shake it.

“Yeah, I know. What I don’t know is how you know anything about Aaron.”

“I don’t, I mean not really.” Robert turned toward his bag on the floor as Cain went stiff. Did he think Robert had a weapon? Why was this guy so damn defensive? “I’ll show you what I found and hopefully this will all make more sense.”

Cain relaxed slightly but was still wary. Robert could feel his eyes burning into his back. He pulled out a small plastic bag where he’d stored Aaron’s last words and his most prized possession.

He turned around with it held gently in his hand.

“A few weeks ago I found a bottle buried in the sand. In Whitby. That’s where I live.” He was bottling this and Cain just looked at Robert like he was dissecting his soul with those shockingly blue eyes. “Inside was this.”

He held the bag out for Cain, who took it with trembling fingers. Robert saw his eyes were already filling up with tears. Did Cain suspect what it was?

“Read it and then you’ll know why I’m here.” Robert took another step back, he wanted to give Cain his space but ready to be there if needed. Honestly he didn’t know what to do other than watch.

Cain seemed to forget Robert was there altogether. He took out the note, ran his fingers over the words before placing it on the bed beside him. Then he dug out the fossil and gripped it tight in his palm. Robert watched him squeeze his eyes shut and let out a shaky breath. They stayed like that for a while, Robert scared to move a muscle and Cain just taking slow breaths like he was trying to keep it together.

Eventually Cain turned to him, this time his eyes sad but somehow calmer than before.

“Thank you.”

Robert nodded, he didn’t think he voice would work just yet.

“So it was you that called?”

Robert didn’t understand it but he wanted to be closer to Cain. It just felt like the right thing to do. He chewed on his lip and gave in, sitting on the bed but leaving plenty of space between them.

“Yeah, that was me. I didn’t know if…”

“He was alive or dead?”

“Exactly.”

Robert looked down at the hideous rug on the floor and wondered what the hell he was supposed to do now. Cain cleared his throat and it seemed to echo in the room.

“Why did you go to all this trouble? Aaron wasn’t anything to you.”

Of all the questions to be asked he’d not expected that one. What else could he have done?

“Because Aaron needed someone to do it. It didn’t seem right to let him down. I get the feeling he’d suffered enough of that.”

Cain turned his head and those blue eyes trapped him. It was like he was seeing Robert for the first time, and what he saw completely shocked him. And yet there was so much more written all over his face. Regret and pain that Robert had to stop himself from reaching out and soothing him.

“I am so sorry, Cain.” 

In an instant those eyes shuddered, like a wall coming down. Cain stood suddenly, grabbing the note off the bed and shoving it in the bag. Robert wanted to stop him, it felt wrong to treat it so roughly. He had to remind himself it was no longer his cross to bear.

Cain held out his hand and Robert stood as he shook it. It was calloused and warm, he didn’t want to let go. He wanted to ask so many questions. He wanted to know who Aaron was and why he’d done something so irreversible. He wanted to reach into the past and save him. He wanted to stop the anguish on Cain’s face.

“Thank you for doing this, Mr. Sugden. I will make sure my mum sees this. But probably not until you leave town...it would just be…”

Robert held up his hand. “I completely understand. I’ll be gone first thing in the morning.”

Cain opened the door and then stopped. Robert held his breath, it felt wrong to say goodbye for some reason. He didn’t want to let Aaron go just yet.

“If you’d let me I would like to reimburse you for the cost of your room and any expenses you…”

“I won’t hear of it. I did this because I wanted to.” 

Cain nodded and with one last look was gone, the door clicking shut behind him.

And just like that Robert’s mission was over.

* * *

Robert sat on the bed the next morning. He’d been up since 6:00am, showered and ready to go. He couldn’t check out until 8:00am and he didn’t know what to do with himself.

He’d spent the rest of his night in his room, ordering room service and attempting to get some work done on his laptop. It had been fruitless, the food was tasteless and Robert couldn’t get Cain out of his mind long enough to focus on his newest project.

His mates had video chatted with him. He was grateful he only had to tell the story of what had transpired once. They’d all been supportive, encouraging Robert that he’d done the right thing. But they knew him and understood the last thing he wanted right now was to talk. With promises to get together for dinner the next evening they said their goodbyes, Ruby blowing him a kiss before he signed out. It’d been barely 30 seconds later when a text came in from Clive.

**On a scale of 1-10 how beautiful was Cain?**

Robert had to laugh, because Clive knew him too well.

_At least a 27._

Clive sent him a magnitude of emojis and made Robert promise to tell him all about it.

**I want shoulder measurements Sugden.**

After that he’d attempted sleep but it’d been restless at best. He couldn’t get Cain’s face out of his mind, the haunted look in those eyes. There was so much Robert didn’t know about the lives of the people he’d just wadded into. It felt wrong to drop this in Cain’s lap and leave. 

He thought somehow Cain would reach out to him with more questions. He just seemed to accept what Robert said at face value, running out of the room as soon as he could. Grief made you do unexpected things, Robert understood that. He had to remind himself that none of this was about him. He was just a messenger. That was all. Still Aaron and Cain were two people Robert knew he would never be able to forget.

When the time came he trudged down the stairs and gave Eric a tight smile. Before he knew it his bag was in the boot of his car and he had no reason to still be there. He decided to walk quickly to the small shop to get a bottle of water for his drive back to Whitby. He’d barely made it two steps when a voice across the street shouted out his name. He looked up to see a woman with a dark mess of curly hair blowing briskly in the wind. She had a broad smile on her face and her resemblance to Cain obvious. She had to be his mother.

He tried to smile at her but he wasn’t sure what Chas Dingle knew about him, if anything. She stopped right in front of him.

“Leaving so soon?” She hugged her arms around herself like Cain had the day before but without the weight of the world on her shoulders.

“Umm….yeah my business in town is done.” He didn’t know what else to say. She was either going to hug him or slap him or….

“It’s so nice that you stopped in to see my boy. I’m Chas by the way.” She didn’t offer her hand, just gave him another delighted smile. “I’ve never met any of his friends from when he was young.”

Robert just looked at her and tried to keep his face impassive. So that was the story Cain had gone with. He could work with that. But how did a mother not know her son’s childhood friends? There was so much he still didn’t understand and it was making him crazy.

_Not your crazy to deal with, Robert._

“Oh yeah?” He didn’t know what else to say, he dug his keys out of his pocket. The water be damned, he needed to get out of here before he messed this all up.

“Well you know how teenage boys are.” She glanced at the keys in his hand and took a step back. He was almost safe.

“That I do, I was one myself.”

That delighted her and the laugh she let out made Robert smile sincerely. He thought of Aaron and hoped wherever he was that he saw how happy she seemed in that moment..

“Well you travel safe young man.” She glanced over his shoulder and lifted her hand in a wave. “Aaron, come say goodbye!”

Robert froze.

_No...surely it couldn’t be._

It was a common enough name. Then again how would _this_ Aaron know who Robert was. He’d interacted with four people in this village since yesterday but mainly one. He clenched his hand tight around his keys until they dug painfully into his fingers. Robert knew before he turned around whose face he would see. 

Cain...no... _Aaron_...was standing there in running gear, a sheen of sweat visible even from a distance. As was the look of absolute terror all over his face. 

Robert felt like such an idiot. Aaron was alive. The Aaron he’d mourned for, the Aaron he’d felt connected to. He thought they shared a pain, shared something. Not to mention the sympathy and hurt he’d felt for Cain. 

Cain and Aaron were both the same man and they were both bold faced liars.

Aaron took one step forward and then stopped. 

_Coward._

Robert didn’t say another word to Chas, the only oblivious person in all of this. At least he had that. Whatever this was she’d been spared it. Instead he got in his car, backing it out of his spot before he did something stupid like demand answers. But Aaron didn’t owe him anything, and Robert was a fool for believing in _something._

With that he drove away, not even sparing a look back in his rear view mirror.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am obsessing over this chapter and keep changing it so I just had to post it so I would STOP. (shoves it online and runs away)


	4. Bombs Away

“The look on his face, the absolute disgust. And how can I blame him?” Aaron dropped his head into his hands and focused on his breathing. The ticking of the clock on the wall helped him find a rhythm.

“Aaron, you were in an impossible situation. How is someone expected to react?” His counselor's voice was firm, no nonsense. That’s why Aaron liked her, that's why he kept coming back. She didn’t try to coddle him or let him make excuses. “Seeing that note, being taken back to that time in your life must have brought up so much for you. It makes sense that you would want to protect yourself. He was a stranger.”

But Robert Sugden hadn’t felt like a stranger. Once Aaron had realized he wasn’t a threat, that he was actually doing something decent, well Aaron didn’t know what to do with that. He couldn’t backtrack. He couldn’t explain himself. He just lied over and over and then left. He had to because of how much he had wanted to stay, That had been the scariest part of it all because somehow it felt like Robert understood. Aaron had never felt that before.

_It didn’t seem right to let him down. I get the feeling he’d suffered enough of that._

Aaron heard those words on a loop inside of his head during the day and they haunted his dreams. That and the picture of Robert’s beautiful face twisted with disgust when he realized who Aaron really was.

“I just wish….”

Aaron stared at his hands, unable to say the words out loud. He wished it was different, that he was different. He wished getting through life wasn’t the only mode he knew. He focused on making it through the day, making it through the week.

Robert had been kind and had gone out of his way to do something good. All Aaron had seen was a threat until it was too damn late. Just one more thing he didn’t think he could forgive himself for.

“You are here today because you learned to survive. Aaron, do you know how remarkable that is?” He couldn’t look at her. She was always saying those words, that he was a survivor. He didn’t think of himself as anything special but he refused to be a victim. He didn’t understand how surviving was anything worth celebrating. He just wanted to stop surviving and actually live his life.

The clock filled the silence, a sound he found comforting. He heard his counselor shuffle and recross her legs. He knew she was about to push him harder to open up.

“And the note?”

“What about it?” 

“That must have been very painful to read.”

More like being dragged over hot coals before being dropped into a bucket of ice water. Then he’d shut it down, he couldn’t go back there. That had been Aaron Livesy’s note, Aaron Livesy’s life. He refused to be Aaron Livesy ever again.

“Yeah, but it feels like someone else’s words. Someone else’s pain. Not mine.” 

He looked up when he heard her noncommittal hum, her pen moving across the legal pad nestled on her lap. He could only imagine what she was writing.

_Aaron Dingle, still a nutter._

“So for you Aaron Livesy is who you were and Aaron Dingle is who you are?”

He could only nod, bite at his lip to keep it together. 

“You know there is no shame in having been Aaron Livesy. He got you here, he helped you become Aaron Dingle. They’re both you.”

“I know, I know.” Aaron did know and he hated it, wanted to scratch that part out of his history. If only he’d been stronger, smarter. If only he hadn’t made stupid mistakes. He grabbed at his knees and squeezed. Why couldn’t he have done it differently?

_Tick tock._

She recrossed her legs and Aaron braced himself for impact.

“Don’t you think Aaron Dingle should forgive Aaron Livesy?”

Aaron couldn’t hold it back anymore, he just wrapped his arms around himself and let the tears come.

* * *

He was strung out, eyes red and puffy but breathing was finally easier than it had been in months. A little bit of the weight had lifted. He felt like he could sleep for a full night and actually be free of nightmares.

They’d returned since Robert, since all of it came rushing back. There was so much that Aaron had locked away and kept in a safe place in the back of his mind. He never forgot about it, it was always there but there were moments of reprieve. Sometimes weeks, then months where it had all happened to someone else. Not to him.

Until times like this when it all came back and he loathed himself. 

He was hungry but there was no way he could go to the pub in his current state. His mother would go full mama bear mode if she saw him like this. The thought made him smile.

It had been so goddamn rough when he’d been returned to her at 15 years old. He’d never forget waking up in that hospital bed, her running her hands through his hair as she whispered soft words to him.

Then it all came out, every dirty piece except one. Because that was the one he was the most ashamed of. He didn’t know why he could tell his mother that his father beat him, that his father had hurt him in unimaginable ways but he couldn’t share _that._

Yes horrific things had been done to him but what he’d done seemed unforgivable. He knew there were worse evils in the world but that wasn’t the point.

He ended up on his sofa with a beer in his hand and a frozen pizza cooking in the oven. Adam had a date so it was just Aaron and the television that wasn’t turned on. 

He understood what his counselor meant, that he did need to go beyond accepting his past to embracing it. He just didn’t know how to. It made it easier to believe those things happened to someone else, someone he hadn’t been since they’d pulled him out of the ocean. 

The way Robert had looked at him, being a disappointment like that was something Aaron had spent the last 10 years avoiding. He wasn’t an angel, hadn’t been perfect but he’d never intentionally let anyone down like that before. 

Robert had just wanted to do the right thing and Aaron had thrown it back in his face. 

He wasn’t the romantic sort, never had been, yet all this had him wondering if there really was a master plan. He lifted his hips as he dug the small fossil out of his pocket. He’d kept the stone on him since the moment Robert had returned it. 

Aaron remembered finding it on the beach all those years ago. He remembered being scared but hopeful that all the pain was behind him. For a few months it had been, in a way. Then Aaron had fucked it up like he always did.

He didn’t want to be a screw up anymore. He needed to move on. He’d been trying to ignore his past and he was realizing it was never going to disappear no matter how much he wished it away.

He rolled the fossil in his fingers, let the action soothe his nerves. He needed to find Robert and explain, that is if the man would even speak with him. But then Aaron would have to explain _why_ he lied. That was the shameful part, the part he wanted to stay hidden.

Aaron Dingle wanted Robert Sugden’s forgiveness. Aaron Livesy wanted it from Aaron Dingle. Even trying to explain it to himself was confusing. 

No. They were both him. He couldn’t pretend anymore that _he_ hadn’t done what he did. There was no Aaron Livesy or Aaron Dingle. Just Aaron and he was so tired of pretending.

To move on Aaron would need the forgiveness of two men, and he didn’t know if either of them would think he was worthy of it. To be fair Aaron didn’t think he was either.

_Focus on what you can do_

All he could do was try.

* * *

It was almost two weeks since Robert left Emmerdale that Aaron drove into Whitby. Once he’d made the decision to go back it’d taken every ounce of self control to wait until he had two days off. He saw his counselor again and she was thrilled he had come to the decision all on his own.

Like this wasn’t where she’d been pushing him for the last three years.

The first thing that hit him was the smell in the air, salty and fresh. He’d never let himself come back here. No one ever questioned it once they found out he’d almost drowned. The truth was he’d always been a strong swimmer who loved the sea. Keeping himself from it had been a punishment he thought he deserved.

But he wasn’t here for that, at least not yet.

When he pulled up to the church it looked smaller than he remembered but no less intimidating. He’d almost bottled it when he called to make the appointment, afraid that once he gave his name the police would show up at his door. Instead the chipper receptionist wished him a _blessed day._

He took a few deep breaths to settle his nerves. Time to face the wrath of God as it were. He smoothed down his jumper, wearing his best black jeans. He’d almost worn a suit but that wasn’t him, that wasn’t Aaron. He refused to be anyone else anymore.

The church was quiet, the place of peace it was supposed to be. The office was still where he remembered it. He knocked on the outer door left ajar, the reception desk empty. The Reverend's door was shut but the frosted glass showed a body moving towards him.

Aaron barely had time to blink before he was face to face with his past. 

“Welcome, you must be…” The words died when they locked eyes and Aaron froze. The Reverend had aged well and was clearly settling into his sixties. Other than that he was just like Aaron remembered. Short and a little round, tufts of white hair that didn't seem to want to settle on his head. The kindest eyes Aaron had ever known.. 

Then he noticed a scar on the Reverend’s brow that hadn’t been there before and shame rose like bile in his throat. He looked away, his instinct to run making his limbs tingle. 

“Aaron?” 

The wonder in that voice made him look up. Maybe he didn’t deserve what he came here for but the Reverend deserved his apology. It was already 10 years too late.

He nodded and watched a beaming smile appear on the Reverend’s face. The man held out his hand and somehow joy radiated from him when Aaron took it.

“I have prayed for this day for a long time.”

* * *

Aaron was stunned when Reverend James Miller ushered him into his office, offered tea and once seated simply asked, “How have you been?”

“Reverend, I am here because…”

“Oh Aaron, I know why you’re here. _Strength of a mountain_. You were named well.”

Instantly he felt like a kid again, the lost and lonely one who found kindness and care that he’d repaid with blood. He shook off the shame, he was here to make amends.

“I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I don’t know how to explain why...” Aaron needed to get the words out but they were failing him. “There is no excuse for what I did to you.”

“Other than being a traumatized young man? I knew you didn’t mean to hurt me, not really. I know your heart Aaron, just like God does. If you seek my forgiveness then take it. It was always yours.” 

Aaron felt the ball in his stomach unfurl and yet his brain didn’t seem to register it. How could it all be that easy?

“In all honesty I should be thanking you. The youth in my congregation have told me my scar makes me look very “bad-ass”, if you’ll excuse the language.” Reverend James raised his eyebrow as if proud of his own joke.

For the first time in too long Aaron felt his own laugh all the way to his soul.

* * *

They’d spent over three hours together, eventually moving away from their shared past. They drank tea and ate biscuits from the Reverend's secret stash that everyone knew about.

He asked questions about Aaron’s life, seemed pleased at every answer he was given. Aaron heard all about the youth outreach that had grown in the last decade. Even after what Aaron had done the Reverend still gave his heart away everyday. There was a shelter a few blocks from the church, they offered counselling, shelter, hot meals and classes to help the kids build confidence.

The next thing Aaron knew he was agreeing to give a basic mechanics presentation if the shelter manager was on board.

“It’s a useful thing to know. How to check your oil, how to change a flat tire. There is a lot that those with parental figures take for granted.” It was the first serious face the Reverend had made their entire visit. 

It had gone beyond what Aaron could have believed possible. This giant weight he had carried for so long was gone, he was almost dizzy with relief. It didn’t wash the past clean but it made it easier to bear. 

Eventually the Reverend apologized when he ended their time due to another appointment and he seemed genuinely saddened to let Aaron go. He took Aaron’s email address and promised to contact him soon. 

As they shook hands goodbye the Reverend got serious once again.

“I am proud of you young man, I know how hard today must have been for you. Remember God is always with you, and he loves all his children.” 

Then he held Aaron’s hand in both of his own for a moment, those kind eyes glancing over every inch of his face. He was making sure Aaron was okay after their emotional few hours. The man’s capacity for compassion was staggering.

Aaron walked out of the church and sucked in the sea air. He felt like he’d run a marathon, exhausted on every level. It was just past lunch so he decided to go check into his hotel room and have a nap. Maybe later he’d take a walk on the beach, reacquaint himself with his old friend.

He made a point of not thinking about Robert. He had decided before coming to Whitby that once back in Emmerdale he would send an email. He wasn’t one for words but he would muddle his way through. Today he would enjoy his new found freedom, he could face his other demons tomorrow.

* * *

He’d slept longer than he planned, a headache starting to pulse behind his eyelids when he had closed them under cool sheets. He debated just falling back to sleep. It had been peaceful and dream free. The sleep of the dead. Yet he couldn’t remember ever feeling this alive before.

If this was acceptance and forgiveness than it was worth more than his counselor could ever fully explain. He might hug her the next time he saw her. 

_No you won’t but it’s a nice thought._

He showered and changed, decided to find somewhere for a late meal before finally getting his feet in the sand. Tomorrow he would wade in, swim in the waves but tonight he just wanted to feel the breeze on his face. He shook his head, wondered if when it came to the sea if he would always be a kid at heart.

He decided to walk towards the beach, hands in his hoodie pockets. The sun was setting, but he took in how much the town had changed. Years ago he’d known every back alley and side street. Where you could safely sleep rough, which shop owners would give him a free coffee or a day old pastry. He passed a restaurant and a cafe before deciding to step into a pub he vaguely recalled. A pint, a burger and some chips sounded perfect to his stomach.

Inside was busy but there didn’t appear to be many tourists. If he remembered correctly it had been a locals’ place back in the day, it was nice to know things didn’t always change.

He found an empty spot at the bar. He gave a noncommittal nod to the man sitting near, an empty stool between them with a blazer thrown over it. He waited his turn as he watched the barkeep pour some pints.

It wasn’t long until he was aware he was being watched.

He gave a sidelong glance, a bit surprised to see the bloke gazing at him seriously, elbow up on the gleaming wood and his fist tucked under his chin. When he noticed Aaron looking he offered a dazzling smile.

He wasn’t unattractive, just not Aaron’s type. He hoped this one would be easily distracted once his lack of interest was made clear.

“You don’t look like a tourist but I know I’ve never seen you around here before.” 

Aaron sighed and looked straight down at the empty stool beside him.

“You always hit on men when your date’s in the loo?” 

When he glanced up he saw twinkling brown eyes up for a challenge.

_Just great._

“He’s just a friend and he’d never forgive me if I didn’t get your name.” 

Aaron opened his mouth to respond but stopped himself when he heard a disgruntled snort. His admirer sat up slightly, looking over Aaron’s shoulder with a perplexed look on his face.

Then he heard that voice, the one that never ceased to send a shiver up his spine. Aaron could feel the anger and heat, the disgust. He didn’t even get more than a quick glance at an arm as it reached for the empty stool and snagged the jacket lying there.

“Not sure what name he goes by today but I believe he prefers Cain.”

Aaron winced and turned just in time to watch Robert Sugden walk out the door.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was very cryptic with only a few answered questions but I promise all will be revealed very soon. There is a purpose! 
> 
> Your comments give me life but I continue to be an awkward human who doesn't respond.


	5. Someone To Talk To

Robert had the overwhelming urge to turn back around and give Aaron a piece of his mind. He could so easily cause an embarrassing scene in the pub, eviscerate the liar for all of Whitby to see. It’d been so long since he’d used the sharpness of his tongue to wound and he’d been proud of that up until now. 

He stormed down to the beach, the only place where he was certain he would calm down. He threw his blazer in the sand, aware that sitting on it would probably ruin it. He didn’t care, it was a problem he would deal with tomorrow.

What the hell was Aaron doing in Whitby? Robert wasn’t under some misguided belief that it was to find him. Maybe life was punishing him. It seemed unnecessary because Robert had punished himself enough over the last few weeks.

He’d been a moody bastard since returning from Emmerdale, snappy and so bloody angry that his friends once again were concerned. That was the reason he was out tonight, Clive insisting they go have some fun. With any luck Robert would find someone to take his mind off things. He’d been having a good time, two pints in before they would head to a club where thumping music would hopefully drown out the hurt he couldn’t shake.

Then he came back from the loo, bemused to see Clive already making a move on someone. When he realized who it was his blood ran cold. 

Of course the bastard still looked gorgeous. Of course just being around him made Robert’s heart do somersaults in his chest. He chalked it up to shock and refused to think about it further.

Everyone had their opinions when it came to Aaron but unfortunately his friends had sympathy for the guy. Okay yes, he’d written a suicide note at some point and yes some stranger finding it would be a shocking experience. Robert showing up out of blue probably threw Aaron for one hell of a loop. 

Robert could understand all that. He did understand all that. He just didn’t want to. Just because he had no right to feel angry didn’t make it go away. 

He just wanted it all to go away, Aaron included.

Robert felt the buzz of his phone somewhere under his leg, still in the pocket of his jacket. He groaned when he pulled it loose and saw Clive’s text.

**Sorry, mate. Call me later if you need me.**

He wanted to pretend he didn’t know what that meant, but Clive had been team Aaron from the get go. Now that he’d seen with his own eyes how bloody attractive Aaron was there would be no hope his friend would keep his nose out of it.

He waited and waited, though it was only minutes. Then suddenly air around him changed, an electric charge that Robert told himself he was imagining. He wasn’t at all surprised when he heard Aaron’s gruff voice.

“Can we talk?”

He just nodded, stared out into the waves because he couldn’t risk looking at that face. He’d forgive Aaron instantly and Robert felt like being petty. He was owed that much.

Aaron sat in the sand beside him, clearly not worried about dirtying his jeans. Robert listened to the waves and watched the sky hold onto its last wisps of pink and yellow. He could feel Aaron’s eyes on him, it made him want to squirm.

“My name is Aaron Dingle, but I used to go by Livesy. I wrote that letter when I was 15 years old before I tried to drown myself.” 

Robert closed his eyes and let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. Finally he turned and met blue eyes, so undeniably apologetic that he got momentarily lost in them. All the anger and hurt Robert had carried for too long evaporated just like that. That desire to soothe back with a vengeance.

“You don’t need to say anymore. You don’t owe me anything.” Robert meant it. He wanted to understand, he wanted Aaron to explain but not at the cost of hurting Aaron more. 

Besides, some questions just didn’t have any answers. As in why hadn’t Robert been angry with Aaron at all but angry at himself? Or why mixed in with the anger had been a spike of happiness when Robert realized Aaron was within touching distance again? And why he’d been unable to sleep at night without seeing Aaron’s face for that brief second when all his walls had come down?

Most importantly, why had Robert felt they were connected in some cosmic way that defied explanation and scared him more than he’d dare admit?

Those weren’t questions he could voice so instead he looked up at the darkening sky.

Aaron fidgeted beside him, waves of nervous energy suffocating them both.

“I’d like to explain, if you’ll let me.” 

Robert nodded, heard Aaron’s sigh on the wind.

“You’re not going to make this easy are you?” He didn’t sound upset, just resigned. Robert turned to watch the shadows of the walkway lights dance across Aaron’s face. 

_Dammit._

Robert got to his feet, brushed at his legs. Aaron balked at him, “Please…” 

Robert just held up his hand to silence him. He grabbed his blazer, softly shook off the sand and laid it down again. This time he sat down closer to Aaron, gave him a soft smile before laying back. He folded one arm behind his head and patted the empty space beside him.

He gazed once more at the appearing stars and hoped he hadn’t gotten it wrong. Aaron eventually laid down beside him, wiggled slightly to get comfortable. 

“You really are just a good guy aren’t you, Sugden.” It wasn’t a question. Robert could feel warmth bloom in his cheeks and he was thankful for the dark.

“You don’t need to sound so surprised.” He tried to keep his tone teasing and light. This might be the last time he’d see Aaron, this might be it. Robert wanted to remember it fondly. “But I did mean it. You really don’t owe me anything.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” 

* * *

They laid there in silence for a while, Robert just enjoying the sound of the waves and the warmth of the man beside him. He was overwhelmed at the knowledge that if he moved his hand slightly it would brush against Aaron’s. He resisted the urge to do just that and waited for the answers.

When Aaron finally spoke his voice was clear and unwavering.

“I lived with my dad growing up. My mum had walked out on us and he’d blamed me from the start. He was a piece of shit. I was 10 the first time he punched me so hard I ended up in A&E with a broken nose.”

Robert kept his face impassive, afraid to do anything wrong and make Aaron bolt.

“We moved around a lot. Things would be okay for a while, then something would happen and the damage would be too much to hide from neighbours or classmates. Just like that we’d be gone again, new town or village. But it kept getting worse. One night after he gave me a split lip and some bruised ribs I ran. I didn’t have much money or anywhere to go. I knew my mother lived somewhere in Yorkshire but I didn’t know exactly. It took every pound I had to get me to Whitby.”

Aaron moved his forearm over his eyes, Robert could only imagine what he was trying to block out.

“The first night here I found that fossil. I actually believed it was some sort of sign that things were finally going to get better. I slept on the beach and decided to stay until I had my next plan.”

Robert thought about his shell and closed his eyes against the memory so similar it hurt.

“I swam in the ocean everyday and got to know some of the people around. I refused to tell them my name. I was terrified they’d send me back to my dad. I thought I could find a job, find my mum, do something. It never worked out that way. By the time summer was almost over I was desperate. Then one night there was a rainstorm and I ended up sneaking into a church hoping for a dry place to sleep. That’s when Reverend Miller found me.”

Robert made a silent plea to the stars that this Reverend hadn’t done Aaron more damage. That he’d be someone worth mentioning.

“I didn’t believe in God, still don’t but the Reverend made me want to. He found me huddled down between some pews. He never got upset, didn’t try to run me off. Instead he gave me some food and let me sleep on a cot in a back room. He was just kind to me, no one had ever been that kind to me before. I trusted him, even told him my real name.”

Aaron stopped and wiped at his eyes, Robert pretended not to notice.

“I didn’t stay there all the time, just when I was desperate. One day I went to see him but he wasn’t in. I guess I fell asleep on one of the pews waiting. When I woke up there was a hand on my neck and I just panicked, that’s how my father would…”

Robert’s heart seized, because he knew. Aaron didn’t need to say it, Aaron should never have to say it. He gave in and slid his fingers over the back of Aaron’s hand for a second, hoped it offered some comfort.

Aaron let out a shaky breath but stayed silent for a while longer. He could take all the time he needed.

“By the time I realized what was happening Reverend Miller was unconscious and bleeding on the ground. I thought I’d killed him. Some people came rushing in and I ran. I didn’t know what to do. Of course the police would come for me and I deserved it, I deserved whatever punishment they wanted to give. But I couldn’t go back to my father Robert, I swore I would die before I would ever let him touch me again.”

Robert didn’t know how anyone could be so strong. Just a kid, a scared and messed up kid who thought ending his life was the only way out. This time when he moved his fingers Aaron grabbed then with his own and held on tight.

“I dug the bottle out of the trash, bummed a pen and a piece of paper from some lady. I put it all together, shoved it into my sweatpants pocket and swam out as far as I could. The last thing I remember is feeling relieved. Cold and exhausted but so relieved it was almost over.”

Robert could only open his hand, slide their palms together and lock their fingers in place. Aaron’s hand was warm and strong, so unbelievably strong.

“Someone on a boat spotted me and pulled me out. I was out of it for three days. When I came to my mother was there, I never questioned how. I went to live with her, told her everything about my father and changed my name. He died in prison and I pretend that Aaron Livesy never existed. I’d been doing a pretty shitty job of it when you showed up.”

Robert let out a wet laugh, realizing then that at some point he’d started crying too. Aaron turned his head and smiled at him, eyes somehow bright in the dark.

* * *

Robert woke up with an aching shoulder and a chill deep in his bones. The warmth of the body beside him all night was absent. When he finally mustered enough courage to open his eyes his heart sank completely. Aaron was gone. 

They’d spent the night laying in the sand just talking. It amazed him how comfortable it had been. Aaron was so easy to open up to. Robert even shared some of his own history, wanting Aaron to see they weren’t so different. He’d been proud when Aaron talked about going to see the Reverend, facing his past. It was something Robert had never been able to do.

Robert talked about leaving home at 19, ending up in Whitby, building a life he loved. He’d told Aaron stories about his friends, his excitement at Diane and John’s baby. The ragtag family he’d built for himself. 

“Your friend told me where to find you. He basically shoved me out the door.” Aaron bit his lip nervously and Robert had to stop himself from reaching out. The urge to run his fingertips across Aaron’s beard had become overwhelming and he wasn’t sure he wanted to fight it anymore.

“Clive’s a flirt but he doesn’t mean any harm.” Robert was going to buy Clive a bottle of his favourite wine. Without his mate’s interference he wouldn’t have had this, whatever it turned out to be.

“He seems like a good sort, just not my type.” And there it was, the answer Robert had been waiting for but a question he hadn’t dared ask.

Next thing Robert knew they were telling horror stories of past dates and hookups. Aaron never said a thing when Robert brought up women and men in his tales, just laughed and occasionally stared at him wide eyed. 

He couldn’t say how long they’d stayed in their bubble, stripping themselves bare to each other. None of it made any sense. Laying on the cold sand with a man he barely knew, laughing and crying. It was something out of a damn movie. When Aaron had fallen asleep he didn’t have the heart to wake him, or the will to walk away. Instead Robert had shuffled a little closer and closed his eyes.

Waking up alone proved once again that Robert had been wrong in romanticizing whatever this was. He pulled himself up, stretching as he sat and faced the water. What he saw stole the air from his lungs, made him rub at his eyes to prove he wasn’t dreaming.

Aaron glowed in the orange light of the rising sun. His feet were bare, his jeans rolled halfway up his calves. No doubt he was freezing as he stood in the tide but if he was he didn’t show it. Robert watched him kick his foot, send a spray of foam in the air.

_He looks so free._

Aaron must have felt Robert’s gaze, a mischievous grin on his face as they locked eyes. No doubt Robert was a mess of a sight, but he was unable to look away as Aaron walked up the beach towards him. The bubble was about to burst and Robert didn’t want to miss a moment of whatever time they had left. 

Aaron just stood there, hands in his pockets not saying a damn thing. Robert ran his hands through his hair and tried to act natural.

“So, we fell asleep.” Robert winced internally, tried to recover. “Been a long time since I’ve slept on the beach.”

Aaron just kept looking at him, tilted his head to the side and _looked._ Last night had been so easy, so natural but now Robert was uncertain all over again. Aaron wasn’t giving him anything to work with here. He sighed, and stood up, cringed at the sand that had worked its way into his shoes. 

“I should go. I have work, a meeting with a new client.” He was lying, but he was giving Aaron an out. That was if he needed one, wanted one.

All Aaron did was nod, and smile and _look_.

“Okay...well… I guess…” He bent down to pick up his blazer. He wondered if he pressed it to his face if it would smell like salt and sadness and Aaron.

“Robert…” 

He straightened at the crispiness of Aaron’s voice, tried to make his face impassive when their eyes finally met.

“Thank you.” Aaron pointed his chin to the sand, the outline of where they laid still visible. “For listening, for just...well for everything.”

Robert watched Aaron tuck his chin to his chest in a move that could only be described as adorable. The air still felt heavy between them, maybe it always would. Robert knew the next thing he said mattered, he didn’t want to get it wrong.

“It’s what mate’s do.” 

Aaron smirked, his feet sinking lightly in the sand. “Is that what we are?”

“If you want us to be.” Robert wasn't sure what he wanted but he knew he didn’t want to say goodbye. Not after everything, not when Aaron made him feel…

“I’d like that.” Aaron’s smile was blinding, brighter than the glare of the light off the water.

“Great, that’s….great.” Robert checked his pockets, a welcome distraction. He had his keys, his phone, his now wrinkled and possibly ruined blazer. 

He didn’t want to go but something told him Aaron needed to be alone. 

“Take care of yourself, Aaron.” It felt too impersonal to shake his hand and too intimate to reach out and hug him. Instead he just spread his arms wide at the beach and offered a smile before he turned and headed for home.

He took out his mobile to distract himself, to stop him from going back to the beach and doing something stupid. He had dozens of messages in the group chat. It seemed Clive hadn’t kept his mouth shut for long.

**Clive - Is he a good kisser? He looks like he knows what he’s doing.**

**Diane - Leave him alone. Robert, are you okay?**

**John - You’d think he wasn’t a grown man or something.**

**Jessica - It’s almost 1:00 am, don’t any of you sleep? Hope it went well Sugden, I’m putting my phone on silent now.**

**Ruby - I’m not.**

**Jessica - Ugh.**

**Clive - Okay I just pulled. I’m out.**

**Jessica - UGH!**

**Diane - Robert, seriously let us know when you can that you’re okay.**

**John - Or tell us all to piss off because you’re a functioning adult who can make his own decisions.**

Robert gave up reading after that, just typed out a quick reply that he was fine and he would explain everything later. Then he shut off his phone, not quite ready to face any more reality quite yet.

When he reached the corner he couldn’t help himself, he turned back to the beach. Aaron was just a figure at the ocean’s edge, stoic and still. Robert wished once again he knew what Aaron was thinking. What had last night had actually meant to him, if it had meant anything at all.

It wasn’t until Robert walked in his front door that he realized they’d never even exchanged numbers or anyway to contact each other.

It really had been a goodbye and his heart sank all over again.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No word of a lie this chapter was a hard one. I hope I was able to get the tone I'm trying to set across but I am not entirely sure I succeeded. Either way, I hope you enjoy. *Goes to rip her hair out over the next chapter* 
> 
> As always I appreciate you all.


	6. Friends

Aaron had a serious conundrum. He couldn’t find the right colour to describe Robert’s eyes. They were green but...not. More of a green with a touch of blue, but also...not. He’d googled it earlier, mystified that colours also had numbers, which seemed unnecessary. But even then he couldn’t find one that matched. So was it green-blue or just...

“Mate, are you listening to a word I’m saying here?” Aaron blinked as Adam came back into focus, his mate sighing like a drama queen.

He’d been hearing a lot of that lately, everyone annoyed at Aaron’s inability to pay attention but not pushing it. It seemed Aaron was smiling more, or so his mother had said, and that was a boat they didn’t want to rock.

“Do. You. Want. Another?” Adam jerked his chin at Aaron’s empty pint glass. When had that happened?

“Yeah. Cheers, mate.” He leaned back in the booth as Adam snagged both their glasses with a roll of his eyes and headed for the bar. Aaron felt bad for a second, he’d been distracted lately. He didn’t mean to be but Robert was like this constant buzzing in his head.

When had he cared about specifics of something as none important as the shade of someone’s eyes?

_When they were attached to the fittest bloke you’d ever met._

He rubbed the back of his neck and groaned. Mates, Robert wanted to be mates. That was good, Aaron didn’t have too many of those. Okay Adam, he basically only had Adam. He’d never needed more than that. 

Then again Adam didn’t know as much about Aaron as Robert did, not after that night. Thinking back it didn’t actually feel real, the memory as if it belonged to someone else. He’d never shared that much before, he’d never shared _that_ before. 

Aaron had attempted to end his life and he’d kept that secret hidden all this time. He would always protect his family, more importantly his mother, from knowing. She beat herself up enough for what he went through as a kid. It might not stop her constantly pushing him in one direction or another, her desire to see him settled and happy. He knew it was because she worried, because she loved him. 

He wasn’t frightened he’d lose her or that he’d end up alone again. For the first few years it had been a fear that never went away. It made him question every choice he made, good and bad. When he’d finally come out to his family and they accepted him, some more readily than others, he’d finally realized he was one of them. 

He was a Dingle and he belonged. So it stayed with him, locked away tightly.

_You’re a Dingle, Sunshine. We look after our own._

Aaron lived by that code, they all did.

Until he’d said the words and set himself free, to a complete stranger no less. Robert had not only listened, he seemed as though he genuinely cared. Aaron didn’t entirely understand how that could even be true, not after how their relationship had started.

_It's what mate’s do._

Just mates. That was good, healthy even. So why did Aaron hate the thought of it?

When he woke that morning on the beach the sky had just started to lighten. Robert was curled up on his side, body turned into Aaron, almost as if he'd reached for him in his sleep. His hair was a mess, shirt wrinkled and some stray sand on his cheek mingled in with his freckles. Aaron had made himself slowly move away so as to not disturb him.

He’d sat up and looked from the ocean back to Robert’s sleeping form. He’d missed it here, the comfort of the water, the freedom that came with it. When he’d first come to Whitby he’d swim everyday, wash the rough night away in the morning waves. He shuffled out of his shoes, removed his socks and rolled up his jeans the best he could. The first touch of ice cold water on his toes felt like a homecoming.

_Sorry I was gone for so long._

As if in response a gull called overhead as it swooped by and Aaron felt even lighter than before. He knew it was coincidence but there was no harm in believing the ocean forgave him. 

He stood there a while, kicked his feet in the water and let himself be a kid again or maybe for the first time ever. He knew when he turned around there were adult responsibilities and a conversation that he didn’t know if he wanted to have. When he finally looked back and saw Robert watching him he couldn’t control the jump his heart made.

But it had been awkward, the light of day made things real. Robert was a good guy and he seemed like he couldn’t get away fast enough.

Aaron didn’t blame him, could only thank him and give him an out. 

With Robert gone Aaron spent the rest of that morning on the beach, never doing more than wading in. He should have been exhausted but somehow laying in the sand with Robert had been the most peaceful sleep he’d had in memory. He knew it was the unburdening, the emotional whirlwind finally taking its toll.

Robert had said mates but Aaron was pretty sure he hadn’t meant it. No one invited a complete mess into their life, and Aaron was certain he would always be one. 

Plus there was the fact that Robert had no way of contacting him, not really. He didn’t know Aaron had his business card nestled in his wallet. He took it out a couple times a day, ran his fingers over it and debated calling. He’d even gotten a few numbers in before giving up.

Robert had done a good thing and Aaron just needed to leave him alone so he could get on with his life. He’d built a good one and Aaron was hopeful maybe one day he’d get there too.

A pint was plopped down in front of him, foam rolling over the edge.

“Hey there, watch it.”

“Oh, now he pays attention.”

There was no malice behind Adam’s words but he had a keen eye. He’d asked Aaron a couple times why he’d gone to Whitby. It’s been almost too easy to lie, how he’d just needed a couple days to himself. He knew his mate didn’t buy it but thankfully Adam was keeping his option to himself. So far anyway.

Aaron needed to make amends again. He’d been all over the place and now was the time to get back to just being himself. The one everyone knew and begrudgingly loved.

“So tell more about this bird you’re seeing, what’s her name again?”

Adam leaned back in his seat and sighed, a dreamy look on his face.

“Victoria. I am telling you mate, she’s the one. She asked me my favourite meal and she’s going to cook it for me tomorrow night. Can you believe that?”

Aaron grinned, took a long sip of his pint and let his best mate wax poetic about his new flavour of the month.

* * *

“Sunshine, you got a call out.” Cain’s voice bellowed from the office scaring Aaron half to death. He’d been half asleep with his feet up. The day was already too hot to do much more than exist. “Some bloke with a shot tire. Take him a replacement, change it and don’t forget the terminal. And…”

“Make sure to apply the fuel surcharge. I know the drill.” It amazed Aaron the fees people were willing to pay when they were desperate. He took the order slip and scrunched up his nose. “Do we even have one of these things around?” It was an old car, probably too old to still be running. 

“We got a half used one in the shed, he didn’t seem to care. Got himself a pregnant wife in this heat, he’ll pay whatever we ask.” Cain shot him a wink as he chucked the truck’s keys at him.

Aaron rolled his eyes, the last thing he needed was some hysterical female looking over his shoulder. He spent 10 minutes hunting for the right tire before loading himself up to head out, sweat already running down his back. Summer had charged in with a heatwave. The whole village was cranky and no one more so than Aaron himself.

He jogged back inside to grab a bottle of water from the garage fridge, resisted the urge to just dump the whole thing over his head. He debated it before he took three more just in case. The woman was pregnant after all. Aaron wasn’t a monster.

He found them on a layby about 20 minutes out of Emmerdale, one of the more destructive roads people insisted on taking for the sights. Aaron would never understand people’s longing to look at endless fields of grass but what did he know?

The couple smiled at him as he hopped out of the truck, thankful his black shirt hid most of his sweat stains. People had a tendency to treat mechanics like shite, even when you were the one helping the arseholes out of a jam. It was best not to give them a reason to turn up their noses.

The woman was leaning against the car, a pretty blonde with some sort of flowing flowery dress that made her look like a hippy. The man was tall and skinny and looked completed harmless. Aaron was a fan of the band whose logo was splashed across his shirt which was a good start. He hefted the newish tire out of the back and made his way to them.

The man reached out his hand and Aaron tried to remember the name on the work order, “John…”

“Andrews, yeah. Thanks so much for getting here so quickly. We really appreciate it.” He glanced at the woman, who Aaron realized on closer inspection looked completely exhausted. She still gave him a small wave and a smile before wiping at her brow. “Thought we’d have one last hurrah in this old girl before we succumbed to the minivan.” John gave a slight shudder before winking at the woman Aaron assumed was his wife.

“No problem, it should take 30 minutes tops and you’ll be on your way.” Aaron looked over to assess the situation, surprised to see the car already up on a jack and the old tire off. “Or maybe 15.”

“I hope it’s okay I got it ready for you. Diane here is being a good sport but the sooner I get her out of this heat the better for all mankind.” 

“I heard that.” The blonde smirked at Aaron, clearly a good sport and used to her husband’s jokes.

“I know darling, that’s why I said it so loud.” 

Aaron liked them instantly. Anyone who could keep a sense of humour in this situation deserved a helping hand.

“I brought some extra water, and you can sit in the car with the AC running if you want. You know, for the good of mankind.” 

Aaron smiled as John laughed while Diane looked like she was about to burst into tears. Oh shit, he shouldn’t have made that joke. He’d read them wrong, all wrong.

Thankfully John saw her water filled eyes and rushed over to wrap his arm around her shoulders. 

“Darling…”

“I know, I know.” She waved her hand in her face. “I’m sorry. Hormones, and it’s all this lovely man’s fault for being so nice. Water and AC would be heavenly.” 

Aaron walked back to the truck, turning the key and set the AC to full blast. Cain would bitch at him later for it but she looked ready to pop any second. As long as she didn’t go into labour in the next 20 minutes or so it would alright. He could deal with Cain later.

John helped his wife to the side of the truck, where she stopped and stared at the side before looking at Aaron wide eyed, “Dingle Garage? That’s the name?”

Wasn’t that who they’d called?

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Diane…” John nudged his wife and Aaron was certain he was missing something. God, had someone in his family run a con on them? It wouldn’t surprise him honestly.

“Sorry, I thought you’d called somewhere else, John. Baby brain.” Diane shrugged as if that explained everything and let her husband help her into the truck. Thinking they were done Aaron started to walk back to the car and his hopefully quick job.

“Excuse me, sir?”

He turned and was a bit taken aback at the look Diane was giving him, scrutinizing him as if he were some museum piece on display. It was unnerving but not so much in a creepy way. She reminded him of Aaron’s mother when she caught him in a lie. Like she knew him too well.

“Yeah?”

“You never told us your name.” Diane seemed to be holding her breath waiting for his answer. City folk, there were some odd ones. That or she was going into labour.

“Aaron, ma’am. Aaron Dingle. It’s my uncle’s shop.”

Her smile got huge, but John just rubbed at his face and possibly cursed. Must be some serious hormones the poor sod had to deal with. 

_Better him than me._

With that thought Aaron got to work.

* * *

“This is way less than was quoted on the phone,” John handed the payment terminal back to Aaron “I think you forgot a number.”

“Nah mate, you’re all right. You did half the work as it was.” Aaron handed it back to him, Cain might like to gouge people but they were expecting a baby and driving a beater. It didn’t seem right.

John gave him a bemused smile, typing in his code as Aaron looked over at Diane. She just kept looking at him wistfully and grinning. He gave her a tight smile back. After some water and cool air she looked more comfortable but she still made him feel antsy.

John passed back the terminal and shook Aaron’s hand. “You’re a lifesaver mate. Thanks again.”

Aaron nodded, happy to leave. He’d almost reached the freedom of his truck when a hand landed on his arm. He twisted his head and met warm brown eyes. He thought Diane must have left something in the truck but she caught him off guard as she shoved a piece of paper into his hand.

“Call him.” She gave him a mischievous grin as she started to back away.

“Call who?” The weird level had gone from amusing to a little terrifying by this point. She wasn’t trying to convert him to some bizarre religion or something was she?

“Robert Sugden. Call. Him.” With that Aaron watched her surprisingly quick sprint to the running car. John just offered an apologetic face through the window.

_How in the hell…_

He looked down at the paper in his hand, the number he had memorized there in neat black ink. By the time he looked back up the car was long gone.

* * *

Aaron refused to think about it for the rest of the day. He’d balled up the number and stuffed it in the pocket of his coveralls. He didn’t want to name how he was feeling but embarrassed sure as hell felt like the right word. So he buried it until he could deal with it, whenever that would be.

Aaron did catch a load of hassle from Cain over the Andrews job. Thankfully the next call out that afternoon was a couple in a brand new BMW. The husband eyed him up a little too much for his liking so Aaron didn’t feel bad taking his money. Not with his wife wearing enough jewelry to blind him. In the end the man shook his hand, offering up a hefty tip and his business card with a wink. Aaron was too tired and sweaty to do more than scowl at his advances.

It wasn’t the first time some closeted bloke hit on Aaron in full view of his oblivious or uncaring spouse. However today he’d had enough of feeling like a pawn in someone else’s game. He made a show of letting the card slip into the dust as he headed back to his truck.

But the man’s money he’d kept, he’d earned that.

He ignored Cain’s laugh when he saw the total for Mr. BMW, desperate to get home and have a long cold shower. When that was done he didn’t do more than slip on some boxers and head for the kitchen. 

Two cans in and he let himself face the facts. First, Diane and John Andrews had to be the couple Robert had spoken fondly of. His mates who were more like family. The pieces fit together snugly. Second, Robert had clearly told them about Aaron, but how much he didn’t know. Probably not the truth if Diane was so keen on him having her good mate’s number. Thirdly, the world was clearly trying to fuck him over.

Did Robert _want_ Aaron to call? Nice guy Sugden worried that messed up Dingle was going to do something stupid? None of it felt right, Robert was just too genuine for that. He said mates, and Aaron believed it.

But…

_But what?_

No doubt that by now, or soon, Robert would know what Diane had done. Which meant the ball was in Aaron’s court. Which made Aaron the liar if he didn’t reach out, didn’t make small talk and act like they were pals.

_Mates._

He picked up his phone and then jumped when he got a notification, almost dropping it and knocking over his empty tins.

_Just an email Dingle, calm down._

Happy for the distraction he opened it, surprised Reverend Miller had reached out so soon. He requested dates when Aaron would be available to come talk to the kids. For some reason the manager was thrilled at the idea and with Aaron offering up his time. It warmed him that he might actually be able to do something worthwhile for a change. The kids would probably find it boring, he would have at that age. But it was the first time he had something to give back, a tangible way to make amends.

He quickly typed out the next few days he had off and that he was willing to do whatever they needed. It wasn’t until he hit send that the full scope of this new opportunity hit him.

He had a reason to be back in Whitby. Robert was in Whitby. They were _mates._

A plan already forming in his head Aaron opened another can and hoped it didn’t take too long for Reverend Miller to respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very lax in the editing of this chapter so my apologies!


	7. Flexible Strategies

“You did what?!” Jessica screeched loud enough that a few pub patrons stared at her from the bar. Ruby put a hand on her arm that thankfully calmed her down. Still if looks could kill Diane would be in some serious trouble.

“I told her not to mate, but…” John looked apologetic but resigned.

“I mean it was just...the world literally placed him in our laps. Robert, what was I supposed to do?” Diane didn’t look apologetic, she looked sure. No doubt she’d do it all over again.

“Mind your own business?” Clive pushed Robert’s pint closer to him on the table. “Rob, you okay?”

The thing was he could hear them, but none of it was registering. Aaron had his number, had been in possession of it for three days and he hadn’t called. Robert wasn’t angry, he didn’t know how to feel. 

He hadn’t told his friends the majority of what he and Aaron had discussed on the beach. That had been too private and special to give away, something just between them. He shared that they’d connected, that they’d buried the hatchet. He’d told none of them how much that night had meant to him, how he replayed it over and over again in his head. Or that he’d tortured himself by looking up Aaron on Instagram. He could have reached out that way but it didn’t feel right. 

Robert had barged into Aaron’s life, he hadn’t been a willing participant. He’d apologized to Robert and that was the end of it. He knew that, he’d accepted that but still he’d waited. He knew it was fanciful but the heart had hoped.

Now that hope was officially dead.

He’d heard about Diane and John’s Yorkshire adventure, them breaking down and being saved by a mechanic. They’d never said a word about meeting Aaron, about Diane butting in. He knew she was tenacious and John would have tried to stop her to no avail. 

Yet she’d been asking about Aaron the last three days and he should have known something was up. When she’d asked again just moments ago John had just grumbled, “You tell him or I will, darling.” 

Now Robert was sitting there completely unsure of why his chest suddenly ached enough that he had to run his hand against it. It didn’t help.

“It’s fine.” That was all he was able to get out, his heart in his throat. It was somehow important that his mates didn’t think Aaron had gotten to him. At least not like that, not as deeply as he had. 

“Robert, you can talk to us.” Ruby looked at him with big blue eyes. Jessica was still glaring at Diane and somehow that made Robert feel better. He wasn’t upset with her but it was nice that someone was.

“There’s nothing to say.” He drained the last of his pint and offered up a fake smile. He didn’t actually care if they bought it or not. “To be honest I’m kind of glad. The whole thing was so...anyway. He’s good. I’m good. It’s good.”

Clive sighed dramatically, but no one said anything else.

“I’m getting another, anyone want anything?” He stood up and walked away when they all solemnly shook their heads. He hated that they were all sad for him. It wasn’t as if his life would stop, it wasn’t as if any of it had meant anything. 

He waited for his pint and tried to shake it off. He knew now, and that meant moving on. He winced at the thought. What was he even moving on from? Aaron and Robert didn’t have anything really. It all ended as quickly as it had begun. Aaron was just a story, one of those “life is crazy” kind of tales you told your grandchildren one day.

That was if Robert ever had any.

His mates were whispering and weren’t subtle as they clammed up the minute Robert was within earshot. He sat in his chair beside Clive and knew it was up to him to break the tension, to bring back the peace. Jessica could be downright viscous when she wanted to be.

Robert caught Diane’s eye and smiled, “He’s pretty gorgeous though isn’t he.”

“Oh my God. So hot.” Diane waved her hand at her face and laughed when John gave her an affronted look. “Oh darling, I’m married not dead.

Clive raised his glass, “A toast to Aaron Dingle, the man who broke all our hearts with a face to rival Robert’s.” 

“I’ll drink to that.” Diane raised her glass of orange juice in solidarity.

Robert laughed, raised his pint and then froze when his mobile lit up and dinged from where it lay on the table.

“Not to get everyone excited but I’m pretty sure anyone that would text you is sitting here so…” Clive made a grab for Robert’s phone but thankfully wasn’t quick enough. He held it to his chest, aware how fast his heart was beating. it felt like it could explode at any minute.

“It’s probably just work.” He didn’t want to look at it, that damn feeling of hope was back again. Was it wrong to want to enjoy it for a few more minutes?

“At half past eight on a Friday night? Doubtful.” Clive was a bastard but he was usually right. “Just take a damn look and put us all out of our misery.”

Robert took a deep breath, feeling somehow like he was in school again waiting for his crush to call. Oh God, was that this was? Did he have a crush?

“Rob, I swear to God…” Jessica used her threatening voice. She did legitimately scare him at times. Robert unlocked his phone and his stomach did a somersault when he read the words. 

His face must have given it away because his mates cheered. He wasn’t entirely sure but he might have heard Diane and Ruby high five. None of that mattered though, because hope was alive again and she was sticking around for a little while longer.

**I know it’s short notice but I’ll be up that way tomorrow. Are you free for lunch or coffee? It’s fine if you’re not.**

**Oh and it’s Aaron Dingle. You know, that mate of yours.**

* * *

Robert might have spent way too long working on his reply. Clive and Diane nattering in his ear didn’t help. Finally after 20 minutes he pressed send and hoped he didn’t sound excited as he actually was. 

_ I should be free in the afternoon. I know a great place. Does 1pm work for you? _

The quick reply made his heart leap.

**Perfect. Send me the address and I’ll meet you there.**

Robert did and was a little disappointed by the reply of a thumbs up emoji but he didn’t let it damper his good mood. At the end of the night Diane looked smug as she hugged him goodbye. Ruby wished him luck and Jessica whispered in his ear that Aaron better be worthy of him.

By the next day Robert was sort of a mess. He hadn’t slept well. He kept trying to think of conversation topics, nothing was more awkward than a long silence. He hoped that it went as well as the night on the beach and not as badly as the morning after.

He spent way too long on what to wear, on the perfect tousled look to his hair. He arrived at the cafe 10 minutes early to make sure they had a table. He wiped his hands on his jeans too many times to count. He didn’t think he’d ever been this terrified of messing up in his entire life.

At 1:00 on the nose his phone buzzed in his pocket. Worried he was going to be stood up he was relieved to see Aaron was running a few minutes late.

**Sorry mate, be there in 10.**

Robert smiled but then read it again. That was the second time Aaron had called him  _ mate.  _ The first time he thought it was a tease, just a joke on their awkward banter on the beach. Now he was reading it differently.

Maybe this wasn’t a date? He’d been certain it was, but maybe Aaron didn’t feel that way. You didn’t go on dates with your mate. You drank too much and complained about your boss. You met in pubs, not in the private corner booth of a cafe, no matter how good the coffee was.

Robert steeled himself. They could be friends. Or maybe they could start being friends and it could be more eventually.

_ Reality check, Sugden. _

He didn’t have enough time to figure it out because when he looked up Aaron walked through the door. Jeans, a black tee and a smile should not look so deveasting on one person. Robert had an overwhelming urge to take the fork on the table and stab it in his thigh.

_ Mates, Sugden. Mates. _

He didn’t bother standing, instead going for a relaxed nod. Aaron slid across from him, crossed his arms on the table and whispered a soft, “Hey.”

Robert was so fucked.

* * *

They ordered coffee. Aaron looked at the menu, asking Robert what was worth having. When he noticed Robert wasn’t reading one he shot him a perplexed look.

“Are you not eating?”

Aaron looked so damn sincere that Robert lied and said he already knew what he wanted. Well he did, it just wasn’t on the menu but Aaron didn’t need to know that. The thought of eating while his stomach did somersaults by simply being in Aaron’s presence seemed like a bad idea.

They both ordered burgers and sipped their coffee, Robert marveled at the amount of sugar Aaron dumped into his cup.

“I knew it, you’re a coffee snob.” Aaron’s eyes twinkled and Robert had to laugh. Aaron just made it so easy to be around him. He had a soft warmth that radiated and made you feel safe. Made Robert feel  _ safe _ in a way he wanted to tumble into. Instead he cupped his hands around his mug and made sure his voice didn’t falter as the waitress took their order.

Thankfully Aaron broke the ice.

“Your friend Diane is a bit of a spitfire.” 

“That’s putting it nicely, but I’ll tell her you said so. She’ll love that.” 

Aaron bit his lip and Robert gripped his coffee so tightly he was amazed it didn’t shatter.

“I want you to know I didn’t share with them what you told me in confidence. They know everything with me finding the bottle, and then well you know...” Robert trailed off, a little lost in the blue of Aaron’s eyes.

“It’s okay. You told me how close you all are. I’m surprised she gave me your number instead of a slap.” 

Aaron couldn't honestly think could he?

“Oh no, they’re all very much Team Aaron. I am pretty sure they’d all be here if I’d dare let them come.” Why had Robert said that? He was usually much smoother than this, or at least he hoped he had been.

“Good to know.” Aaron winked over his mug as he took a sip. Did mates do that? Sure, Clive winked at Robert all the time but Clive was a shameless flirt who winked at everyone. Aaron didn’t seem like he winked often, more like the stoic man in the corner that let the admirers come to him. Robert knew if he’d seen Aaron in a bar he’d have come running.

The waitress came by to refill their coffees, preventing either of them from having to say anything. Some sloshed out into Aaron’s thumb, Robert watched him lick it quickly before reaching for the sugar. It was like an electric shock to his system so intense he had to look away. If his  _ mate  _ knew what he was thinking their friendship could get even more awkward. He distracted himself by glancing up when the door to the cafe opened. He almost raised his hand in a wave when he realized it was Ruby until he felt the colour drain from his face.

_ Shit. Fuck. Dammit. _

Ruby’s face lit up when she saw Robert. She bounced on her toes before starting to walk towards him. He widened his eyes, checking quickly to make sure Aaron was still engrossed in his sugar to coffee ratio and didn’t see Robert shake his head quickly.

Ruby stopped, looked at him oddly before her mouth opened into a silent, “Oh.” She pointed excitedly at Aaron’s back, mouthed “Is that him?”

“Everything okay?” Aaron turned his head, Ruby dropped her hands and grimaced when she saw she had been spotted. Aaron glanced back at Robert with a raised eyebrow.

“Sorry, she’s one of those good friends of mine. I didn’t tell them where we were meeting. I promise she’s not here to scope you out or…”

“Make sure I’m not a psycho?”

Robert opened his mouth to explain but before he could Ruby was at their table, an apology spilling out of her.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were here. Jessica has been bitchy all morning so I thought, hey I’ll get her that veggie sandwich she loves and that’ll cheer her up. I solemnly swear that I am not here to do recon.” She was babbling, which she did most of the time. God, Robert loved her, he really did. She was funny and kind, so bloody caring. He knew she’d feel guilty about this for weeks but right now he needed her to stop talking and go. That was the only way to salvage this.

“Anyway, please don’t let this impact how you feel about Robert. He’s basically the best person I know. If I wasn’t gay I would have married him a long time ago.” 

Aaron just looked at her bewildered and Robert was pretty certain that whatever they might have been had just died a very painful death.

“Okay, yeah I’ll go. Sorry again Aaron, you are Aaron right?” She looked at Robert with anxious eyes. It was as if she knew she was making it worse but couldn’t stop herself. “Right, well nice to meet you.” She mouthed sorry to Robert one more time before she made a run for it. 

“Ruby?” Aaron’s voice was just above a whisper but she stopped, whirled back around. “Ruby Tuesday?”

Robert watched as Ruby ran her eyes over Aaron’s face. He knew she hated being called that, her normally bubbly personality turning cold the moment it was uttered. 

This time however her eyes widened, a bright grin splashed across her face.

“Monkey Man?”

The next thing Robert knew Aaron slid out of the booth, and Ruby launched herself into his open arms.

* * *

“Grams moved to be closer to my parents and left me the shop. She’ll be so excited to hear that I saw you.” Ruby was eating chips off Robert’s plate, sitting beside him as she talked animatedly to Aaron across the table. “I can’t believe your name is Aaron. I figured you for a Thomas, maybe a Reginald.”

Aaron gave her a pointed look, “I’d rather be Monkey Man over a Reginald any day.”

She giggled and then reached her hand to pat Aaron’s arm. “I’m so glad you’re okay. You scared us half to death, disappearing like that.”

Aaron gave her a sad smile, his eyes meeting Robert’s for a split second before looking down at his half finished burger.

For the last 30 minutes Robert had been in shock as Aaron and Ruby caught up on the last 10 years of their lives. Every snippet he heard from their mouths was like meeting a totally different Aaron. Back when he’d been young and surly, back when Ruby had made it her daily mission to make him laugh.

“He’d hang out on the beach across from our shop. Grams adored him even though all he did was sneer. Remember when she gave you that hoodie that wouldn’t sell? Robert, it said  _ I left my heart in Whitby  _ and he actually wore it.”

Aaron shrugged, his cheeks pink, “It made her happy, and she was good to me. You both were.”

They shared a soft moment, the kind that made Robert feel like he was intruding. There was so much he didn’t know about Aaron and he was jealous that Ruby clearly did. Hell, they had nicknames for each other, kept referencing someone named Squatch and sniggering in unison.

But seeing Aaron happy like this, proudly telling Ruby, and by extension Robert, how far he’d come. He talked about moving to Emmerdale with his mom. Shared how he had a crazy but loving family, how he’d figured it out. He even shared why he’d been in Whitby that day, teaching a basic car mechanics course to some teens at the youth center. Robert ate up every tidbit Aaron shared even though it wasn’t really for him. 

Half of him wanted Ruby to leave but the other half wanted to enjoy this animated version of Aaron. It gave him a sense of peace that there were happy memories mixed in with the bad.

The waitress came by, sliding the bill on the table on her way past. Ruby looked at it, glanced between Aaron and Robert.

“I should go. Jess is probably wondering where I am. That will call for a chocolate pastry from down the street.” She leaned over to press a kiss to Robert’s cheek before standing. She pointed at Aaron, “Don’t be a stranger, yeah?”

Aaron nodded and Robert watched her flounce away. She turned at the door, gave Robert one last mouthed “I am so sorry” and was gone. By then he saw Aaron had fished out his wallet and put down some bills.

“It’s on me.” Robert opened his mouth to protest but Aaron silenced him with a friendly glare. “You can get the next one.”

Robert followed Aaron out to the street, repeating the words  _ next one  _ over and over again while trying to not blatantly stare at Aaron’s shoulders. The black shirt did wonders for them, and Robert was transfixed. That was becoming a habit where Aaron was concerned.

Once outside Aaron stood facing him, shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down at Robert’s feet.

“So none of that went how I wanted it to.” Aaron looked up with his bottom lip between his teeth and Robert was almost certain the man was trying to kill him.

He didn’t know what to say, so instead he just shrugged and smiled. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, and though he wanted more time with Aaron, more alone time, it hadn’t been horrible.

“Maybe next time dinner? Somewhere far far away and free of anyone that could possibly know either of us.” 

Robert’s responding laugh bubbled out almost manically. Aaron looked hopeful, those blue eyes searching Robert’s face. For a minute it didn’t feel like  _ mates _ at all. 

For once Robert didn’t play it safe, because it was Aaron and it still felt they were on the edge of something amazing. 

Robert took a deep breath, “It’s a date.”

When Aaron let out a breathy, “Yeah?” Robert had to stop himself from reaching out and just kissing him right there in the sunshine.

“Yeah.”

Aaron started to walk backwards, his smile flirty and sinful. “I’ll text you.” Before Robert could respond Aaron winked at him, ducked into the car they’d been standing in front of and drove off

He watched him go, his heart exploding when Aaron honked his car horn before turning a corner. Robert smiled up at the sky and breathed easy for the first time in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is legitimately doing whatever it wants and I am just along for the ride. Thanks for joining me.


	8. Wrapped Around Your Finger

_How many jelly babies do you think would fit in a baby bottle?_

**184.**

_Oh there’s a story there._

**Just a lot of breeding in my family.**

_If I win I owe you._

**Obviously.**

Aaron couldn’t seem to wipe the smile from his face as he imagined Robert spending the afternoon at Diane’s baby shower. He shouldn’t find the idea of it so endearing but he resigned himself to being ridiculous where Robert was concerned. He was just happy, genuinely and sincerely happy and that was such a foreign feeling. In the last few days Aaron had to remember to scowl so no one would suspect anything. He didn’t dare tell anyone for fear it would ruin it somehow.

When Robert didn’t respond to his text, no doubt playing some game that involved nappies, Aaron leaned his head back on the sofa and closed his eyes. Things between them had been good, really good. They hadn’t made plans to see each other again but Aaron barely waited 24 hours before texting Robert. What followed was three days of flirty banter that didn’t show any signs of stopping.

He didn’t want to rush their next date. Okay their _first_ date. With Robert he wanted to do things right. The problem was Aaron wasn’t exactly good at that. He’d never had a serious relationship before Ed, and that had been a one night stand that just never really ended. Thinking about it, that time with Robert on the beach might have been the closest thing Aaron had ever come to an actual date. Sure there was no candles or wine but the moonlight had more than made up for it. 

He’d used the ruse of coffee as a way to put out feelers. Robert knew too much about him, it would be understandable if he ran a mile. Aaron worried the interruption by Ruby would have a negative impact. He was thankful it turned out to have the complete opposite effect

Seeing Ruby again had been a shock to his system. Aaron should have made the connection sooner, Robert had mentioned her name when he spoke of his friends. Aaron had just spent so many years blocking out the bad memories that he’d ignore some of the good ones as well. 

There had been good times, Ruby and her Gran the biggest part of it. It was only his third day in Whitby when Ruby had walked up to him and shoved a banana and a bottle of water in his hands. He hadn’t wanted to take them, he didn’t need charity from strangers and the last thing he wanted was to owe anyone anything. Then he’d seen Ruby’s Gran looking anxious just a few feet away and even he couldn’t disappoint an old woman. Plus he hadn’t eaten since the day before. 

After that Aaron made a point of stopping in most mornings after his swim. He’d help Gran set up her displays outside the store, let her feed him a sandwich and a cup of tea. Eventually Ruby warmed up to him, though she’d never been a fan of his nickname for her.

“How original, not like I haven’t heard that one before.” The next day she’d called him Monkey Man when he once again refused to give them his name. He really liked Gran and he was grateful that she looked out for him, that she genuinely seemed to care. Yet he had no doubt she’d turn to the authorities thinking she was helping him. Aaron didn’t want to be in the system and he wasn’t going back to his father no matter what.

But it felt good having friends, people that kept a look out for his well-being. Monkey Man had been his mum’s favourite Rolling Stones song and it warmed him whenever Roby said it. He had memories of her dancing with him in their kitchen to that song when he was little. Again, another good memory mixed in with a shitload of bad. 

He hated that he’d never said goodbye to Gran or Ruby when he’d left. He hated himself even more that he’d not even thought of them much at all in the years that followed. He’s convinced himself they didn’t actually care, that they’d just felt pity for him. More people probably happy to see the back of him. 

For so many years Aaron had tried to forget Whitby but now life was just bringing it all back, pushing it in his face and forcing Robert along for the ride.

His phone beeped, a laugh bubbling out when he read Robert’s message.

_We lost. 153._

**Not a regulation sized baby bottle then.**

_Are you saying I should appeal the decision on the grounds of illegal practice?_

**Depends, what was the prize?**

_A vanilla scented candle and my pride._

Aaron laughed again but the sound of the front door opening had him shoving his phone in his pocket. He grabbed a magazine off the coffee table and pretended he was engrossed when Adam walked into their living room.

“Beer, mate.” 

Aaron looked up just in time to see a can headed straight for his head. He caught it as Adam grinned and collapsed in the chair beside the sofa. He took a long sip and then leaned forward on his knees.

“Guess what.” The mischief in Adam’s eyes didn’t bode well for Aaron.

“You finally figured out which boot goes on which foot?” Aaron hadn’t been fast enough to dodge one of the throw pillows his mum bought them, insisting they needed to make the place _homey._ It hit him right on the side of his head.

“No numpty. Vic invited me to spend the weekend at her place, the whole weekend.” Adam looked exactly how Aaron felt, excited at the possibility that was before him with someone special.

“Sounds serious.”

“It is. I mean we haven’t had the discussion yet but I don’t want to see anyone else.” Adam pointed his finger at Aaron, narrowed his eyes. “And don’t you start. This one is different.”

“When do I get to meet her then? Or are you afraid she’ll like me more than you?”

“Please, everyone likes me best. I’m the good looking one. And the funny one. I mean the only thing you got going for you is me.” Aaron threw the pillow back, annoyed when Adam caught it easily. “So I’ll be spending two days loved up with the prettiest girl you ever saw. What are your plans?”

Aaron just shrugged.

“You need to get out there son, maybe go out on the pull while you got the place to yourself.” Adam put his can down on the table and stood up. “I’m having a shower, best two out of three pays for pizza?”

“So you then.” Aaron picked up his gaming controller and powered on the system, beating Adam wasn’t even hard.

“I don’t know mate, I’m feeling lucky.” Adam patted his shoulder and headed up the stairs. Aaron waited until he heard the water running before he pulled out his phone and typed a quick message.

**You got any plans this weekend?**

* * *

Aaron woke up to his phone ringing on his chest, the TV playing on low and an empty pizza box on the coffee table. Adam had gone to his room early and Aaron had planned to stay up and watch some Top Gear. It wasn’t like he was waiting up for Robert to respond, he just really enjoyed the show. 

He fumbled with his mobile, saw it was Robert and hit the answer button before he thought too much about it. “Hello?” It came out gruff, and he cleared his throat.

“Is it too late to call, I wasn’t sure. Did I wake you? It sounds like I woke you.” Aaron smiled softly when he heard Robert take a deep breath. 

“It’s okay, I fell asleep watching TV. What time is it?”

“Just past 11:00, I can let you go. We can talk tomorrow if….”

“No, I’m glad you called.” Aaron squeezed his eyes shut as he realized how eager he sounded.

“Yeah?” 

Aaron could feel the blush spread across his cheeks, thankful Robert wasn’t in the same room. “Yeah.”

This time it was Robert clearing his throat. “I just saw your text. Things got a little hectic with opening presents and then John needed help setting up the crib. Clive was useless, as usual. Anyway, I thought calling would be easier for making plans.” 

Aaron sat up to rid himself of the final remnants of sleep, making sure he’d heard that correctly, “So you’re free this weekend?”

“Well not anymore, what were you thinking?” He could hear the smile in Robert’s voice and Aaron wished he could see him after all.

“My roommate is spending the weekend at his girlfriend’s. I thought maybe you’d want to come here for dinner or something. We could order in.” The scope of what he was saying hit him. “I mean if you don’t mind the drive, or we could meet in the middle if you’d prefer.”

“Dinner at yours sounds perfect, probably safest if we want to avoid other people given our history.” 

Aaron wanted to pump his fist in the air, excited at a night with Robert all to himself. “Saturday? Say around 6:00ish. I have to work but I have Sunday off. I’ll provide the beer.”

“You have yourself a deal.”

They were both silent for a moment, Aaron hoped Robert was wearing the same soppy grin as he was.

“Who won the candle?” 

“Some coworker of Diane’s, but I’m pretty sure she cheated. My theory involves hypnosis and intimidation tactics”

Aaron chuckled, settling back down on the couch and got himself comfortable.

“Tell me more.”

* * *

For the next few days Aaron was a nervous mess, thinking too hard on what to wear and looking at his place with a keen eye. Every moment Adam wasn’t around he cleaned, desperate to make some sort of impression that he wasn’t a slob who didn’t have his life together.

The only time he wasn’t nervously thinking about Robert was when he was actually talking to him, nightly phone calls another thing they just fell into. They still texted throughout the day but there was something soothing about Robert’s voice. Aaron would close his eyes and imagine they were back on the beach, face to face and shutting out the world.

They didn’t talk about anything serious, it felt in some ways they’d said most of that already. Robert was witty, his humour had an intelligence to it that Aaron found intriguing. He found everything about Robert intriguing.

Saturday he had to work, eyes on the clock so much that Cain kicked him out an hour early, but making a point he was docking Aaron’s pay. He didn’t care, it gave him more time to make sure everything was perfect. Robert deserved it.

He popped into David’s market, his son Noah playing some game on a tablet behind the register. Aaron grabbed some beer and crisps, debated getting a bottle of wine but eventually gave that idea up. He didn’t know much other than one was red and the other wasn’t. Beer seemed the safest option.

He felt like something was missing, should he get some dessert? Was that a date thing? It felt like a date thing. He should have thought of that earlier, nothing in the shop would be nice enough. As he stood in line to pay he couldn’t help but feel like he’d messed this up already. Robert, the nicest and best looking bloke Aaron had ever met and he was going to offer him up crisps? 

_Smooth, Dingle._

Flowers maybe? Aaron had only ever bought his mum flowers. The market had nice bouquets out front but he always just bought the pink ones. That seemed to make Chas Dingle happy.

He gave Noah a tight smile as he dumped his stuff on the counter. He didn’t want the kid to start yammering on to him, he was just as chatty as his father. As he fished his wallet out of his pocket he noticed a small display beside the register, paper wrapped soaps and candles in clear glass jars. The sign said “All Natural Soy” but who the hell knew what that meant.

Noah caught him looking, “Bernice’s newest money making scheme. She’s started a spa line. All the ladies in town have been going gaga over it.”

Aaron cringed at the thought when an idea struck him. He picked a candle up, took a whiff of its scent. Vanilla with a hint of something else, cinnamon? The price was a bit high but it would be funny right? He liked the idea of making Robert laugh. He decided not to think too hard about it, he could hide it later if he decided it was daft. It probably was but he needed to do something to show Robert he cared.

He put the candle beside the crisps as Noah gave him a weird look.

“For my mum.” Aaron refused to make eye contact with the kid lest he see through the lie. “Always best to keep her happy.”

Noah laughed and handed Aaron his change, already smiling at the next person in line. He almost ran out of there, afraid someone would catch him out. Like the whole village knew he had a date with someone way out of his league.

At home he put everything away, placing the candle on the gleaming kitchen table where it mocked him for being a soft idiot. He refused to think anymore about it and focused on getting ready. 

He showered quickly but spent time on trimming his stubble and doing his hair. It was too warm out to wear one of his nice jumpers so he settled on a newer pair of jeans and a black Henley that that made his arms look good. He wasn’t vain but he knew he could turn heads when he wanted to.

He debated putting on some of the cologne his mum had got him at Christmas but worried he’d put too much on. He didn’t want to be one of those guys, so it seemed safer to avoid it altogether. When that was finished he stood in front of his bed with his hands on his hips. Did he change the sheets or not?

In all their texts and calls the one thing Aaron and Robert hadn't discussed was _that._ Robert was driving over 90 minutes to see him; he couldn’t very well push beer at him and then send him back to Whitby. Surely Robert had thought of that though, was prepared to make the drive back. Aaron wasn’t expecting them to get there yet. Robert wasn’t a one night stand. Aaron wanted him to be more than that.

In the end he changed the sheets and his duvet cover. This way he could offer Robert his bed and Aaron could sleep in Adam’s room if they drank too much. He kind of liked the idea of kissing Robert goodnight at his bedroom door, his stomach fluttered at the thought of it.

He straightened the pillows on his bed and finally felt like he was ready. He could do this, for once things would go Aaron’s way. 

He actually believed it until he heard the bell ring.

* * *

Robert was on the other side of the door, shy smile in place and a pastry box in his hand. He looked good, his hair seemed lighter than the last time Aaron saw him. His face was brighter, more freckles across his nose. Aaron wanted to count them.

“Hey.” Aaron bit his lip and felt a shiver up his spine when he watched Robert’s eyes flicker down to his mouth. When they locked gazes again heat pooled in his stomach. So far so good. “Come in.”

He stepped back to let Robert into the small kitchen, shut the door and hopefully blocked out the rest of the world when he did so. Aaron turned to see Robert sneaking a peak down the hall, probably curious about what was waiting for him. To be fair Aaron felt the same way.

“You want a tour?” Aaron almost laughed at the guilty look Robert shot him. Instead he glanced down at the box. “What’s in there?”

The awkward tension of the last few moments seemed to disappear, Robert’s face lit up with a cheeky grin. “I come bearing gifts of pastry.” He held the box out for Aaron to take. “But no looking, it’s a surprise for after dinner.”

Aaron took the box and resisted the urge to be a brat and sneak a look inside. Instead he put the box on the counter and leaned against the fridge. They both just stood there, unable to do more than smile at each other. Aaron would be more than content if that’s all they did for the rest of the night. Robert looked good, a white button down with the sleeves rolled up, untucked over his jeans. He appeared relaxed and put together at the same time. A quiet confidence to him that Aaron had never possessed.

“Hey.” The things that Robert’s voice did to him was going to become a problem.

“Hey back.” Aaron stepped forward, ready to lead Robert into the living room and towards whatever the evening would bring. He glanced down at the table and stopped himself. “Oh, I have a gift for you too actually.”

“You do?” 

Aaron snagged the candle and thrust it at Robert roughly, suddenly shy at how intimate the moment felt.

“It’s nothing special, but I figured I owed you.”

Robert gave Aaron a puzzled look before he stared down at the glass in his hand.

“You got me a candle?”

“It’s vanilla.”

“You got me a vanilla candle?” Robert sounded mystified, his face blank as he sniffed it and closed his eyes. When he opened them again there was a question there Aaron didn’t know the answer to. Robert placed his present carefully back on the table. Aaron couldn’t read him, and he realized he must have messed this up already.

“I thought, you know, because I lost you the one at the shower.” Aaron was babbling, he’d thought Robert would get the joke. Now he had to back peddle so their night wasn’t completely ruined. “Sorry, it’s stupid…” He couldn’t get the rest of the words out. He was cut off by large hands cradling his face, all he saw was freckles before a soft press of lips against his. 

It was gentle, Robert’s mouth melding perfectly with his own. Aaron had never been kissed like this before, of that he was certain. He couldn’t find a way to describe it, the words all jumbled together in his brain. A slow brush of a thumb against his cheek sparking fireworks behind his eyelids, his heart pounding in his ears.

It couldn’t have been more than a few seconds but the instant Robert pulled back Aaron missed him, deeper than he thought possible. He opened his eyes slowly, his breath catching when he realized he wasn’t the only one dazed by the kiss. He licked his lips, the need to keep the warmth of Robert a moment longer overwhelmed him. Aaron squeezed his fingers, realized somehow they had a hold of Robert’s waist. He marveled at how right they fit there.

He looked into those impossible eyes, the ones a shade he still couldn’t name and watched them darken. Everything around them seemed to fade away, a fuzzy haze outside the sharp lines of Robert’s face. His ridiculously handsome face that Aaron wanted to memorize. There wasn’t a part of Robert he didn’t want to discover and keep for himself. Tuck it all away from everyone else and claim as his own, protect the treasure no one could be worthy of.

Maybe Robert could hear his thoughts or maybe how Aaron felt was written all over his face. Maybe they were back in their bubble where they were the only two people in the world, where they understood each other. No matter what it was it didn’t matter, not when Robert pulled him in again.

This time all the gentleness was gone. This time it was all heat and desperation, Robert held Aaron exactly where he wanted him. He hadn’t expected this, for good natured and kind Robert to take charge. He backed Aaron up against the fridge, one hand at the back of his head while the other fisted in his shirt, pulled them impossibly closer. The last thought he had before his mind went blissfully blank was he’d never think of candles the same way ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic continues to be a brat and not listen to me. I have accepted this and we continue on. Thank you for all the kind comments. We (the fic and I) appreciate them more than you know.


	9. Once Upon A Daydream

Robert hadn’t planned this. He’d planned flirty conversation and breathing in the same air as Aaron for an evening. After nights over the phone and days of text messages all he looked forward to was laughing together in person. Every new communication made hope dance in his chest, the want to _be_ with Aaron in any way possible had become almost unbearable. 

So he’d planned to be charming, had picked chocolate pastries that he daydreamed of tasting when he kissed Aaron goodnight. That is if he got to be so lucky. He’d imagined bad takeaway and good beer, fingers that would itch to touch but would wait until the right time.

Then Aaron opened the door and had looked so damn inviting that Robert steeled himself. He was hit with a wave of desire so strong it almost knocked him over. The flirting mixed with Aaron’s rambling over the candle had been his absolute undoing.

Up until then Robert let himself believe that maybe he was the only one who felt the weight of what they were. He knew he was a romantic. He didn’t actually expect Aaron could feel entirely the same way, at least not yet. It was a candle, a stupidly fancy vanilla scented candle but to Robert it meant that he wasn’t alone. Not in this, not with Aaron.

Somehow that had led to him finding a spot below Aaron’s ear that made the mechanic keen whenever Robert’s lips grazed across it. He scraped his teeth and was rewarded with a groan of his name. Aaron’s back arched to bring them closer together as greedy hands curled into Robert’s back pockets and squeezed.

“Jesus Christ.” Robert whispered the words against Aaron’s mouth before claiming it again. He could kiss him forever, oxygen no longer the most important thing for his survival. It was the man in his arms, the sounds he made and how everywhere they touched was like a brand on his body. That was all that mattered now. He pulled away and pressed their foreheads together. “I was going to be a bloody gentleman.”

Aaron’s eyes opened as warm pants of air filled the space between them, what little of it there was. Robert caught a smile before he felt open mouth kisses reverent across his cheek, under his chin, at the pulse point at the base of his throat. Robert dug his fingers into Aaron’s bicep and tried to stay upright.

“What do you want?” The question was an electric spark through his whole body. Aaron didn’t seem to wait for an answer, just undid buttons and followed the path he created with his lips, his tongue. Robert groaned when stubble scrapped against his skin.

“You.” It was barely whisper, his mind unable to do more than float in on the heat that encased them both.

Aaron stilled and Robert wondered what had changed. Had he said something wrong? He moved his hand to cradle dark hair, used enough pressure so they were eye to eye again. What he saw was blue eyes filled with disbelief. 

Did Aaron still not get it? Could he still not understand?

Robert ran his fingers down Aaron’s neck, along his arm until he reached the hands still pressed against his chest. He grabbed a hold of one, lifted it to his mouth and pressed a small kiss to the delicate skin of Aaron’s wrist. He saw that bewildered look soften, a realization coming to life in front of Robert’s very own eyes

“Just you.” He whispered the words into the now damp skin before lacing their fingers together. When Aaron smiled Robert felt it everywhere.

Time seemed to slow after that. Aaron looked at their joined hands, pressed one more gentle kiss to Robert’s lips before pulling away. He tugged them along, quietly walked them up the stairs before stopping at a closed doorway. Aaron glanced at him then, bit his lip as he tilted his head. Robert realized that it was being left up to him. Aaron took them this far but he had to decide to take the final step.

Robert didn’t hesitate to turn the knob, gently opening the door as he stepped inside. He took their surroundings in, resisted the urge to poke around the room. He wanted to look at the pictures on his dresser, to ask questions about the boxing gloves that hung off the wardrobe door. He wanted to know if Aaron slept curled up on his side or spread out taking up every corner of his bed. 

Aaron’s arms slipped around his waist from behind, his chin resting over his shoulder. Robert felt a shrug, like it was just his bedroom and not the inner workings of the man himself. The man he was pretty sure he was halfway in love with already.

Robert turned in Aaron’s arms and leaned down to kiss the corner of his mouth. They slowly undressed each other, something he’d never done while bathed in sunlight. They didn’t rush, long caresses and unhurried kisses. When Robert finally had Aaron beneath him he was determined to take his fill.

He learned the dips of Aaron’s collarbones and the taste of the skin on his chest. He found a ticklish spot with his tongue against Aaron’s ribs, used his teeth to tease the line of his hip. He ran his nose along the inside of his thigh, looked into those blue eyes when he finally gave Aaron his mouth.

He learned quickly what Aaron wanted, hands digging into his hair, a thumb pressed to his cheek. He kept it slow, savoured the way Aaron moved, the restraint in every muscle as he fought for control. 

Aaron reached for him, demanded a kiss as he made a home for Robert, legs raised to cradle. There was sweat on his brow as they gasped against each other’s lips, the friction as perfect as everything else they created together. 

It built slowly, curled up the base of Robert’s spine and low in his belly. He watched mesmerized when Aaron bared his throat, head thrown back on the pillow as his fingernails dug into Robert’s back. They weren’t the only thing that left a mark when he followed Aaron to the other side.

* * *

Robert woke up in increments, the world coming back to him after the most incredible dream. His muscles felt gloriously sore, he stretched slightly and let a sigh escape. He opened his eyes to the last of the sun streaming through the window bathing the room in a reddish pink hue. It took him a moment to register he wasn’t in his bed and that it wasn’t his window.

He turned his head slightly on the pillow and warmth flooded through him when he caught sight of Aaron spread out on his stomach, hands buried beneath his pillow. His face was turned towards Robert, lips tilted up and his brow relaxed in deep sleep.

It came back to him, the intensity of what they shared and the intimacy of afterwards. Aaron had cleaned them both up before he pulled back the covers and dragged Robert in with him. He remembered falling asleep as Aaron’s fingers had trailed down his side, a kiss pressed to the back of his neck.

Robert had the urge to return the favour and wake Aaron up with his lips and wandering hands. That could wait for now. This he wanted to enjoy, a quiet contentment before his mind would start to over analyze everything. 

This was it for him wasn’t it? It had to be. He’d envied his friends their relationships, imagined one day he’d find it for himself. Well maybe, but in a fragmented way. Robert hadn’t known what it could mean. He didn’t realize it would be this easy with the right person, that the words _making love_ actually stood for something. How could you go back from that? Once you had it how could you ever let it go?

Aaron had to feel the same way, it was all too much for Robert alone. He wouldn’t rush it, wouldn’t wreck this because of his eagerness. And he was eager, he’d found him and Robert was ready to follow Aaron wherever he led. 

Aaron moved then, shuffled closer in his sleep, suddenly restless as his face wrinkled into a frown. Robert expected him to wake up, and was ready with a small smile. Instead a hand found his waist, Aaron’s face suddenly pressed into his neck. Then the warm body went slack again having found the comfort it had been looking for. 

Robert refused to waste the moment. They could sleep a little longer. He curled his arms around Aaron and closed his eyes.

* * *

When Robert woke up it was dark and someone was raining kisses over his face. He laid there and enjoyed it, smiled when Aaron kissed the tip of his nose.

“I know you’re awake and I’m starving. Get up.” 

Robert opened his mouth to protest but hadn’t been quick enough. Aaron slipped out of bed, turning on the light that blinded him for a minute. When Robert’s vision came into focus Aaron had pulled on a pair of sweats and was digging in his dresser for something. He turned with some shorts and a shirt in his hands.

Robert couldn't look away from the bare chest before him, the evidence of the last few hours on display. He sat up and shuffled forward, reached out. Aaron met him halfway, watched Robert run his fingers over a small bruise forming on his shoulder.

“Sorry about that.” Robert kissed the mark not actually feeling the least bit apologetic.

“You don’t hear me complaining.” Aaron pointed to the clothes he’d dropped on Robert’s lap. “It’s too late to order anything in but I have a plan. Give me five minutes and then come downstairs.”

He was off like a shot and Robert flopped back on the bed. He just grinned at the ceiling for a moment before putting on the shorts and the soft worn shirt Aaron had left for him. He made his way to the door and shouted down the stairs.

“Bathroom?”

“End of the hall!”

He washed his hands and splashed some cold water on his face to clear his head. His hair was a mess and he tried to put it into some sort of order. He grinned when he saw the red stubble burn on the side of his neck.

He ventured to the stairs and figured Aaron had been given enough time. Robert wanted to kiss him again and he’d never been known for his patience. It was dark except for the light in the kitchen and a soft glow coming from what he assumed was the sitting room.

He stopped at the doorway and took the scene in. The sofa was at a weird angle, pillows and blankets strewn across the floor. There were sweating beer cans on a coffee table, packets of crisps piled beside the pastry box and that damn candle burning in the dark. The room smelled amazing already and Aaron’s back looked delicious in candlelight. 

“What’s all this?” Robert leaned against the door frame, enjoyed the way Aaron looked shyly at him as he turned. “Aaron Dingle, are you a romantic?”

That got him an eye roll. Now Robert had to kiss him so he walked over and did just that. He rubbed his hands up Aaron’s bare arms and whispered a sincere thank you. No one had ever done anything like this for him before, a midnight picnic on the floor seemed perfect.

Aaron kissed his cheek and tugged him down so they were both sitting on the mound of pillows.

“Well, I wanted you to have your chance to be a _bloody gentleman.”_ Aaron handed him a can before opening his own. He leaned back against the sofa, crossed his ankles and took a sip. Robert watched the movement with a feeling of wonder, unsure what to say. Everything felt perfect and still so overwhelming at the same time.

He looked around the room, took in the sparse decorations, the gaming controllers and system that cluttered up the TV stand. 

“Nice lad pad you have here.” Robert took a sip of his beer, thankful for the cold as he pressed it against his cheek. It was a warm evening and the candle gave off a lot of heat. So did Aaron.

“It does the trick. Adam’s a nightmare on the best days but he puts up with me.” Aaron handed Robert a pack of crisps, cocked his eyebrow in question. Robert nodded, of course they would be his favourite kind.

“Tell me about him. How’d you meet?” Aaron only spoke about Adam on the phone once or twice while Robert would ramble about his mates constantly. He wondered if Aaron had many friends, he didn’t seem the type to let a lot of people close.

“When I moved here. He works on his mum’s farm. He’s a good sort, he’s helped me through a lot. He’s more like a brother than anything else.” 

Robert thought about his brother Andy and how badly that had gone. It’d been a decade since they spoke, he was sure it would be even longer still.

“No siblings then?” Robert waited as Aaron chewed, found it endearing. How bad did you have it if you enjoyed watching them eat?

“I have a little sister somewhere, haven’t seen her since she was a baby. Her mum ran away from my dad. Can’t blame her for that.” Aaron sighed and stared into the candle flame. “I think about finding her sometimes. Then I think the longer she goes without knowing the kind of bastard our dad was the better she’ll turn out so I leave it be.”

The silence was mixed with the crinkling of crisp bags, the fizz of Aaron opening another can.

“What about you, any siblings?” 

Robert wanted to lie, he almost did but instead he settled for half truths.“An adopted brother, we don’t get on. And a younger sister. We aren’t close.” 

He waited for Aaron’s platitudes, the same ones most people offered. They didn’t understand some bridges could never be rebuilt or mended. Instead Aaron moved closer, dropped a kiss to Robert’s cotton covered shoulder.

“You’ve built a pretty amazing family from the sounds of it.”

Robert laughed, he knew he was lucky in a lot of ways. “Let’s see if you think that when they’re all in the same room together. No one is safe, not even me.”

He hoped the implication was clear. Robert wanted Aaron there in his life. He wanted him to get to know his mates, to be another face around the table. He could see him laughing at Clive’s stories and accepting hugs from Ruby. Robert was certain John and Aaron would get along the most, a quiet strength to them both. John usually sat watching his mates’ antics with a bemused grin on his face. Robert had no doubt he would be thankful for another person to suffer in silence with.

They sat there in the quiet for a little while as Aaron’s fingers played with the hem of the shorts Robert was wearing. He wondered momentarily if it would always be like this between them, the ease of their intimacy. Robert stopped trying to understand it, he just needed to figure out a way to hold onto it for as long as possible.

“So, can we open the box now?” Aaron sounded excited and Robert lost another little piece of himself.

* * *

In the end Robert did get to taste chocolate from Aaron’s mouth. The desserts were a bit of a melted mess but neither seemed to mind the sticky fingers. They finished their beer and Aaron blew out the candle. Robert insisted on cleaning up their empties before they went back to bed. They stood at the kitchen sink and washed the sugar off their hands side by side. 

This time Robert led Aaron up the stairs, pulled him under the covers and tucked them close together. They kissed lazily, neither wanting to do more than just hold on for a while. When Robert pulled away to yawn into the back of his hand Aaron snorted a laugh.

“Old man.” The affection in Aaron’s voice was obvious and Robert loathed the moment when they would have to let the world back in again. But it did gave him an idea.

“What are your plans tomorrow?” Robert felt Aaron shiver against his fingers as they stroked up his back. He tucked that information away to use to his advantage another time. “Well technically later today.”

“Hmm?” Aaron was already slipping away into sleep. His hands had snuck under the shirt Robert was still wearing, a calloused thumb stroked at his hip. He decided it could keep for now. Maybe he’d get to wake Aaron with kisses of his own, convince him to spend his days off it Whitby. In Robert’s bed.

“Go to sleep, we’ll talk in the morning.” 

Aaron’s response wasn’t more than a breathy sigh, his face gone soft and slack. Robert just held him a little longer and hoped Aaron would be up for his plan the next morning and everyday after that.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be last update for about a week as I have some days off from work and my brain would like to be a useless pile of mush for a while. Please accept this offering and forgive me for my absence. The fic and I thank you for being wonderful and sharing such sweet comments on the last chapter.


	10. Next To You

“Are you sure about this?” Aaron threw his backpack into the boot of the car and gave Robert a questioning look.

“I told you they’re on board, I checked.” Robert didn’t seem to think it was a big deal but it sure as hell felt like one.

Aaron had woken up to find his bed empty and the sound of somebody moving around downstairs. He was pretty certain Robert hadn’t done a runner but he may have rushed out of his room to confirm it. He found him pouring tea into two mugs and wearing clothes that hadn’t been on Aaron’s floor the night before. He was going to have to ask about that.

“Two sugars.” He took some satisfaction in seeing Robert spin quickly in surprise. 

“Only two?” Aaron felt a small thrill at the way the blonde sauntered over to him. “Are you sure? It might actually taste like tea then.”

_ Cheeky _ .

Aaron dodged Robert’s kiss but stayed in the arms that caged him against the counter. 

“Want to explain the wardrobe change?” 

The blush that crept up Robert’s neck could only be described as adorable. He backed away slowly, hands reaching for the mugs and avoiding eye contact.

“I might have packed a bag and had it in my car.”

“Oh really?” Aaron watched Robert add sugar to both their cups and enjoyed the simple domesticity of it.

“I had planned to get a room close by if things went well, that’s all.” 

Aaron believed him and decided to put the poor bloke out of his misery. He took the offered tea in one hand and snagged Robert’s chin with the other.

“I like this shirt. You look fit.” 

Robert smiled, leaned down to brush their lips together gently. 

“Come home with me.”

Aaron had laughed because there was no way Robert could have been serious. Except he had been, adamantly so. 

“Tonight’s kind of our group’s last hurrah together at Clive’s before Diane’s due date. You could come and tomorrow we could hit the beach. I’ll drive you back in the afternoon.” 

Aaron had concerns but Robert explained them all away. No, it wasn’t a hassle, he loved to drive. No, he didn’t have to worry about work, the joys of being your own boss. Yes, he was 100% certain that Aaron would not be intruding.

What else could he do but agree?

So he climbed into the passenger seat of Robert’s beauty of a car, and wondered if he’d ever be allowed a turn behind the wheel. They didn’t really talk on the drive, instead music filled the silence as Aaron watched the fields go by. 

He wondered if they were moving too fast. With Robert he was more comfortable than he could ever remember feeling with Ed. Last night felt like it happened to someone else, that all of this was just too damn good to be true.

Aaron wasn’t an affectionate person, a hug here, a playful shove there. With Robert it was so easy to reach out and touch, because he was there and Aaron just couldn’t help himself. He didn’t think he’d ever sat across a kitchen table with Ed just drinking their brews. Robert read the news out loud from his phone and brushed his socked feet against Aaron’s bare ones.

When Robert had to make a work call he told Aaron to get ready, dropping a kiss to the top of his head as he went to the living room. 

Touch had never been something Aaron had really been easy at accepting either, not after everything in his life. Yet whenever Robert was within reach he wanted to stretch out and offer himself up for the taking. It wasn’t about sex, though that had proved amazing. It was the ease of being together as if it was what they’d always done. Like somehow this was who Aaron had always been. But he had a real fear that this was only temporary, things like this just didn’t happen to him.

Robert changed gears, his hand reaching over to rest on Aaron’s thigh. It was so natural and easy, another thing that felt like they’d done it a thousand times already. Aaron looked out the window but not before sliding his hand over the top of Robert’s and curling his fingers. He’d hold on as long as he could.

* * *

Robert’s flat was the main floor of a conversion just a stone’s throw from the beach. He had a red painted door, a potted plant on his stoop and it all made Aaron feel like a kid in comparison. The inside just confirmed once again he was punching out of his league.

Everything was so neat and orderly. There was actual framed art on the walls that no doubt Robert had picked out with care. Jackets on hooks, not thrown over whatever chair they landed on. The sitting room opened up to a spacious kitchen, stools up against an island. A large sectional in front of an even larger TV. It all probably cost more than Aaron made in a year.

Robert tugged the bag out of his hands and smiled. “Bathroom is that way. I’m going to put this in the bedroom, feel free to snoop.” 

Aaron glanced around, making sure to rub his hands on his jeans. They were clean but he was certain he’d leave smudge marks on anything he touched. He noticed a little alcove and found where Robert worked, complete with a swanky computer and some other contraptions he didn’t really understand. On the shelves above the desk were a scattering of framed photos, all of them containing some arrangement of his mates. There was one face Aaron didn’t recognize but he assumed that was Jessica, Ruby’s partner. There were well worn books and even a battered action figure on display.

Something on Robert’s desk caught his eye, a green bowl made of fine blown glass. It appeared too delicate to breathe on. Inside was just a single shell, pristine in its place of honour. It had to have some sort of meaning and he desperately wanted to know what it was. He wanted to know everything.

Aaron heard Robert coming, turned just in time to catch that bright smile. 

“Must be nice to be your own boss.” Robert was so adult, an accomplished grown up. Once again Aaron worried where he would fit in this world of Robert’s or if he was fooling himself into thinking he ever could.

“It has its perks. For example I can spend the whole afternoon making out with this gorgeous bloke that I know.” 

“Dunno, John seems to have better taste than that.”

Robert’s laugh made some of the uncertainty Aaron felt drift away. It was too easy to let himself be drawn close, dragged into the living room and pulled down onto the sofa that was more comfortable than should be legal.

He decided to worry about the rest later.

* * *

Aaron was now officially bricking it as they made the 10 minute walk to Clive’s place. They were laden down with bags, one with three bottles of red wine with names he couldn’t pronounce and the others with mini quiches Aaron had watched Robert make earlier. From scratch no less.

They’d spent their afternoon just laying on the couch. When Robert had said  _ making out _ he’d meant just that, kissing solely for the sake of it. Aaron was surprised when it didn’t lead anywhere and even more so when he realized that he didn’t mind at all. It was just another thing that he’d never experienced before, lazy kisses that would heat up and then slow down. Hands that slid under shirts, fingers never doing more than teasing above the waist

It might have been the hottest thing Aaron had ever experienced.

When they finally separated it was because Robert had to make his part of the evening meal. Aaron watched him pull out a pile of ingredients from the fridge, all the while explaining that they did all their gatherings buffet style with finger foods and a lot of alcohol. It appeared it wasn’t expected for Aaron to help so he sat at the island and asked questions about the people they were going to spend the night with.

Clive was an accountant, which Aaron thought must be boring as hell but Robert said to not let his occupation fool him. Clive may have a head for numbers but also penchant for a good time and the ability to charm anyone. Diane was a primary teacher and John managed a kitchen at a high end seniors living center. They’d been together since college and Aaron could tell Robert envied their relationship. Ruby was just as he remembered her, caring and kind with a bit of a mouth on her. Her partner Jessica was an artist who’d done most of the pieces around Robert’s flat. He’d been warned she could appear closed off but she just took some time to warm up to strangers. 

“But once you get to know her she’s truly the best.” Robert said it like it was no big deal, like he wasn’t surrounded by these people that had their lives figured out. Like they weren’t the exact opposite of Aaron in every way.

But now he was here and there was no turning back. Robert brushed a quick kiss to Aaron’s mouth and walked through Clive’s front door without so much as a knock. He had no choice but to follow, a little overwhelmed by the voices he could already hear from inside. The next thing he knew the bags were taken from him as Diane pressed her lips to his cheek and John shoved a beer in his hand with a friendly pat on the shoulder.

Clive came out of the kitchen with a glass of red wine that he handed to Robert before giving Aaron a mischievous grin. 

“While I lament the fact that you are not here as my date it is very nice to see you again. My home is your home.” He graced Aaron with a wink as he dodged Robert’s swat that barely missed his head.

Aaron had no time to take in his surroundings when the door opened and once again people were hugging and pressing their cheeks together. Ruby squealed in delight when she spotted him, wrapping him in her arms along with the comforting smell of citrus and cloves. 

“It’s so good to see you.” She patted his cheek and turned to the woman that he knew had to be Jessica. Her dark hair was cut in a severe style, a bright red stain on her lips and sharp brown eyes he would bet didn’t miss a damn thing. She looked blankly at Aaron as he took her in. “This is the love of my life Jess. Sweetheart, this is Aaron.”

Jessica smirked and made no attempt at hiding the fact that she was inspecting him. It was obvious she was judging whether Aaron was worthy or not but he couldn’t tell which way it had gone. Thankfully Robert appeared, his arm firm around Aaron’s shoulders and a set to his chin that clearly said  _ be nice. _

“Food’s on my brethren!” Clive was already filling his plate and for a moment it was just Aaron and Robert in the sitting room.

“Okay?” Robert held his gaze and blocked out the chaos of everything around them. He beamed when Aaron offered his most sincere smile. He let Robert push him towards the table laden with a lot of delicious smelling food.

Eventually they ended up scattered around. It was clear everyone was comfortable in Clive’s space and they all had their places in it. Aaron was beside Robert on some sort of plushy high backed bench while Clive sat in an expensive lounge chair. Diane was curled into John on the sofa, her feet tucked under Jessica’s thigh. Ruby sat cross legged on the floor in front of them.

They were a collective unit but everyone made a point of including him. Someone would drop an inside joke and then take the time to share the story behind it. Aaron found himself laughing along with them all, the knot in his stomach slowly unwinding. He caught Jessica staring at him a few times with her unreadable expression but he tried not to let that get to him too much. In a way he probably understood her best of all. She was protective of those she loved and he respected that.

When the food was done Clive collected everyone’s plates while Ruby refilled glasses. Aaron appeared to be the only one not drinking wine, except for Diane who moaned about all the fizzy water she’d consumed throughout her pregnancy.

“I swear someone better show up at the hospital after this one is born with a bottle of red in their hand.” Aaron laughed when John looked at him and rolled his eyes, his face going completely stoic when his wife glanced up at him with a raised eyebrow.

Robert didn’t say too much, occasionally adding an anecdote or explaining a story to Aaron. He seemed relaxed with his arm around the back of the bench, every so often nudging their thighs together. Even without being told Robert seemed to get that Aaron wasn’t entirely comfortable with public displays of affection. Yet he still made sure Aaron knew he was there beside him. To be fair he was almost certain he would always be aware of Robert and how close he was.

There was a nice lull for a bit, everyone content and Clive playing some classical music low over his expensive sound system. It wasn’t Aaron’s normal taste but it seemed to fit somehow. He had almost started to think he had this whole night mastered until Ruby sat up straight and grinned mischievously at him.

“So Aaron, what’s your House?”

A collective groan went around the room and for the first time Aaron felt well and truly lost.

“My House? Do you mean where do I live?” 

Ruby gasped, John pinched the bridge of his nose and for the first time Jessica looked like she actually might like him a little.

“No. Your Hogwarts House. From Harry Potter.” Ruby gave him a pointed look. “Surely you know about Harry Potter.”

He did, everyone did. He hadn’t read the books but he’d seen all the movies. Or most of them at least. 

“Well...yeah.”

“See, we have the underestimated Hufflepuffs.” Ruby offered up her fist that Diane tapped in solidarity. “The smug Ravenclaws.” Aaron watched John tip his glass to Robert who raised his proudly. “And the ever devious Slytherins.” Clive winked at Jessica who offered a sly smile in reply. “So what’s yours?”

Aaron knew he was going to regret his response before he even opened his mouth.

“I have no idea.”

“Oh my God, okay hold on.” Ruby was instantly on her phone tapping away. “You have to take this test. It has all the questions from Pottermore so it gives a more accurate result.”

Aaron had no idea what that meant but it seemed he would find out soon enough.

“Don’t worry, there isn’t a wrong answer.” Robert squeezed his shoulder but didn’t offer any other help.

Ruby stretched her phone out for Aaron to take, which he did reluctantly. He looked down at the screen and back up at the room of faces watching him.

“My money’s on Gryffindor.” John spoke for the first time in a while as he gave Aaron an ironic thumbs up.

“I don’t know, you were so nice when he helped us. That’s a clear Hufflepuff trait.” Diane seemed deep in thought about it. “Then again you did come to our rescue, so maybe a Gryffindor.”

“Come to the dark side Aaron, it’s more fun here.” Clive made the whole room laugh while Aaron just stared down at the screen.

Robert leaned close and whispered in Aaron’s ear. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.” 

“It’s okay.” He decided it was best just to get it out of the way. It was Ruby after all, he just hoped the answer wouldn’t disappoint her.

Aaron blocked everyone out, thankful the test was multiple choice. He just went for whatever his gut told him. He didn’t want to put too much into it or worry he’d get it wrong. He answered the final question, surprised when the results came up. He hadn’t expected that but he remembered enough from the movies to know what it meant.

He reached out to hand the phone back to Ruby, gave her a half smile as she grabbed it in excitement. She giggled and even gave a happy shimmy as she smiled down at the screen. She held her hands up to silence the room.

“Our group is finally well rounded.” She gazed directly at Robert with soft eyes as she said it. Aaron watched something pass between them, their affection for each other even more clear. “We have ourselves a Gryffindor.”

* * *

Saying their goodbyes was a lot less hectic than Aaron expected. They were the first to leave, no doubt so the rest of the group could discuss them once they were gone. Diane and Ruby insisted on hugging him. Jessica genuinely smiled at him, which kind of stunned Aaron to his core. John shook his hand, told him he hoped to see him again soon. Clive wrapped an arm around his shoulders and declared if things didn’t work out with Robert to give him a call.

Aaron was about 80% sure he wasn’t being serious.

Out on the street Robert hooked their fingers together, unusually quiet with a serious expression on his face. Aaron feared it hadn’t gone as well as he’d originally thought. He knew people didn’t usually warm up to him right away, he was the kind of bloke you had to get to know. That was if he even let you get that far. Maybe they’d all just been polite. He knew Ruby was on his side, probably Diane and John as well. He didn’t think Jessica would ever like him.

When they rounded a corner Aaron was pulled from his thoughts by hands grabbing his face. When Robert captured his lips in a heated kiss all he could do was hang on. It caught him so off guard he would have lost his balance if he hadn’t been held so tightly. 

When it was over Robert nudged their noses together while Aaron just tried to catch his breath. “Thank you.” 

“For what?” Aaron resisted the urge to push his cheek into the warm palm against it. When had he become so damn soft?

“For being you. They really like you, even Jessica.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

Robert laughed, this time when he took Aaron’s hand he locked their fingers together tightly.

“Well I am.”

Aaron didn’t know what to say. He was relieved he hadn’t messed it up. He genuinely liked them all but more importantly he knew how important they were to Robert. They were a huge portion of his life and if they didn’t think Aaron was good enough then the two of them had no hope of lasting. 

_ How much more time have you bought yourself? _

He couldn’t get the thought out of his mind. Not when Robert pulled him close in his entrance way as he kicked his front door closed. Not when Robert kissed him against the wall, stopping only to tug Aaron’s shirt over his head. It wasn’t until Robert dropped to his knees, deft hands undoing Aaron’s belt would his mind remember that he had this now and he shouldn’t waste it. He reached down to rub his thumb against Robert’s lips, a groan escaped when it was sucked into a warm mouth, a preview of what was to come. 

Then Robert looked up at him, eyes heated but also filled with so much emotion it made Aaron’s heart stutter. They were once again in that place he lived for, where no one else in the world mattered except the two of them. Aaron gave in and allowed himself to believe it was true, at least for a little while longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the fic told me I wasn't allowed any time off. We compromised, I write this chapter and it'll leave me alone for a few days. Hopefully. So surprise?
> 
> Also do not come at me in regards to the HP Houses for our boys. I said what I said and I stand by it. 
> 
> I SAID WHAT I SAID. 
> 
> You remain my favourite of the humans.


	11. On Any Other Day

Robert woke up with the cold air of the window in his face and a glorious heat wrapped around his back. He blinked himself awake, the splatter of rain against the window bringing him back to reality. The sky was grey, and he realized then there would be no beach from him and Aaron today.

It shouldn’t make him as happy as it did but he couldn’t feel guilt over it. Last time he had woken up in Aaron’s arms he’d busied himself, sliding out of bed and telling himself it wasn’t because he was scared. That had been a lie. He feared that Aaron would have a change of heart or he’d regret everything. Robert didn’t allow himself to analyze the feeling, thinking about the why wouldn’t change anything. So he’d kept busy, gotten ready, made tea and sighed in relief when he’d seen Aaron’s smiling face.

Now Aaron had come home with him and in his own space he couldn’t bring himself to feel anything but content. This time he was going to watch those blue eyes open and hopefully see how he felt reflected back at him.

That, however, required moving and Aaron was pressed so tightly to him he was essentially trapped. Robert was pretty sure that word had never made him smile before, let alone to the point where his cheeks hurt.

He laid there a little longer, debated falling back asleep when the fingers on his waist rubbed against his skin in a small circle. The soft lips against his neck told him Aaron was awake, the gentle roll of hips against his said something else.

“Good morning.” God, he loved the huskiness of Aaron’s voice. Robert moaned when he felt the hard length that pressed against his ass. His breath caught when Aaron’s hand palmed him through his boxer briefs. Why had he bothered putting those on last night?

Robert wanted to turn over, wanted to touch. The desire to kiss him overwhelmed him but it was impossible. Aaron had locked their tangled legs tight together. Robert couldn’t do more than fist one hand in the sheets and grab Aaron’s forearm with the other. Lips grazed against his shoulder, fingers finally slid under the offending cotton and the sound ripped from Robert’s throat was almost embarrassing. Aaron whispered soft praises against his skin but he couldn’t make them out. The pounding of his heart was all he could hear, occasionally drowned out by his own unintelligible words.

“Aaron...please…” He was close, could taste it on his tongue, felt it in the strain of his thighs. When Aaron twisted just right Robert’s hips stuttered. He hated that he couldn’t thrust deep into Aaron’s hand, that he wasn’t allowed to kiss that mouth, the one that was insistent on sending him over the edge.

“You have no idea how amazing you look like this.” Aaron’s hand slowed for a moment, long enough for the swell to subside. Robert whimpered, dug his fingers into the muscle of Aaron’s arm. “Shh...I’ve got you.”

In a flash Aaron sped up, his calloused fingers squeezing him just the right side of too much. Robert couldn’t keep up, swept along as his body pushed back, his skin craving to touch any part of Aaron it was allowed. A bite to his skin and his orgasm pushed out of him, catching him completely off guard. He couldn’t do more than try to get air in his lungs and ride out the near painful intensity of it all. 

When he could breathe again the fingers running across his chest made him shiver, tiny aftershocks that sent electricity up his spine. Aaron’s nose rubbed against his neck and soothed him.

Finally he was just dead weight. His limbs were free but Robert still felt trapped, like being suspended in honey. He didn’t have the energy to move.

He felt Aaron’s affectionate chuckle against his ear. “Did I wear you out old man?”

Robert wanted to say something witty, how he had stamina for days. The best he could muster was a nonsensical grunt, plotting his revenge as his body gave in to sleep.

* * *

This time when Robert woke up his head was on a solid chest, fingers absentmindedly running through his hair. He tilted his eyes up to see Aaron holding his phone, reading something with a smile on his face.

Robert stretched up to give Aaron a quick kiss, “Good morning.”

He couldn't help the burst of happiness when Aaron immediately dropped his mobile and turned so they were face to face, buried once again beneath the blankets.

“Was I asleep long?” 

“Just long enough.” Aaron’s eyes were twinkling and more alert than they had any right to be.

“So what do you want to do today, the beach is out.” Robert would be happy if they just did this, curled up together while the rain poured outside. “Whatever you want.”

Aaron sighed, that frown line between his eyes making an unwelcome appearance.

“We should probably head back to Emmerdale. I have a family thing tonight and traffic is going to be shit in this weather.” 

Robert groaned, “At least let me make you breakfast.” 

“You mean lunch, it’s almost noon.”

“What?” Robert looked over at his alarm clock, annoyed at himself for wasting what little time they’d had for the day. “Why did you let me sleep so long?”

“I figured you needed it.” Aaron laughed at Robert’s responding pout. “Come on, you can make it up to me in the shower.”

* * *

They spent too long under the spray of water. Robert only had Aaron naked for a little while longer and he wasn’t about to waste it. By the time they actually got clean and dressed it made the most sense to grab something to eat on the road. He’d have to dazzle Aaron with his cooking next time.

But this was nice too. As he drove they kept the music low, Aaron handed him greasy chips from the bag on his lap. The chips were okay, the coffee was horrible but the conversation made up for all that.

Aaron told Robert about his family,  _ the Dingles. _ He wasn’t entirely sure the stories could be true and if they were then...well it would make meeting the family interesting then wouldn’t it? The idea made him smile. Aaron had met his family already, it only seemed fair and Robert couldn’t wait.

“I hope your mum doesn't smack me the next time I see her after I tore out of Emmerdale like that.” Robert grinned over at the passenger seat and clocked Aaron’s blank face. Even with the windows open the air in the car got thick.

“About that…” Aaron cleared his throat and Robert knew he must have pushed too much. Okay, he’d back track. No harm done. They’d get there right?

_ Right? _

“Aaron, you don’t have to…” 

“No, just…” Aaron moved to put his hand on Robert’s thigh and then stopped himself. “Dammit, I have grease all over my fingers.”

Robert really didn’t care but he also wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what he was about to hear. Instead he watched Aaron dig in the paper bag for a clean napkin, giving up and just wiping them on his own jeans instead.

Yet instead of touching Robert, something he realized he desperately needed at that moment, Aaron turned his body as much as he could. Maybe they shouldn’t have this conversation while he was speeding down the motorway. Death by car crash caused by heartbreak wasn’t the way he wanted to go. Though the option of living with said heartbreak didn’t hold much appeal either.

“So, no one knows about us.” Aaron sounded sad and Robert didn’t like that, not one bit. 

“Right.” He didn’t know what to say to that, he didn’t know what he should say to that.

“It’s not because I don’t want people to know. This has all just happened so fast.”

“Too fast?”

“No.” Aaron finally put his hand on Robert’s thigh, that mixed with his answer made him breath a little bit easier. “Do you think it’s too fast?” 

Robert covered Aaron’s hand with his own and squeezed. “Not at all.” He looked away from the road, Aaron’s small smile like a gut punch in the best way.

“Okay. But the thing is I can’t share us with my mum unless I tell her everything.” Aaron took a deep breath. “And I don’t know if I’m ready to do that or at least I just haven’t figured out how.”

“You know I’m fine with keeping up the story…” Robert would give him anything, whatever it was.

“I don’t want to lie. Not about you, not now.” Aaron sounded so resolute that if they hadn’t been going so fast he would have pulled over just so Robert could wrap his arms around him. “But I will, and soon. I just need a few days to wrap my head around it.”

“Okay.” Robert squeezed his hand again before changing lanes, their exit coming up.

“You sure?” Aaron was clearly surprised but he shouldn’t be. Robert still couldn’t believe he didn’t get it yet. But he would, Robert would prove it.

“Whatever you need.” And he meant it. “But you’re going to gush about me to Adam though right? Like full on sleepover where you tell him how dreamy I am?”

“Fuck off.” Aaron’s words had no heat and if Robert had to guess he sounded embarrassed. He couldn’t resist that.

“Do you have a notebook with our initials in hearts? Aaron Sugden does have a nice…” A hand clamped over his mouth stopped him mid sentence but laughter from beside him was worth it. Aaron must have felt the smile against his palm, removing it but not before be brushed his fingers down Robert’s cheek. It made his heart squeeze once more.

“Careful what you wish for. Adam’s got a new bird, he’ll want to double date or something.” 

Robert wasn’t opposed to the idea, he knew Adam was someone he’d have to get on side. Aaron didn’t have many people but those he did mattered. Robert would make sure he’d never been more charming in his entire life.

“What’s she like?” He wasn’t exactly fishing for information to help his cause. Except he was.

“Who?”

“Adam’s girlfriend.”

“Dunno. Never met her. They’ve been loved up for over a month now. For Adam that’s no small feat. He seems right smitten. Can’t wait for me to meet her though, won’t stop bringing it up.”

“That’s nice.” Robert got it, he knew where Adam was coming from. He understood when you wanted to show off someone like he’d wanted to show off Aaron. Like he wanted to keep showing off Aaron.

Aaron turned his hand over under Robert’s and locked their fingers together. “Yeah, it is.”

* * *

They were parked at the back of Aaron’s house out of view. He lived across from his mother’s pub and Robert understood why Aaron didn’t want to be seen getting out with an overnight bag. It made even more sense when as soon as they stopped Aaron had his hands on Robert and kissed him like his life depended on it.

They both forgot where they were because Robert was one flick of his wrist away from reaching for Aaron’s zipper when the beep of his phone shocked them both. 

Aaron pulled back, but not before he pressed their foreheads together for a second and took a deep breath. Robert could admit he swooned. He instantly missed Aaron and he still was sitting right there.

“Great. Adam is abandoning me to the wolves tonight because his girl is making him dinner.” Aaron sounded annoyed but he was still grinning at his phone. “But she seems nice.”

He held up his mobile so Robert could see the picture and his heart stopped. It was a close up, a bloke who he assumed was Adam looking up at the camera, snuggled close to a woman standing in front of a stove. She had her head turned, wooden spoon in her hand and a big smile on her face. He knew that smile, he’d grown up living for the exact same one until it had been taken from him. 

His sister had their mother’s smile.

* * *

Robert had been amazed at his own ability to lie, like slipping into an old jumper. It wasn’t comfortable, he didn’t like how it felt on his body but it came natural just the same.

He plastered a smile on his face, pretended that seeing Victoria snuggled up with Aaron’s best mate hadn’t just thrown him. Accepted another soft kiss and whispered  _ okay _ when Aaron said he’d text Robert later.

He made it all the way out of the village before he started slamming his hands on the steering wheel. 

Why of all the women in the world did it have to be his bloody sister? 

He spent the rest of his drive back to Whitby trying to think of a way to spin this but he kept coming up short. Vic and him weren’t close, birthday cards and phone calls at Christmas. He hadn’t even seen her in two years, the last visit an awkward lunch that he’d barely made it through. She tried, but she was also unsure around him. She knew his past, knew the messed up stuff he’d done when he’d been young. No doubt his father and brother had made sure she was aware what a bastard he’d been. How everything had always been Robert’s fault.

_ You’re not that guy anymore. _

He wasn’t. Aaron would believe that wouldn’t he? If anyone could it would be him.

The thought rolled around and around in his mind until he was home, sitting in the dark drinking whisky and unable to find the right answer.

Aaron would understand, he’d get it. Maybe? Hopefully? But his mates didn’t even know about his past. When he’d come to Whitby he’d left that behind, left that Robert behind. They knew about his family in a roundabout way. They didn’t press him when he got word his father had died. They’d never even questioned why he didn’t go to the funeral, just got him drunk out of his mind and put him to bed. They never asked and he never wanted to share. Diane made her feelings about Victoria clear, on his side when she didn’t even know what that actually meant.

They were the ones who made sure he wasn’t alone on holidays. They were the ones who got him through dark days. They were his family and he couldn’t do anything to jeopardize that. Ruby and Jessica, with their mixture of comfort and tough love who made him a cake every year on his birthday. Clive with his sarcastic wit and devious plots that were harmless but made him think he was a mastermind. He wore boring suits to the office and then velvet blazers to a night on the town. Diane and John were expecting a baby, a person they made clear they wanted him to help raise. They were already calling him Uncle Robert for Christ’s sake.

He couldn’t lose them and he would. He knew he would. No one had ever chosen Robert before, not when they had all the facts. 

So there was a choice and he didn’t think he’d survive either one. But was there even really an option? Once Aaron knew about his past he’d walk away and then Robert would lose everything and everyone he loved.

He swallowed the last of his glass and let himself believe the burn was the reason for the tears in his eyes. He was pouring himself another when his phone lit up the darkness and he knew before picking it up who it would be. 

**Will you bond me out if I kill my whole family or would you prefer to be an alibi?**

Robert’s lips twitched and he wished he’d held Aaron longer when they’d parted today. He wished he hadn’t brought him back to Emmerdale. They could have stayed in their bubble, blocked out everything else. Robert wouldn’t be sitting with the decision he’d just made and hating himself for it. He’d be happy and content, he’d have what he knew he didn’t deserve.

He dropped his phone back on the table and leaned back on the sofa, stared into the night. Was he really going to do this? Just a few hours ago he would have bled to hold onto Aaron and now he had to let him go. He had to because losing him would hurt but losing everything would crush him. He’d done it before, he knew he couldn’t do it again.

He thought about the night before, how perfect it had been. He’d had Aaron by his side, the people he loved around him. He was happy and they were happy for him. They liked Aaron, that much was obvious but even more they liked him  _ for _ Robert. 

He thought about that morning, beat himself up for falling asleep when he could have had Aaron one more time. Could have felt the weight of him and the expanse of his shoulders underneath his fingertips. He would have let Aaron burn him everywhere, with his scruff and his touch. He would have seared it into his memory. Robert rubbed at his thigh and the ghost of Aaron’s hand he still felt there. 

He stayed in the dark, drank just enough to make what he was about to do bearable. He tried to find another way, spun it over and over again in his mind. He finally got up, stumbled his way to his bedroom and turned on the light. His bed was still a mess, the pillow where Aaron had lain still had the impression of him. He ran his fingers over it, resisted the urge to pick it up and hold it. See if it still smelled like Aaron, like them.

Instead he stripped the bed furiously. He didn’t deserve Aaron and he didn’t deserve the memory of him. He didn’t deserve any of it. He shoved everything into his machine, poured in too much soap and set the water as hot as it would go. 

He then went back to the living room, stared at his phone beside his half full tumbler. The amber liquid mocked him. He picked it up and threw it at the wall, almost laughed as it shattered. What was one more thing to add to the list of Robert’s mistakes? What was one more thing he’d broken beyond repair?

He snagged his phone and walked back to his bedroom. He sank to the floor and stared at his bed. He was about to break his own heart and he would have to live with that. It was Aaron’s heart he knew he’d never be able to forgive himself for. 

He’d be better off. Aaron was strong and funny, bloody kind and beautiful. He’d find someone else. Someone better. Someone who wouldn’t let him down. Robert had wanted to be that man but he’d known deep down he couldn’t be. He’d just hoped that he’d at least get to try.

He hit the button, barely two rings before Aaron’s voice came through.

“Hey.” It was wistful and fond. Robert felt the tears in his eyes again. He’d learned a long time ago that the right thing was usually the most painful.

“Robert?”

He took a deep breath and squeezed his hand tightly into his leg. He loathed this, hated his past and everything it kept taking from him. More than anything he hated himself and the words that came out of his mouth.

“Aaron, we need to talk.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really didn't edit this one because I am lazy. I admit my laziness and the fic accepts me as I am. Hope you enjoy!


	12. Fall Out

_I think maybe this is moving too fast._

Aaron felt the sweat dripping down his neck, his shirt wet and stuck to his lower back. It made his skin itch. He ignored it and kept pushing.

_With work and John and Diane’s baby coming I have a lot on._

Aaron’s calves were on fire, he was long past the point where he should have turned back.

_It’s nothing you did._

Aaron felt a painful cramp in his side, and had to stop to catch his breath. He leaned against a tree just off the path as he attempted to stretch out the insistent throbbing pain. He lifted his shirt to wipe the wet from his brow and face. He glanced up the trail, he needed to get back if he was going to make it home before dark. If he was lucky he’d actually get some sleep tonight.

_Promise me you’ll take care of yourself_

Aaron turned up his music, the beat like a pulse in his ears that drowned everything else out. Even as his limbs protested and screamed at him to stop he went full tilt off the way he’d come. He’d pay for it tomorrow, but Aaron always ended up paying didn’t he? One way or another anyway.

He thought about a vanilla scented candle he’d shoved into a kitchen cupboard that morning. The one that smelt of cinnamon and promises that never broke. The one he’d been unable to look at but couldn’t bring himself to throw away. He thought about freckled skin and interlocked fingers, the weight of Robert’s hand in his. He thought about breathless laughter and kisses that tasted of beer and chocolate.

He kept going, pushed himself harder still. He had no one to blame but himself and he’d promised Robert fuck all.

* * *

Aaron didn’t understand, hadn’t been able to comprehend what Robert had been saying to him on the phone. Hours earlier it had been so good between them, almost too good to be true. And he’d been happy. He’d gone to his stupid family dinner, smiled and joked. He’d even caught his Mum smiling proudly at him and for a moment he’d felt worthy of it.

He’d come so close to blowing it all to smithereens. Aaron couldn’t believe he’d been willing to tell his mum everything because of Robert. He’d spent years protecting her, it was the only thing he’d ever succeeded in. And what? Some fantastic sex and fake romance was all it had taken for him to almost throw that out the window.

He’d allowed himself to imagine, he’d fallen into that bubble of make believe. He’d known better, or at least he should have. 

As soon as Aaron had answered the phone he’d known something was wrong. His first thought had been Diane and John’s baby. Wasn’t that something? He honestly hadn’t even crossed his mind that there was something wrong with _them_. Even as Robert dropped the hammer Aaron still didn’t take in the words. They’d been so cliche, Robert and his reasons stacking up on top of each other.

Aaron didn’t say much, if he remembered correctly he hadn’t said anything at all. Robert filled the silence with his excuses. If Aaron had to guess the jackass was drunk. He’d probably had to work himself up to pick up the phone in the first place. He was probably afraid poor sad damaged Aaron Dingle would do something stupid if he wasn’t let down gently.

Aaron wouldn’t be jumping off a pier for anyone ever again, least of all for the likes of Robert Sugden.

_Are you okay?_

That was the last thing Robert had said before Aaron ended the call. He’d let his phone slip from his fingers onto his bed, pressed his palms hard into his eyes. He refused to cry and so far he’d held strong. Tears didn’t get you anywhere, another lesson he’d learned the hard way.

He refused to think about it, stayed up all night staring at his ceiling. He was numb, his mind blank but still sleep didn’t come. He’d gone to work early, got more done before Cain was in than he usually did in a single shift. Thankfully there were no call outs, Aaron wouldn’t have been able to stomach strangers. 

That first day he was exhausted after no rest and working hard so that he didn’t have the energy to think. A text from Adam said he’d be spending another night with Vic. At least one of them was able to keep someone interested.

The house was quiet, the kind that made your ears ring and your mind buzz. He debated getting completely bladdered, drinking cans until he blacked out on the sofa. But that would be pathetic and Aaron was many things but he sure as hell wasn’t that. He refused to wallow. Instead he changed his coveralls for running gear and set out to clear his head.

He ran so hard that he barely had enough in him to shower before he crawled into bed and passed out. So he did it the next day and the next. Get up, work, run, shower and then sleep. Occasionally he ate but nothing that took longer than 10 minutes in the microwave. He knew he was avoiding because every time the thought of Robert popped into his head he got busy. He ran, he worked, the house continued to be spotless. Not that anyone enjoyed it, Adam was nothing more than words on a mobile screen. He’d all but shacked up with this Vic gal of his and Aaron refused to be jealous of him.

He kept going, forward was the only option. Pretending he’d never met Robert Sugden and his beautifully soft and treacherous mouth was getting easier and easier with every passing minute. 

Aaron had always been exceptionally good at lying to himself.

He’d almost made it five whole days before it all came crashing down around him.

* * *

On his lunch break that Cain insisted Aaron take, which was a new and suspicious development, the first crack appeared. Aaron had assumed his uncle was afraid he would actually want to be paid for all the extra hours he was working. At this point he’d have shelled out cash for the continued distraction. He bought a bag of crisps and a bottle of water at the market, found a patch of shade under a tree behind the pub and pulled out his phone. 

He had a text from his mum asking him how he was, which he didn’t bother responding to. He’d get to the pub eventually and put her mind at ease. A message from Adam saying he’d be home that evening so they should have a lads night. Aaron wasn’t sure he could bear listening to his love sick mate without copious amounts of alcohol and made a mental note to stock up on his way home.

He checked his email and his heart sped up when he saw a new one from Reverend Miller. Aaron almost didn’t open it, filled with the overwhelming urge to delete it and every memory of Whitby along with it. Robert had tainted it all, every grain of sand and every whiff of salt air.

But that would mean admitting Robert had meant something, which he didn’t. Which he couldn’t. Because they were supposed to mean something to each other, and Aaron wasn’t going to be the only one holding up his end of that bargain. 

_Fuck you, Sugden._

Defiantly Aaron opened the email, the rage slowly melting as he read how much the teens at the center had enjoyed his visit. They were still talking about it and hoped he would be willing to come back. They were hoping he might like to be involved in mentoring some of the LGBTQ youth if he was willing. They could go over the details whenever Aaron was available.

He found himself replying yes despite his misgivings. What the hell did he know about helping anyone? At least someone thought he was useful and that had to count for something. At least for a little while. He didn’t think about what that would mean, going back to Whitby. The possibility of seeing Robert on the street or even one of his mates. Life would be just that cruel. Aaron shoved that thought away, another thing he would deal with when he had to.

Instead he downed the last of his water and threw out his half finished crisps bag. He banged into the garage, grunted at Cain and got back to work. 

By quitting time Aaron was on edge, he knew it. He had to keep it together. He just needed to keep going and it would all work itself out of his system. Instead he focused on getting home, getting his gear on and running until he couldn’t feel his legs anymore or the ache in his head.

He tripped over Adam’s work boots in the entryway, spitting fire under his breath. His mate hadn’t been home for a week and suddenly he was making a bloody mess, dirty dishes on the counter and music blaring from the sitting room.

Later Aaron would feel nothing but guilt about what came next, he’d regret it like he did every other bloody thing he’d done in his life. But he didn’t know that then.

All he knew was when Adam rounded the corner, a smirk on his face and Robert’s bloody candle in his hand Aaron had seen red.

“I found this with the plates, are we respectable folk now?” Adam barely had the chance to finish the words before Aaron grabbed it from his hand and threw it full force at the wall. It shattered glass all over the floor as chunks of wax went flying.

He pushed passed his friend, tried to storm up the stairs when a hand on his arm had him rounding with his fist raised and ready to strike. Adam dodged it, eyes wide and confused.

“The fuck, Aaron?!” Hands against his chest pushed him against the wall. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

Aaron couldn’t stop it, the tears began to fall. He opened his mouth but no words came out, all he had to give was a choked sob that stole the air from his lungs. Thankfully Adam’s arms were around him and holding him up when finally Aaron gave up pretending.

* * *

He hadn’t cried long but he still felt pathetic with every single tear. Adam sent him to shower, the frown on his face added to the weight Aaron had piled on his shoulder. When he came back downstairs a short while later, feeling a little better after standing under the cold water and changing into shorts and his most ragged tee. He’d planned to apologize and clean up the mess he’d made of both the kitchen and his friendship.

He wasn’t surprised however to see all evidence of his anger gone or Adam sitting in a chair with a beer in his hand. There was one placed on the table across from him, where no doubt Aaron was expected to sit and explain. He didn’t want to, he wanted to go back to weeks ago when everything had been locked tight and he’d been _fine._ But he couldn’t do that and he owed Adam a lot, and not just because he hadn’t knocked Aaron for six when he’d swung for him.

So he pulled out the chair, leaned on the kitchen table and told Adam everything. He started with the phone call at the pub, Robert showing up. Adam let out a little chuckle when he heard Aaron pretended to be Cain. It made Aaron smile for the first time in days. He told him about the Reverend and Whitby, ignoring the sharp intake of Adams' breath when he realized what Aaron had attempted as a scared kid. 

Then he told him of his absolution at the hands of a great man, that night on the beach that had washed the rest of it clean. Of Diane and John, Ruby and a bizarre but still perfect non-date. The text messages and the weekend that may have been the best of Aaron’s life. How Robert had taken him to meet his mates, his family really and how he’d ended it just as quickly as it began.

Adam listened intently, it was unlike him to not interrupt or make a joke to lighten the mood. A couple times he reached his hand across the table to offer comfort but seemed to know touch wasn’t what Aaron needed or wanted so he pulled back. When Aaron was finished with his beer and his sad tale he finally forced himself to look Adam in the eye. He offered a small smirk, tried to show that yes he was a mess but he was still Aaron. He needed Adam to still see him as he always had.

Adam shook his head, stood up from the table and for a moment Aaron felt lost. That was until Adam hauled him out of his chair and pulled him into a fierce hug. He had no choice but to hug him back.

“Adam…”

“I love you, you bloody idiot.” Adam squeezed him tighter. “Don’t you ever go through shit like that again on your own.”

“Ads, I’m okay.”

“You’re not but you will be. I promise.”

Aaron held on tighter.

* * *

Eventually they made their way to the sofa, the ease of their friendship back like nothing had happened. They drank their cans and Adam started to ask questions. Aaron answered them the best he could.

“I knew there was something up with Whitby.” Adam took another swig of his beer. “I just thought you’d found a good shag out there.”

He wiggled his eyebrows and Aaron had to laugh, he wasn’t entirely wrong.

“But this bloke is clearly into mind games. You’re good to be rid of him.”

Aaron wasn’t so sure about that

“I think Robert Sugden would probably say the same thing about me.” Aaron sighed and flopped his head on the back of the sofa. He was suddenly exhausted, the wear of everything crashing down around him like so many times before.

“Did you say his name was Sugden? Robert Sugden?” 

Aaron lifted his head and couldn’t read the look on Adam’s face.

“Yeah. You know him?” Aaron very much doubted that. There was no way Adam and Robert would have ever run in the same circles.

“Nah. Just the perfect name for a perfect wanker.” Adam always had his back and Aaron had never been more thankful than he was at this moment. 

“I’m sorry, Adam. I know the last while I’ve been a pain.” Aaron looked at his hands. “You should be telling me all about your Vic, not listening to my bullshit.”

“Shut up, mate.”

“Adam…”

“Seriously, mate. Shut. Up.” 

Aaron looked up to see Adam’s goofy smile and the last bit of anxiety he felt disappeared.

“But I do want to meet her. It’s clear she makes you happy.” He was sincerely made up for his friend. Adam may be a goof on his best days but he was loyal and lovable, no one knew that better than Aaron.

“Yeah, I’d like that. But we got time. No need to rush it.” Adam patted his shoulder. “What we need to focus on is getting this Robert bloke out of your head. Other than the candle what else did he touch? Should we just torch the whole place and start over from scratch?” 

Once again Aaron laughed even as his heart ached, getting rid of Robert wouldn’t be that easy. But he had to start somewhere. Other than a business card in his wallet it was like Robert had never existed. He realized then that _his_ Robert hadn’t, at least not the one he’d started to fall in love with.

The thought sobered him up just as much as it terrified him. No way he’d felt that strongly, that was impossible. They’d hardly known each other, it hadn’t been real. None of it.

He jumped off the couch, found his wallet on the table where he’d thrown it on his way in the house. 

“What are you doing?” Adam walked into the kitchen, confused at the small white square Aaron crushed in his hand.

“Getting rid of the last of him.” He walked over and tossed the remains of everything Robert into the bin under the sink. His heart felt no less heavy but his head felt lighter.

Adam quirked his eyebrow but said nothing else.

“Right. I need sleep.” Aaron offered his mate a small grin. “Thanks for listening.”

“Anytime.”

Aaron nodded and let Adam give him another quick hug before he made his way up the stairs. He was almost at the top, his legs once again worn out. Fuck, he’d done a number on himself.

“Aaron?”

He turned to see Adam with a serious expression, so fierce that Aaron steeled himself against whatever was to come next.

“I know I ain’t the smartest bloke but I do know that the world is a better place with you in it. Especially mine. Promise me you’ll remember that?” 

Aaron wiped at his face, aware he wasn’t the only one with tears in his eyes.

“Yeah.” 

Adam gave him a watery smile.

“Good.”

With that Aaron made his way to his room, folded himself around his pillow and was asleep in moments. For a few hours life allowed him to be blissfully unaware of the chaos in his mind and that hollow feeling in his heart.

He was also unaware that his best mate made his way to the bin, pulled out the mangled business card and read the name with a rage he hadn’t felt since his own father died. He reached for his mobile and barely let his girlfriend say hello before he whispered his anger into the phone.

“Babe, I need to know everything about your brother Robert and then I’m going to kill him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again the fic and I are at odds. It always wins which I don't actually think is fair. This is going to be longer than I planned but we'll get there. Thanks for reading and ignoring my lack of editing abilities. Your comments have meant the world.


	13. Low Life

She was perfect. Pink cheeks and the tiniest fingers Robert had ever seen. They clasped his thumb so tightly he knew she had her mother’s spirit. The love he instantly felt was astounding, and he wasn't the only one smitten. He barely got two minutes of her before Ruby was clicking her tongue and snagging the bundle from his arms.

“Yes, I know your Uncle Robert is very pretty but I promise you Aunt Ruby will buy you rainbow dresses and pink converse.” Ruby smiled down at the baby, barely a day old and already changing everything.

“Black converse. We want her to have style.” Jessica ran her finger across the little chin, showing one of her rare bursts of affection. 

Baby Amelia was a miracle worker after all.

Diane was glowing, which Robert thought should be impossible given that just over 12 hours ago she’d brought another person into the world. To hear John tell it his wife had been a champion while he’d spent the whole time trying to catch his breath.

Clive took that moment to burst into the room, a massive purple balloon floating above his head and a giant bouquet of flowers in his hands. 

“The favourite uncle has arrived.” He hip checked Robert out of the way as he sauntered to Diane’s bed to kiss her upturned cheek. He shuffled over to croon at Amelia before he pulled three cigars from his pocket and grinned. “All right men, we have a tradition to uphold. Let’s leave the ladies to their knitting.”

Jessica shot him a dirty look as Ruby laughed loudly. Amelia squirmed, a soft cry her first show of annoyance at the crowd that had come to adore her. The moment she was settled back in her mother’s arms she went quiet once again.

“Oh go, this way I don’t have to share any of my booze with you.” They’d all kept their word, three bottles of red wine hidden away in a newly purchased diaper bag. Robert knew Diane wouldn’t touch it for weeks yet but they’d all let her pretend for now she was still wild and free.

They made for the door, Clive turning to Jess and her sulking face. “I got you one too, come on.” She grinned and hooked her arm through Robert’s as the headed towards the lifts.

The four of them made their way outside, found a spot near some bushes out of sight and allowed Clive to make a big show of it all.

“Congratulations, she's a beauty.” Clive blew out smoke and shot John a wink. “Thankfully all her mother.”

John laughed and shook his head, tears springing to his eyes. “She’s perfect.”

They stood there in comfortable silence, or it would have been if Robert hadn’t felt Jess’s laser like glare to the side of his head. 

“Rob….” 

“He said he doesn’t want to talk about it.” John gave Robert a watery smile, sadder than it should have been on a day like today. “Leave it be.”

“Well I think he needs to talk about it.” Jess huffed out a cloud of smoke and curled her lip. 

Robert just sighed and shoved his lit cigar towards Clive. “ _He_ is fine and _he_ is going back inside. Seriously. I’m okay.” He smiled at Jess, hoped he could keep faking it until it was actually true. 

He turned back towards the hospital but not before he heard Jessica’s shout. 

“I don’t believe you!”

And really, she shouldn’t. 

It’d only been a few days and Robert was hardly sleeping. When finally he did he’d wake up swearing he could feel Aaron on his skin. The slow drag of calloused fingers that crept across his waist. A soft puff of air at the base of his neck. The drag of teeth over his bottom lip. Those few moments before he remembered what he’d done were the best part of his day.

It may have been Robert’s doing but he was the one coming undone. He couldn’t work, couldn’t focus. He kept replaying the phone call on a loop over and over again, all the things that he’d said, how he filled the void. He’d worried that if he stopped talking he’d take it back. He wanted to believe he could tell Aaron everything and that it wouldn’t change what was between them.

He’d convinced himself he was the only one that would get hurt. He almost believed it to be true until he’d heard the sharp intake of Aaron’s breath over the phone, harsh and haunting. It broke him, which was exactly what Robert deserved. Then the line had gone dead with no final goodbye between them. 

It was over but it didn’t feel over. Robert wondered if it ever really would.

So he drank himself into an even greater stupor than before and drowned it all out. He’d woken up the next morning on the floor, puffy eyed and heartsick. But the Robert of old wasn’t done yet, he had one more lie to tell.

**Robert - Aaron wont be around anymore. It didn’t work out. It’s okay. I’m okay. I don’t want to talk about it.**

**Ruby - What? Why?!**

**John - Sorry, mate.**

**Clive - I’m coming over.**

**Diane - I AM ALSO COMING OVER.**

**Jess - I’ll kill him.**

**Robert - No one is coming over. I have to work. I’m fine. Seriously.**

**John - I’ll keep them busy. You know where we are if you need us.**

Clive had called and Robert sent it to voicemail. Next was Diane and he did the same. An hour later when Ruby phoned he picked up.

“I really don’t want to talk about it.” 

“I love you, Robert.” He could hear her slight sniffle over the phone and he knew she was probably blaming herself in some way. She took everything to heart, and hers was too big for her own good.

“I love you too.” He ended the call and that was that. Case closed. They could think what they wanted and they would all move on. He would move on, eventually.

It was just luck that shortly after Diane went into labour and then it was all messages about contractions and water breaking. Robert never wanted to read the word dilated ever again. 

He stopped at Diane’s hospital room door, Ruby and her both gazing down at Amelia tucked up tight. This was his family and he'd hurt anyone to keep them for as long as possible, even if that anyone was himself.

Diane looked up, noticed him standing there and reached out her hand for him to take.

“Come look, she does this adorable thing with her nose.” 

* * *

Robert pushed his chair away from his desk. His client had emailed that she wasn’t happy with the latest design and he couldn’t blame her. It was uninspired and generic. He was better than that.

He glanced at the clock and noticed he’d missed lunch and dinner. He’d achieved nothing in the lost hours except for staring out the window or at the photos on his shelves.

This was ridiculous, Robert couldn’t understand why this was all still so fucking difficult. He’d barely known Aaron, at least by anyone else’s standards. Even getting over Katie hadn’t been this gut wrenching. Yes, he’d loved her but it had been more his wounded pride that she’d picked Andy over him than anything else. 

Suddenly his home felt suffocating, everywhere he looked he saw him. Aaron laughing as he sat at the kitchen counter. Aaron with his eyes closed, lips wet and red as he offered them again sprawled beside Robert on the sofa. Aaron moaning in the shower. Against the wall. In his arms.

Robert needed to get out, he just couldn’t breathe.

He ended up at the beach, sitting in the sand and watching the waves crash over and over again. It was late enough there weren't many people about. The occasional couple strolled by hand in hand. Robert sneered at their cliche romantic gestures, even though days ago he’d imagined doing the same thing. But real love wasn’t flowers and moonlit strolls, it was understanding each other. It was wanting better for the other because their happiness was what brought you joy. Or so he kept telling himself. If in the end of all this Aaron found his path and Robert got to keep what he had, well that was the best outcome he could hope for.

Robert had always been selfish, at least he was certain he had been. He remembered the first time Katie kissed him, her making the move near the toilets of the pub while Andy sat at the bar. In the beginning it had been a thrill, sneaking around right under the other Sugden men’s noses. Somewhere along the way he had fallen for her, thought himself proper head over heels. Now he knew it wasn’t her but how she’d made him feel that was the draw all along. She’d told him over and over that she needed him, that Andy wasn’t enough. That she’d leave him and they’d run away together.

In the end she got her wedding to Andy and Robert got the blame. 

God, he’d been so angry and bloody hurt. Even worse still when she came to him again not long after. Tried to seduce him in the hay barn, all of it a ruse to get him gone for good. It had worked, his father kicking Robert out without more than a backwards glance. He had the son he wanted in Andy, not the one he’d made in Robert.

He remembered the punch to the face he’d let Andy give him. The split lip that stung when the tears fell as he’d hugged Victoria one last time. She’d been so young then, had loved him in her innocent way and he couldn’t bear telling her he was going. So he’d left it unsaid, told her he’d see her the next day. He hated leaving her, mostly because he knew the next time he saw her she’d loathe him as much as everyone else.

But Andy couldn’t leave it at that could he? No, he had prove his manliness in a game of chicken. It didn’t matter that they were no longer boys on their bicycles but men behind the wheels of deadly machines. Robert had backed down but not in time, their friend dying because he chose to save Andy instead. Just another thing he’d done wrong, another thing he had to wear all the blame for. Max died in the crash but he took any hope of Robert’s redemption along with him.

He’d played his part. He wasn’t like Aaron and innocent in his role. He wasn’t a survivor, he’d just run away and then clung onto whatever good life brought him after that.

Maybe it was this hard because he’d seen a real future from Aaron and he couldn’t run from that. With Katie he’d never looked beyond the next secret moment, the next sordid meeting. They’d never discussed their hopes for the future, he’d just assumed they’d have one one day. He’d never daydreamed of holding her hand while watching the sunset.

With Aaron he’d let himself see it, actually felt like he was living it for those few short days. Now his life didn’t feel like his anymore, and he didn’t feel like himself at all. He just needed time, he’d forget and it'd all be okay. He just didn’t know what that would look like yet.

His mobile buzzed and he assumed it would be someone else checking up on him, by his estimation it was John’s turn to take the hit. When he saw Victoria’s name on his screen his heart sunk further. He’d known this call was coming, he’d just hoped he’d have more time. That seemed to be the common theme of his life at the moment.

“Victoria.”

“Do you want to explain to me why I just spent the better part of an hour convincing my boyfriend to not hunt you down and tear you limb from limb?” She didn’t sound angry, she sounded hurt and somehow that made it all so much worse.

“I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say, there wasn’t anything else he had to give.

“So you knew then?” Her voice got fiery and for a minute the image of their mother flashed in his mind. She had her hands on her hips, chin jutting out at their father. God, he missed her. “You knew you were jerking around my boyfriend’s best mate?”

“I didn’t mean to jerk him around. It wasn’t like that, he means more than that.” Robert winced at his own words aware that he’d given too much away.

“Then why? Because from what Adam told me, that’s my boyfriend by the way, he’s amazing and I’m very happy or I was until tonight, you played him in the worst possible way. I don’t know Aaron but I know how important he is to Adam. That means he’s important to me too.” 

That was good. That was really good. Victoria was kind and nurturing, had been since she was a kid. She’d be good for Aaron, she'd be good for anyone.

“I’m sorry.” 

“That’s not enough Robert because I haven’t even met the man yet and now he’s going to hate me, no matter how much I love his friend.”

Robert smiled, his sister was in love and yeah, that did make him content for a moment. She should have that.

“You love him? Is he good to you?”

Victoria’s scoff of disgust was like a blow to the face that he took in stride. He knew he had it coming.

“He’s good, period.”

“I’m glad. I’m made up for you.” Robert stared out into the ocean and sighed. “You deserve to be happy.”

It was silent, and Robert could hear now she was crying. He hated admitting to himself that he was too. But he had to know one thing.

"Does Aaron know you're my sister?"

"Not yet, Adam isn't sure how to tell him, especially since you're the one who should be doing it."

"I'm sorry." It would never be enough.

“I don’t understand you. No matter how hard I have tried you don’t want me in your life and that hurts but I told myself it wasn’t about me. I always figured one day you would let me in, that under it all you were still the brother I remembered. Then you go and do this. Why?” 

Another choice, and another one where the right thing was going to bleed like hell.

“Victoria, it is what it is.” He squeezed his eyes tight. He could do this, he was doing this. Just hold on a little bit longer.

“Right. Well, don’t bother sending a Christmas card this year. Bye, Robert.”

The call ended and he shoved his phone back in his pocket. He braced his arms on his knees and looked up at the moon. 

At least this time he got a goodbye.

* * *

It was almost midnight by the time Robert made his way back to his empty flat. Only it wasn’t empty, Clive’s shoes evident just inside the door. He found his mate sipping a glass of wine with the TV on low playing the day’s earlier football match.

“Remind me to get my key back.” He dropped his coat on the floor and flopped down beside Clive, taking the glass out of his friend’s hand. He drank it all and then held it out for a refill from the bottle on the coffee table.

“Why don’t you just neck the whole lot then.”

“If I’m not mistaken this is a bottle from my cupboard in my kitchen in my house.” Robert groaned as he leaned back against the cushions. He was exhausted and tonight would no doubt be another restless one. He was almost grateful for the company.

Of course Clive knew that, getting up from his spot and heading toward the island where another bottle and wine glass stood. He grabbed them both, as well as a paper bag Robert hadn’t noticed at first.

It wasn’t until Clive slid a takeaway container in front of him, complete with utensils, did Robert realize how hungry he was. He put his glass down and opened it, chips from his favourite restaurant, complete with truffle oil and extra parmesan cheese. Even cold it would be the best thing he’s eaten since that last car ride with Aaron.

“God, I could kiss you.” 

Clive just raised his eyebrow and poured himself a new drink.

“I’ll be happy if you just eat something. When was the last time you slept?”

Clive sipped at his wine, his eyes running over Robert’s face. He was thankful to have people who cared but it felt wrong to accept it now after everything. He just shrugged in reply, not trusting himself to say anything.

Robert ate his food to the commentary on the game, Clive not saying a word as he put his feet up and got comfortable. When he was full and feeling more human than he had in days he grabbed the throw blanket off the back of the couch and covered both of them with it. 

“I really don’t want to talk about it.” 

He whispered it, unable to look over and see Clive’s concerned gaze. If Robert disappointed one more person he didn’t think he’d ever sleep again.

Clive put his hand on Robert’s arm and gave it a small squeeze. “I know, mate.” With that he turned back to the TV and snorted a laugh at the announcer's lame joke.

It didn’t take too long. In the end the hum of the TV, the warmth of his friend and the wine lulled him to another night of restless sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to post this given that it's Robert week but technically it's a Robert chapter so....does that work?
> 
> Remember, we don't edit in this house. The fic wont allow it. 
> 
> You remain my favourites.


	14. How Stupid Mr. Bates

Aaron wanted to say it got easier and maybe in a way it did. After unloading on Adam and accepting that he’d only seen in Robert what he’d wanted to see the anger slipped away. Most of it at least. He couldn’t stop blaming himself, even when his therapist’s voice echoed in Aaron’s head that he wasn’t to blame and he never had been.

It made him realize how desperate he was for connection, to feel like he was actually a good thing in someone else’s life. He’d spent his youth feeling worthless and everything after that trying to not be a bother. It didn’t mean he hadn’t been one, to hear his mother talk he was nothing but hardship. Still most of the time she said it with a fond smile and that had to count for something.

He went to work, was his normal scowly self but not enough to make Cain worry. He still ran everyday but he made sure to not push himself no matter how badly a part of him itched to just keep going until he collapsed. Sleep was still an issue but he’d survived on less.

Adam was suddenly always around. Aaron felt guilty that he was watching over his best mate instead of loved up with his girl. He’d mentioned again meeting the elusive Vic but Adam said something about her being busy with work and left it at that. He tried to be thankful but again he just felt awful that people worried about him. He’d give it a few more days and if it came to it they’d have another uncomfortable conversation about his feelings. He wanted Adam to live his life for himself and no one else.

The one thing he had to look forward to was the next day when he’d be at the youth shelter. He was nervous, he wasn’t leading a class or a talk. He was just going to be there, which Reverend Miller said would be a help in itself. 

“Just hang out in the common area, be an ear if someone needs it.” The Reverend even offered to pay for the petrol Aaron would use on the drive. He refused of course. He wasn't swimming in funds but he wasn’t hard up either.

It wasn’t until the night before, sitting on the sofa with Adam slumped in the chair snoring away that Aaron finally had a moment to himself to think about it. The game had long finished and his best mate continued to be on guard duty, refusing to go to bed until Aaron did. 

He was worried but not about going to Whitby. He’d laid out a plan to ensure there was no way he’d run into Robert. Aaron would drive to the youth center, making no stops inside the city limits and he’d drive back out again. The chances of seeing the bastard at a church facility was high up on the _not bloody likely_ scale.

No, Aaron was nervous that he was going to fuck up. What the hell did he know about helping a kid, helping anyone? This wasn’t changing a flat tire or jumping a dead battery. Sure he knew what it was like to have nowhere to go, learning to survive by your wits and plain dumb luck but he wasn’t a poster boy for anyone to look up to. 

Maybe they’d give him a broom to push or something. He surely couldn’t mess that up.

* * *

He’d gotten a tour of the place when he’d been here before. He thought it was pretty nice, he’d have given anything for a bunk bed and a place to shower all those years ago. There was a common area, complete with a kitchen, a lounge area with a TV and an older gaming system that appeared unused. A few computers were set up with internet access.

“We try to offer them resources, whether it’s counselling or schooling. But we don’t push. They have chores that are assigned on rotation but most importantly it’s a safe place. We check in with each of them once a week.” Mary was the coordinator and she seemed frazzled even as she did her best to make him feel welcome.. “We do our best. Sometimes you show up in the morning and one of them is gone. You hope they come back. You hope they’ve moved to better things.”

Aaron could tell by the look on her face that she didn’t have much else but that hope. He nodded along, let her lead him around as she made informally introductions to the other staff, all church volunteers.

“The kids seemed to enjoy your last visit, and it’s up to you if you want to set up any other type of hands on presentation. I’d have to approve it of course but I highly doubt that’ll be an issue.”

Mary offered him a sincere smile.

“I have some paperwork to do. We don’t have a full house right now and some of the kids are in a group therapy session. Just be available, does that make sense?”

“Yeah, sure. I don’t know…”

“Just talk to them like you did before. They’re human, they don’t want to be seen as anything else. It might take some time for them to warm up. But just get a feel for the place today. You know where my office is if you need me.”

With that she was gone and Aaron was on his own. It was clear they were giving him too much credit. He shoved his hands in his pockets and wandered around. There was a young man doing something on one of the computers, he gave Aaron a chin lift before turning back to his screen.

He needed to do something with his hands, but the place was clean. At least they took their chores seriously. He avoided the area where the dorm rooms were and ended up at a small garden patio through some glass doors. It had two overturned lawn chairs, a small table with an overflowing ashtray and long grass growing through the pavers. His mind made up he found what he needed by asking a friendly albeit very old volunteer where to look.

It took him less than an hour and a bit of sweat but by the time he was done the furniture was spotless, the grass cleaned up and the ashtray emptied. He was sweeping up the last of it when the door opened to a teenage girl who curled her lip at him like something on the bottom of her shoe.

“So you’re here for community service.” She had a package of cigarettes in her hand and was twirling a lighter between fingers painted with chipped nail polish. “So what did you do? Arson? Fraud? GBH?” 

Aaron watched her light one up, too young to be smoking or to have so much anger that she couldn’t hide behind her veneer of indifference. He just shook his head at her, finished sweeping away the debris as the smoke wafted towards him.

“Oh I get it, you’re here to make yourself feel better about your cozy life. Score some points with the man upstairs.” 

Aaron just looked back at her, saw everything he used to be staring right back. It made him sad for her, for himself. Life had made them who they were. She was just too young to understand that she didn’t have to stay that way.

“Are you deaf? Mute? I don’t know sign language.” For a brief moment her eyes got a little soft, almost apologetic. As he expected there was a heart under the large black hoodie she didn’t need in the summer heat.

“I’m Aaron.” He brushed his hands on his jeans but didn’t offer one to her. He knew it would be ignored. “I’m not here for any other reason than because the Reverend was good to me when I was on the streets. I owe him.”

She bit at her thumb, a habit Aaron knew he had and he hid his smile behind his hand. He walked over to the table and pulled out one of the chairs. He took a seat, crossing his arms and looking at his work. He tried to act nonchalant, forcing himself to not glance over when she took the other chair and curled up in it.

“I’m Jules.” Aaron flicked his eyes to her, amazed at how small she could make herself look. “Want one?” She offered up her pack with a hesitant smirk.

He didn’t smoke anymore, hadn’t in years. Then again Jules had nothing and no one, she wouldn’t be here otherwise. Which meant she was offering Aaron something she didn’t really have to give. Mary’s advice ran through his head as he offered a small grin in return.

“Yeah, why not.”

* * *

Aaron walked to his car feeling like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. It was a new feeling but he was almost certain it was pride. He’d sat with Jules for 30 minutes as he held a cigarette and pretended to actually smoke it. They talked a little, the silence eventually too much for them both. She asked him if he’d really been homeless and he was honest, even when she inquired as to why.

“Shitty abusive father.” Aaron was relieved when she didn’t give him the sympathetic face most did when they learned of his past. 

“My Dad was amazing. Then he died and left me with a shitty abusive mom.” She tucked herself deeper into her hoodie. “Some people shouldn’t be allowed to have kids.”

“Bloody rights.” 

Jules burst out into a laugh, the kind of giggle that every teenage girl was known for and like a miracle she looked her age. If he had to guess she was no older than 15 when earlier he would have put her in her 20s.

“Bloody rights.” She imitated him exactly, and Aaron found himself chuckling along. 

That was how Mary found them, laughing on the newly cleaned patio about the shitty hand they’d both been dealt.

“Jules, it’s your turn on dinner prep.” 

Jules rolled her eyes but got up to do as asked. She fiddled with her sleeves, her face unexpectedly shy when he gave him a small wave.

“Bye, Aaron. See you around.” 

“Later, kid.”

She beamed at him, even offered Mary a warm smile before heading inside. Mary had taken one look at Aaron and closed the door behind her. For a second he was nervous he’d really messed up, but they’d told him to just be there. It wasn’t his fault that he got absolutely no direction.

It turned out that Jules had been there almost two weeks and other than mandatory check ins she hadn’t spoken a word to anyone, not even any of her peers. Mary had been so excited at the breakthrough that she insisted the center pay for his petrol if he was willing to come back the following Monday. 

He would, he surprised himself with how quickly he’d agreed. Maybe he’d got caught up in Mary’s excitement, or maybe he couldn’t stop thinking about Jules getting a few moments to just be a kid. He’d have to work on the whole smoking thing though, that shit wasn’t good for her.

He was so lost in his happy thoughts as he walked to his car. He was feeling so good about himself that he smiled as he heard his name shouted from behind him. He turned expecting to see Mary or Jules, or honestly anyone else.

Instead Aaron came face to face with a grinning Ruby. She was standing arm in arm with her partner Jessica, who was openly shooting daggers at him with her eyes.

_Great._

* * *

Livid wasn’t the right word, neither was murderous but it felt pretty damn close. Aaron wanted to ring Robert’s neck. Instead he just twisted his hands around the steering wheel and pressed down on the peddle. He almost hoped he got a ticket, he could do with a minor high speed chase.

Aaron had been caught off guard at seeing Robert’s friends, even more so by the blatant hostility Jessica made no qualms about throwing his way. Even Ruby couldn’t stop her from dropping their entwined fingers and standing a few feet away.

“Just give me a second, Jess.” Ruby gave him her sweet smile. “How are you?”

Aaron couldn’t remember what he said, some bullshit about _fine_ and _keeping busy_ . Ruby just nodded along so whatever came out of his mouth must have made sense. He was in a haze, the only thing in focus was the hatred of Jessica’s gaze and the name _Robert_ on the tip of his tongue.

Because he wanted to ask how the bastard was even though he knew it wouldn’t be an answer he wanted. Robert wasn’t lying awake at night questioning where he went wrong, that was Aaron. Robert probably slept like a baby in his big comfortable bed in his adult apartment. The one with expensive art and a wine cupboard filled with labels that meant something to someone smarter than Aaron. 

For a second he’d imagined Robert wasn’t sleeping alone and his gut twisted.

“I’ve got to go.” Aaron hadn’t prepared himself for this. He’d actually believed life would let him spend two hours in Whitby unscathed. Someone somewhere was laughing at him.

Ruby frowned and stepped forward. 

“I know you ended things with Robert but I hope you’ll still keep in touch. You have my number yeah?”

He blinked at her confused. Yes, she’d snagged his phone that day at the cafe, rambling away as she programmed in her number. But that wasn’t the problem, it’s how she’s said…

“Ruby, come on. They’re waiting on us.” Jessica crossed her arms, her eyes laser focused on him. “Including Robert.”

Aaron winced at the direct hit, but it didn’t make any sense. His head was still spinning. Jessica was clearly a guard dog for those she loved but Ruby wouldn’t be with someone who was intentionally cruel. Unless she didn’t think she was being cruel. Not if she thought Aaron deserved it.

“Sorry about that. She’s just protective. I’m sure you had your reasons.” Ruby reached over to pat his arm. “Please don’t be a stranger.”

He knew it then, God of course he did but he’d been stupid enough to believe he’d misheard. He should have put the pieces together on his own. He should have saved what shred of dignity he had left. Instead he’d snagged Ruby’s hand, ignoring the surprise on her face and Jessica prowling towards them.

“My reasons? My reasons for what?” 

“For breaking it off with, Robert.” Ruby looked at him strangely as he took in a sharp breath and struggled to breathe.

Suddenly Jessica was there by Ruby’s side. She had to have seen the way Aaron hadn’t been able to keep the mask up for a split second. Tears had sprung to his eyes because somehow Robert was still in there inside, down deep enough to cut. 

He’d just turned away and headed for the safety of his car. Aaron didn’t look back, the misplaced disdain for him wasn’t another thing he needed to wear. He was almost to the motorway when the sheer embarrassment took over, along with rage and overwhelming hurt.

Up until then he’d believed he wasn’t good enough for Robert. No matter what he told himself there had been the belief that Robert had seen Aaron and ran when he could. He’d lied to protect Aaron’s feelings, and it sucked but he could still pretend that Robert was a good guy. No, a great guy. One that messed up Aaron Dingle hadn’t measured up to.

Now it was clear that Aaron had been snookered from the start. God, that night on the beach had been a lie. He’d never been so raw and open with another person before and it had meant nothing. He couldn’t salvage any of it, and it had meant so much to him, more than he’d dared to admit to himself.

Lying to Aaron was one thing but lying to the people Robert claimed were his family that was a whole other level.

Aaron had actually worried that they hadn’t liked him, that they didn’t think he was good enough for their friend. He’d known a bad impression on them would be more than enough to tip the scales against them. He’d believed not only what Robert said but who he had been and none of it had been true.

So what? Aaron was an easy fall guy? Probably didn’t want his friends to think that he’d broken the heart of the poor bloke with a suicide note. Or did he just like pretending to be dumped? Was that why he’d paraded Aaron in front of them? So they’d feel horrible when Robert’s heart was supposedly broken.

Who the hell had he shared his secrets with? Who had been in his bed? Who the fuck had he let himself fall for?

He made it home in half the time then it should have taken him. He’d gone over it and over it and he was done. He was so bloody done with Robert Sugden.

He slammed his way into the house, made straight for the fridge and grabbed two cans. He kicked the door shut and popped one open, downing half of it on his prowl to the sitting room. Adam was on the sofa, game controller in his hand with a wide eyed expression on his face.

“Aaron…”

“I will forever regret the day I met that son of a bitch.” Aaron downed the rest of his beer, dropping the can to let it roll on the floor before opening the next. “Do you know what that bastard did?”

“Aaron…” 

“He told his friends I was the one who dumped him. Is there anything that man doesn’t lie about?” Aaron collapses onto the chair, his anger not subsiding.

“Aaron, mate…”

“Yeah, exactly. Of course I run into Ruby, who is all smiles and her girlfriend Jessica, who acts like she wants to roast my dick on an open flame. Because I couldn’t have one good day could I? Nope. None of those for Aaron Dingle. He told them I ended it. Can you believe that?”

Aaron downed the rest of his can, waiting for Adam to back him up. To say anything really. Instead his mate just sighed and put his head in his hands.

“Adam?” 

What had he missed? He’d been so wrapped up in himself that he forgot there were more important things in life than his daily Sugden drama.

“Mate, is everything okay? Did something happen with Vic?” Aaron leaned forward to put his hand on Adam’s knee. His mate looked at him through his fingers and groaned.

“I didn’t know how to tell you this, I kept waiting for a good time. And now it’s clear that will never happen and maybe it’s been too long and you’ll be pissed at me for keeping it from you.” 

“Tell me.” Because at this point what was one more shot to the gut. 

“Mate…”

“Adam, as long as you aren’t about to tell me you murdered my entire family and burned up the entire liquor stock of Britain it’ll be okay.” 

They had each other’s backs. They may not be fancy adults with impressive flats and appetizers made from scratch but their bond was real, and they didn’t lie to each other. Of that Aaron was sure.

“Yeah, yeah okay. It’s about Victoria.”

The possibilities ran through his mind. Was she pregnant? Married? Were they having an affair? Oh, God he hoped Adam hadn’t gotten taken in by a bored wife.

“Okay, what’s up?” He prepared himself for every possibility except the one that actually came out of Adam’s mouth. But how was he supposed to prepare for what he got? Life truly wasn’t done with Aaron yet.

“Vic is Victoria Sugden. She’s Robert’s little sister.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fic and I apologize for the delay on this chapter. Life got in the way. Hope it was worth the wait. Also punctuation has no place here. 
> 
> Thanks for all your overwhelming support. I am always so amazed at the love y'all give me.


	15. No Time This Time

Robert had simply let himself fall into a complete level of  _ lack of fucks _ unlike one he’d ever experienced before. He’d given up working entirely. He told himself; everyone was entitled to some vacation. He didn’t have any pressing projects and two weeks wouldn’t kill his hefty bank account. Sure most people went away on holiday, spent time soaking up the sun. Robert instead traveled from his bed to his couch and back again, occasionally stopping at the fridge or the front door when a take away was delivered.

He hadn’t showered in two days. He wasn’t sure the last time he changed his clothes. He didn’t sleep unless he was passed out drunk. Then he’d wake up and start his descent into patheticness all over again. 

He’d avoided his friends since that night with Clive. The first excuse was work and then it was because he had come down with a mysterious bug. The fear of giving anything to baby Amelia kept them away for now. He figured he had one or two more days before he’d have to deal with them, but that was a problem for another time.

Robert had almost called Aaron at three of his lowest moments. Once he’d composed a drunken text message begging forgiveness but thankfully blacked out before he could hit send. He knew he was wallowing in a pit of his own making but he still felt plenty sorry for himself. He’d even started daydreaming numerous other ways him and Aaron could have met. All wildly different scenarios that could have led to an entirely different ending. All of them ending in some sort of romantic elopement and the two of them growing old together with matching armchairs by a fire, occasionally with a dog or two.

Robert was aware he was torturing himself; he just couldn’t bring himself to care too much. He was halfway through his two week pity party and he was going to lament into every moment of it. When it was done he’d pick himself back up, he’d tuck Aaron away into a corner of his mind and accept that his heart would always have a crack in it. He’d stopped beating himself up for feeling the way he did, no matter how fanciful or ridiculous it would seem to anyone else. He’d somehow fallen to the edge of love and then blown it up thinking it would save them both. Instead he was almost certain he’d just shoved himself completely over all on his own and now he was free falling.

He was allowed to wallow for a while, just not for forever. 

But forever wasn’t what he had to deal with at the moment. Right now he was annoyed that his current bottle of wine was empty and that meant getting off his ass to get a fresh one from the kitchen. He was deep in thought about how red wine should only ever be consumed by lovers and heartbroken fools when a pounding on the door made him wince. He wrapped his duvet tighter around himself and buried his face into a couch cushion. Whoever it was would go away eventually and let him get back to his blanket hugging sadness.

“Robert Sugden, I will break this door down!”

Or not.

For a brief moment he debated calling 999 and reporting an attempted break in. Still he knew that voice, and Jessica would probably take down a few cops before they’d haul her away. He didn’t need another thing on his conscious. He struggled to his feet, which would have been easier if he’d just let the blanket go. He refused, it was an armour he needed at the moment.

He shuffled to the door and barely slid the lock before Jessica was shoving him aside and barging into his place. Ruby followed slowly behind, her eyes were apologetic but she didn’t do anything else but follow her lover into his living area.

“What are you…” 

“You do not speak.” Jessica pointed her red tipped fingernail at him and  _ holy shit _ she was pissed. “You don’t say a damn word until everyone else gets here. Then you have some explaining to do.”

Robert debated getting that bottle of wine but right now his friend the viper was between him and that solution so instead he flopped back on the couch. Ruby sat near him, glancing between him and Jessica with a look of absolute trepidation on her face.

“How are you feeling?” Ruby moved to put her arm around him but halted when Jessica growled from her lean against the counter.

“No coddling, Ruby. You promised me.”

“But he looks so sad!” Ruby pouted but still moved away, her face drawn yet resolute. 

Banging from his entryway meant the arrival of more of his friends, which he wasn’t sure he was going to call them anymore. Interlopers? Buzz kills? Undecided. Robert just buried himself deeper into his suddenly overly warm blanket and frowned.

John, Clive and Diane charged in one after the other. John winced when he saw Robert while Clive wrinkled his nose. Diane sighed and looked to Ruby.

“It’s worse than we thought.” 

“What, so you’ve all been talking about me behind my back?” Robert was the offended party here. He didn’t deserve them all coming into his melancholy world and judging him.

“Yes, actually we have.” Clive stepped over a take away bag from three days ago laying in the middle of the floor. “We have a group chat expressly named  _ Robert Is Having A Breakdown.” _

“Christ mate, you should have called.” John made his way to the fridge, opening it and then closing it just as quickly. “Everything in there has gone bad. We are past phase two.”

Robert had no idea what everyone was saying, it was like his mates had developed a new language in the week he’d been out of their sights.

Jessica clapped her hands to bring everyone to attention, Robert just rolled his eyes at the theatrics of it all.

“I know I said I called you all here to stage an intervention but that was a ruse.” Robert leaned back as Jessica walked up to him, moved her face in close and pierced him with the most frightening look he’d ever seen. “So tell us Robert, why have you been lying to us all this time?”

_ Fuck. _

“What do you mean?” Diane was the first one to question it. “He wouldn’t….” But when he wouldn’t meet her gaze she gave a helpless groan. “Oh Robert, what is going on?”

“I’ll tell you what is going on. Just 30 minutes ago Ruby and I ran into one Aaron Dingle.” Jessica paused at the collective intake of breath from around the room. 

Robert closed his eyes because all he saw was Aaron’s face smiling up at him and it hurt so bad he wanted to throw something.

“I am pretty sure we all agreed not to bring his name up ever again.” Clive sounded angry and Robert felt nothing but shame.

“Oh we did and trust me had I not seen what I am almost certain I saw I would have gouged his eyes out myself.” Jessica nudged Robert’s legs with her knee and sat between him and Ruby. He felt her hand on his shoulder but still he couldn’t face this. Not now. He was pretty certain not ever. “He looked heartbroken, almost cried right there on the street before he all but ran away from us. It was pretty clear to see that Aaron hadn't been the one to end things but that Robert had instead.”

The silence in the room was deafening. Robert opened his eyes to see each one of his best mates looking at him like he’d lost his mind. Maybe they were right.

“I find that impossible to believe.” Clive waved at the array of empty bottles haphazardly arranged on the kitchen island. “Robert had broken up with many a poor soul and he’s never even batted an eye. This is phase three insanity we’ve stepped into.”

He watched Diane give her husband a look before moving to Robert and crouching down to run her eyes over his face. She placed a cool hand to his cheek. “But Aaron is different isn’t he?”

And just like that the tears started to fall.

* * *

They’d calmed him down, Diane and Ruby hugging him close before sending him to shower once he’d finally stopped crying. He was too exhausted to think about everything or face that once he was done he’d have to tell his mates the whole truth. They’d probably hate him but they deserved to know. 

When he entered his bedroom from the en-suite there was a pile of his comfiest sweats laying on his newly stripped and remade bed. The clothes that had been strewn across the room were gone and he had no doubt his washing machine was probably running a new load. 

He combed his hair but didn’t bother doing more than that. Once dressed he admitted he felt better than he had in days, physically at least. He took a deep breath before heading out into his flat. 

The empty bottles and take away containers were gone. His counters sparkled and someone had vacuumed. His mates were arranged around his sitting area. His spot on the sofa was empty, a bottle of water and a clean blanket waiting for him. It was now or never.

He sat beside Ruby, let her arrange the blanket over his shoulders and squeeze his knee. He wanted to soak up as much of their love while he had it. Losing them would be the hardest thing he was ever going to do.

“Okay. Yes, I ended things with Aaron.”

No one said anything, he wasn’t telling them something they didn’t already know.

“When I was driving him home the day after our dinner things were so good. I’d never...it was just  _ so _ good. He made me so happy and we were happy and it was like a dream. Like I finally got it, what you all have.” There was a grunt from the corner of the room. “Sorry, I mean what most of you have.”

Robert glanced at Clive who offered an ironic smile.

“But when I dropped him off he showed me a photo of his best mate Adam and Adam’s new girlfriend. It’s my sister Vic.” Robert instantly looked to Diane and saw her face twisted with anger but he shook his head. “She didn’t do anything, from what I can tell no one had made the connection. At least not then. Vic knows now, so does Adam. I assume Aaron does as well.”

“I don’t understand why that matters. I know you two have a complicated relationship but…” Jessica’s voice was soft, Robert was almost certain he’d never heard her sound like that before.

“Because that meant he’d find out about my past, which meant you’d all find out about my past. I thought I could handle losing Aaron but I knew I’d never handle losing you all. But that seems inevitable now.”

“Honey, you’re never going to lose us.” Ruby rubbed his back and he leaned into it. “I mean yes, when Clive is eventually murdered by one of his jilted paramours sure but not before then.”

Robert couldn’t help but smile as his mates chuckled. God, what was he going to do without them?

He took a deep breath, “Right, so here it is. When I was 19 I slept with my brother’s fiancee. Not just once, a full blown affair that went on for weeks.”

“Rob…” John tried to interrupt him but he kept going.

“I mean the night before their wedding her and I were planning to run away together. The horrific thing is I didn’t even love her, I just wanted to stick it to my old man and my brother.”

“Honey…” Ruby squeezed him closer but he couldn’t stop now. He had to tell the truth before the lies ripped him apart anymore than they already had.

“And that’s not the worst of it. There was a car accident, and it was all my fault and my friend Max died because of me and…”

“Robert, stop.” Jessica leaned over Ruby to clamp her hand over his mouth. “We know all this already.”

Robert sat up straight, Jessica’s hand falling away and Ruby’s arm no longer holding him tight. He stared around the room, each one of them giving him looks of equal parts sympathy and love.

“But how?” He’d remember telling them his darkest and most shameful secrets. Wouldn’t he?

“Honey, the day of your father’s funeral you told us all this. You were drunk off your face sure but yeah, we know.” Ruby was still smiling at him and he didn’t get how he could still have that.

Robert tried to think back to that day over eight years ago. It was a blur of pain and tequila and falling asleep with his head in Clive’s lap.

“Why didn’t any of you say anything?”

None of this made any sense. All this time they’d known and they hadn’t left?

“Because we all shared our darkest secrets to make you feel better and vowed to never speak of them ever again.” Clive put his chin on his palm. “Which is a shame because Jessica’s was a juicy one.”

“Shut up, Clive” Jessica gave Clive a withering look. “You really don’t remember?” 

He shook his head. He didn’t and he wished more than anything that he had. Things would be so different right now, his heart wouldn’t hurt so damn much.

“Mate, are you saying you broke up with Aaron, who I think we can all agree you’re head over heels in love with, because you thought being with him would lead to us hating you?” Robert couldn’t look at John after he said it, instead he focused on his hands and nodded.

Within moments Robert was pulled to his feet and John’s arms wrapped him in a tight hug.

“When I was 16 I took my Dad’s car without asking and ended up driving it into a lake. To this day he still thinks neighborhood thugs stole it.” John squeezed him tighter as he spoke.

Then came Diane, her hand sliding through Robert’s still damp hair. “I cheated on my GCSE’s.”

Ruby wrapped herself around Robert’s back, “I broke up with my first girlfriend and lied saying it was because I was allergic to her cat. She gave it away thinking I would take her back. I didn’t.”

Clive was there suddenly in the mix of arms, “I had a three month affair with my boss who was married to a woman. He paid me off to keep quiet. That’s how I was able to buy my place so young.”

Then Jessica, her hand finding Robert’s and giving it a squeeze, “I lost my virginity to my brother’s then girlfriend. In his bed. While he was downstairs watching footie with our dad.”

They were quiet for a few moments and Robert just held on. He hadn’t lost them, they were still his. They loved him and he couldn’t comprehend what he had ever done to deserve them.

Clive was the first to speak, because of course he was.

“I told you Jessica’s was juicy.”

And together like they’d always been and hopefully always would be Robert and his family laughed.

* * *

Robert was in the passenger seat of John and Diane’s minivan on his way to Emmerdale. It was quiet on the drive, Amelia sleeping all bundled up in her car seat. Diane was dozing as well, new mother exhaustion was real but she’d refused to miss out on the trip.

Clive, Ruby and Jessica were in the far back, squished together and texting each other instead of talking. If anyone said anything above a whisper Diane shushed them so fast it made your head spin.

Robert’s head was already spinning. It had been an overwhelming day, emotionally exhausting but uplifting at the same time. The laughter had barely died when Robert had wiped his eyes and said matter-of-factly, “I need to get him back.”

They’d all cheered, even Jessica. Then they figured out a game plan, which wasn’t more than showing up at Aaron’s door, telling him everything and Robert begging for forgiveness. He’d grovel on his knees if necessary. 

Also Robert was instructed to look as good as humanly possible.

“I mean, not like it’s hard for you to do, mate.” 

Clive went through Robert’s closet and grabbed the shirt he’d worn their first morning together. Aaron had said Robert looked fit in it. If he closed his eyes he could almost hear it again, the flirty rasp of Aaron’s voice that he missed so much. 

“Okay, this one!” Clive threw the shirt at him before digging out a pair of jeans. “These are the best for your ass, trust me.” Robert took his word for it.

They’d piled into the Baby Mobile, picked up Amelia from Diane’s mother and made their way to meet his fate. Robert’s stomach was in knots but at least he had his support squad. 

He knew he had a mountain of shit to make up for but they were meant for each other, he knew it. Aaron had to know it too. The odds weren’t in his favour. He’d pulled the rug out from Aaron, told so many lies to everyone he cared about but he was pretty sure they were all out in the open now.

He vowed anything Aaron didn’t know then Robert would tell him. He didn’t know how it would go but after everything he couldn’t walk away again. It was obvious that life wouldn’t let him.

A note in a bottle, Ruby and then Vic. There was coincidence and then there was fate. The stars aligned so their lives would have to smash into each other at some point. Knowing Aaron had looked devastated when he’d run into Robert’s friends was the only flicker of light he had to hold onto. He hated that he hurt Aaron but that had to mean he still cared. Robert swore he’d spend the rest of his life making it up to him and earning his trust back. 

He just hoped Aaron would let him. 

When the Emmerdale sign came into sight they all got even quieter than before, which seemed impossible. All Robert could hear was the pounding of his heart inside his chest. God he wanted to wrap his arms around Aaron, bury his face in his neck and tell him how he never wanted to go a day without him ever again.

John parked in front of the Woolpack and swiveled to face the back of the van.

“Okay, so we all agree that we will go straight into the pub and leave Robert to do this on his own, correct?” He didn’t need to look to know that his mates were nodding in agreement. “Good.”

Robert’s hands were sweating, and he legitimately thought he was going to be sick as he climbed out of the vehicle and onto the street. His friend’s hugged him one by one, Diane offering Amelia’s cheek for a kiss. 

“We’ll be here no matter what happens.” She pressed her hand to his cheek before she followed the rest of them inside. 

Now it was just Robert and his long list of stupid mistakes. He just hoped this one was fixable. 

He jogged across the street and straightened his shirt before knocking on the door. He closed his eyes as it creaked open, afraid of the initial look of disgust he knew would be across Aaron’s face.

“Are you fucking kidding me with this?”

His eyes shot open to reveal a very angry man who was very much not Aaron standing there with his fists clenched. This had to be Adam and he was aware the man wanted his head on a spike. Robert didn’t blame him one bit. He took a deep breath and held his hands up in surrender. 

“I’m not here to cause any trouble, I just really need to see Aaron and explain...” 

That was as far as he got before something that felt like a brick wall smashed into his face and the world went black.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter...surprise! The fic kept me up last night and this is the result. So if anyone needs me I'll be napping.
> 
> I adore you all.


	16. Don’t Stand So Close To Me

Going for a run shortly after downing two beers wasn’t Aaron’s wisest decision but it was the only option he had. He needed to move, break free and just go. His house, the village, even his own thoughts were suffocating him. But it wasn’t any of that really was it? No, it was Robert. He was around every corner of Aaron’s thoughts and sunk deep into every aspect of his life. Had it really just been weeks ago that Aaron hadn’t even known his name? 

He’d been stunned the minute Adam had opened his mouth, everything went still around him as a memory bloomed to life. 

_But she seems nice._

“How long have you known?” That was all he could think to say. He wasn’t angry with his mate but he was angry, raging actually. First Ruby and now Adam, everyone else knew the lies and the truth but Aaron felt like he knew nothing at all.

“Since the night you took a swing for me.” Adam looked so apologetic and Aaron was so fucking tired of everything. “She told me about her family and I knew he was….they weren’t good stories man. I mean he’s done some messed up shit. They aren’t close and Vic’s tried for years to like...be his sister but he won’t let her. She feels horrible, mate. She thinks you’re going to hate her.”

“Did she...did she talk to him about…” Aaron cut himself off. Did he really want to know? How had his life become some teenage soap opera?

“Yeah. She said he didn’t say much, just that he was sorry or whatever. She’s basically cut him out of her life now but it was a long time coming.”

Aaron suddenly had to stand, had to walk around the room and flex his fingers. His hands started to tingle and he shook them out. He couldn’t let his mind go there, he could let his emotions take control. That was what got him in this fucked up situation in the first place. 

“I’m so sorry, mate. You’re heartbroken and Vic is devastated and I don’t know what the right thing to do is. I love her man, but it’s you and…” 

_Oh no...no no no._

“Don’t you dare.” Aaron wasn’t angry for himself anymore. Robert could mess with his head all he wanted but he wasn’t going to touch his best mate. No bloody way. He moved to the sofa, put his arm around Adam and bumped their heads together. “This isn’t a choice you have to make. I would never let you.”

Adam looked like he was about to cry and Aaron had never hated anyone the way he hated Robert Sugden in that moment.

“Aaron, I would understand…”

“Could you imagine if people looked at me and only saw my father? If they compared me to him?” Bile rose in his throat but he ignored it. He could deal with himself later. “Would I deserve that?”

“Mate…” 

“No. You love Vic and that means she is worth a thousand of her brother. And that means I can’t wait to meet her and tell her embarrassing stories about you and us and... hell mate. I’m chuffed for you.” 

The grateful look Adam gave him wasn't one Aaron deserved but he was glad for it nonetheless.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Aaron felt Adam take a deep breath and relax into his side. He just had to hold it together a few more minutes, just a bit longer. He gave Adam a squeeze and got to his feet.

“Where are you going?”

The thing with best mates was they knew you well, too well unfortunately. Aaron didn’t have to lie, he just didn’t have to tell the whole truth.

“I’m going for a run. I just need to clear my head. I’m okay...I’ll be okay.” He would be once he could find somewhere to breathe.

“You’re sure?” Adam frowned and Aaron wasn’t having any of it. He refused to be the reason for anyone’s unhappiness.

“Yes, I’m sure. Now you’re going to go call Vic and set up a time next weekend for us to finally meet. Maybe dinner at the Woolpack? I’ll even let you pay.” Aaron’s stomach settled when Adam laughed. “He doesn’t factor into anything, not anymore. Not ever again. Okay?”

When Adam gave him a smile and a nod he headed to his room and changed as quickly as possible. Within minutes he was out the door, Adam on his phone talking in a whisper when Aaron rushed past him in the kitchen.

He ran hard and fast, deeper down the trail then he’d ever gone before. He didn’t bother with music, nothing would drown out the questions that were on repeat.

It was obvious now why Robert had ended it so suddenly, seeing his sister snuggled up to Adam must have been a shock to his system. Had that been the catalyst for him ending it? Was it whatever Adam had said about the _messed up shit_ Robert had done. But that didn’t make any sense. Nothing could be that bad, not if Vic wanted to be a part of her brother’s life up until now. 

Aaron had shared his darkest secrets. He thought Robert knew he could tell him anything and he’d be safe. He’d thought they were more than that. 

What Aaron needed to do was stop thinking about what he thought him and Robert were and accept what they are. Which was nothing. At all. This needed to end and he was doing it now.

He slowed down his pace, finally coming to a stop. He stretched, proud of himself that he hadn’t let himself go too overboard. 

What Aaron had told Adam was the way it was going to be. Robert didn’t factor into anything anymore. Not to Aaron. If he ran into him or any of his mates while in Whitby then he’d just keep walking. He wasn’t giving up going to the youth center, at least not while he could be of use. Who else was going to get Jules to stop smoking?

Aaron’s focus was his family, Adam, work and the center. He didn’t need anything else, and it was clear he wasn’t ready for more. Had he not been so lonely Robert wouldn’t have gotten his hooks in in the first place.

With that decided he felt lighter, but still wary. It was smart to never get too comfortable. You let your guard down and well…the situation he was in was proof enough of how bad that could go.

With a sigh he turned and decided to walk back the way he came. Sometimes the walls needed fortifying, and he’d take all the time he could get to make them stronger than before.

* * *

It didn’t turn out to be long enough. He’d decided to stop in at David’s and grab some beers to take back to Adam. He owed his mate huge. Aaron still couldn’t believe he’d been willing to break up with Vic for him. He didn’t deserve that, and Aaron wanted to be someone worthy of that devotion. A few cans wasn’t going to make up for the hassle he’d put Adam through but it was a start.

He’d ignored the display of candles at the register, forcing himself to not react. He even gave Noah a friendly smile and made small talk.

_See Dingle, you can do this._

He believed it, or had until he headed up the street and spotted Robert jogging to his front door. He shook his head, thinking at first if it was a mirage. He knew lack of sleep and running himself ragged could have negative effects. He laughed to himself, he’d finally pushed himself over the edge. 

Robert Sugden, the thing that finally made him crack. 

He watched his front door open and then Adam was standing there. Fuck, this was real and his mate looked ready to murder. He barely got a breath in before Adam took a swing and Robert was out of sight, on the ground hidden behind some bushes. 

He dropped the beer and sprinted, taken aback by the sight of Ruby racing out of the pub with Clive on her heels.

_What the bloody hell?_

He was only a few seconds behind them but it was long enough for Ruby to launch herself onto Adam’s back and start clawing him from behind. His mate yelled as he successfully bucked her off but she kicked him hard in the shin when she landed on her feet.

“Who do you think you are!” Ruby screamed at Adam before dropping to her knees on the ground where Robert sat with his blood dripping from a cut on his cheek.

“Who am I? Who the hell are you?!” Adam leaned down to rub at his leg.

“Hi, Aaron.” 

At Clive’s greeting all eyes turned to him as they finally realized he was actually there. Adam looked livid, Ruby looked even more pissed, and Clive just shrugged at him like this was just par for the course. 

“Aaron…” Robert attempted to stand but Ruby’s hold on his arm kept him down “...please I just want to talk. To explain.”

“No one fucking cares what you want, Sugden.” Adam advanced forward again but Aaron got to him first. With a hand to his mate’s chest he pushed him back.

“Enough, Adam.” 

“Yeah, ‘Enough, Adam.’” Ruby looked murderous as she and Clive hauled Robert to his feet.

“Calm down darling, we’ve all wanted to hit Rob a time or two.” Clive offered Aaron a sympathetic smile.

An uproar sounded across the street as people poured out of the pub. No, not people. Jessica, John and Diane with a bundle strapped to her chest. Jesus Christ, it never ended. He rubbed his forehead and took a deep breath.

“Okay...this is what we’re going to do…”

“Aaron, can we just...” Robert stepped towards him.

“Mate, please let me throw him out of here.” Adam tried to bat Aaron’s hand away from his chest and get at Robert again.

“What the hell is going on?” Jessica was there, Clive putting his arm out to block her path.

“Enough!” 

Everyone stopped talking at the boom in Aaron’s voice and then a second later a baby started to wail. Perfect, just bloody perfect.

“You.” Aaron shoved against Adam’s chest hard. “Go to your Mom’s place and calm the hell down.”

“You.” He turned to Clive who looked excited to be involved. “Please get the rest of them out of here. I don’t care where...just go.”

“You.” He glanced at Robert, a part of him happy to see the look of trepidation on his face. “You want to talk? You got 10 minutes.”

With that he stormed into his house and hoped to God they would actually listen to him.   
  


* * *

  
It was only a few seconds but long enough for Aaron to down a glass of water. He leaned over the sink and focused on breathing, steeling himself against whatever Robert was going to throw his way. He closed his eyes when he heard the door shut softly, swallowed against the lump in his throat.

He got his game face on but wasn’t prepared when he finally faced the man who had torn his life apart. His hair was a wild mess, dark circles under his eyes that were sad and pleading. He looked as beaten down as Aaron felt, spots of blood on a shirt that he remembered tugging off Robert’s arms just days ago. 

The urge was heady, he wanted to reach out and soothe. He wanted to tuck Robert into his chest and hold him close. Just another thing Aaron hated him for.

They stood there in silence. He was almost impressed at the way Robert held his head high. 

“You’re running out of time.” Aaron crossed his arms as if somehow that would keep the emotions beating wildly in his chest contained. “If you’re here to talk then talk.”

Robert took a step forward but thought better of it, instead he let his hands fall limply to his sides.

“I’ve missed you so much.” 

Aaron wasn’t expecting that, and it tore something clean in half that he thought was already broken.

“And whose fault is that?” 

Robert had the decency to wince, and then cringe against the swelling already starting to form. Aaron sighed, and waved his hand at the table.

“Sit down.” He went to the freezer and pulled out a bag of crisps. He tossed it on the table in front of Robert where it landed with a thunk. “Put that on your face.”

He pulled out a chair and sat so he was straddling it. He wanted to appear unaffected at the pleading Robert was doing with his eyes across from him. At least he was smart enough to put the frozen bag to his face with a hiss. Aaron thrummed his fingers on the back of the chair and waited. He looked at the wall behind Robert’s shoulder and tried to focus on a small scratch in the paint.

“Aaron, I’m so sorry. I messed up but I want to make it up to you and explain everything.” Robert sighed and dropped the crisps bag back on the table. “You have every right to be angry at me.”

“What should I be angry about exactly, Robert? The mixed messages? The fact that my best mate is dating your sister and you said nothing?” He looked straight into those eyes, still a colour he couldn’t name, and went for the kill. “Or the fact that you lied to your friends and made me out to be the bad guy in this, whatever the hell _this_ actually was.”

“Yes, I lied to them and I lied to you but they know the truth now, all of it. And you deserve that too.” Robert went to reach for Aaron again, as if he couldn’t help himself. “I want to tell you everything.”

“Robert, there is no point….”

“You can’t mean that.” Robert pushed out of his chair, his eyes blazing. Aaron stood up too, he couldn’t let him get too close. If Robert touched him he’d fall apart. He backed up until he met the counter, Robert still advancing. “We’re something special, I know we are. You know we are.”

“Don’t…” But it was too late, Robert’s cool hands were holding his cheeks, their foreheads pressed together. Aaron meant to push him away but his fingers fisted into his shirt instead and held on. “I can’t.”

“Please…” It was a whisper against his lips. “Please, Aaron.”

He knew he’d regret it later but what was another thing to add to the pile that kept him up at night? He never thought he’d have this again and he needed to believe the lie, just once more.

It wasn’t soft and sweet but aching and desperate, Aaron couldn’t do more than hang on. He let himself be swept up, his arms pulled Robert closer on instinct. Fingers moved through his hair, delicate against the clash of lips and teeth. He felt claimed and marked, and he knew instantly that even when this was over Robert wouldn’t ever truly be gone.

He did it slowly, tucked the parts of him under lock and key. He closed the wall with one final press of lips and a last caress of his hands down firm muscle. Robert must have felt it, knew Aaron was slipping away. He held on tighter, pressed his face into Aaron’s neck.

“Your time’s up.” He didn’t even recognize his own voice, how cold and final it sounded. He felt Robert freeze and then finally let go. When a hand reached for his cheek again Aaron turned away.

“I know I fucked up but we can fix this, I can fix this.”

Aaron just shook his head and sidestepped out of their bubble for the last time. He’d miss how safe he used to be inside it. How perfect and invincible Robert used to make him feel, even when he knew it was fletting. Life only ever let him have things for so long.

“There is nothing to fix.” Aaron looked at the slash of red on Robert’s face. 

Robert’s eyes got hard and for a moment Aaron thought it was finally over. He just needed it all to be done, tied up in knots and dropped into the sea. Then he wanted to sleep for a week.

Robert shook his head and made for the door, his hand on the knob. Aaron needed him to go but still couldn’t bring himself to watch him do it. He let himself be a coward and hung his head. The door opened and he squeezed his eyes tight.

_You’re almost there. Hold on._

“No.” 

The door shut firmly and Aaron whipped his head up, Robert in front of him again in an instant. Close enough to touch, to lean into. 

“I’ll walk out that door but I’m not running away. You want time, I can do that. I can do whatever you need but I’m not going to be another person that lets you down.” 

Somehow his hand was in Robert’s, lips pressed into his wrist so sweetly he felt the warmth of it even through his weariness. When their eyes met again Robert smiled, one that lit up his face, still beautiful in spite of the bruise already forming. 

Aaron wanted to believe him but he was smarter than that or at the very least was trying to be.

“Robert, I don’t want…” He didn’t know how to continue. He knew what he wanted but he also knew what life would let him have. “We don’t fit.”

“Now, who's the liar?”

Then Robert was backing away, taking everything with him as he walked out the door. Even though he was alone that knowing smile lingered in the room and in Aaron’s mind.

Maybe not so gone after all.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not going to lie, this chapter was a hard one to write but necessary. Am I entirely happy with it? No. But the fic wants what it wants.
> 
> Much love and adoration to you all.
> 
> (Also I updated this chapter on my phone so my apologies for any bizarre layout issues)


	17. Tea In The Sahara

Robert hadn’t felt like this in a long time, so long that he couldn’t place when he’d changed. Maybe when he drove away from the farm and left everything he knew in his rear view mirror. He’d spent years, mostly happy and grateful, but constantly worried he could rock the boat. Always afraid to make a misstep and lose everything he’d gained since coming to Whitby. In doing so he’d squashed a part of himself, the part that knew what he wanted and was willing to go for it. The one that said to hell with the rules and expectations. Maybe he’d made wrong choices in the past but he’d grown up. 

Now he knew who he was and what he wanted, and it was a scruffy mechanic who made his heart feel full enough to wage war. And he would until there was nothing left to fight for. He was tired of regrets and he wouldn’t let Aaron be another one. If in the end Robert didn’t get what he wanted at least he could say he gave it his all.

So he waited a few days, let them both breathe. He replayed their last kiss in his dreams, how Aaron opened up in a way that they both couldn’t deny. How after everything in each other’s arms was where they belonged, where they wanted to be. They both knew it even if Robert was the only one willing to admit it.

Robert would gladly take every punch Adam or anyone else decided to throw at him if he was standing beside Aaron in the end. Aaron was worth that,  _ they  _ were worth that.

His friends were wary but supportive. Ruby was a little put out when he asked them all to stay out of it for now. He was kind about it, told them their support and friendship meant the world to him. He’d proven that. He didn’t want to do this all on his own but he needed to do this his way.

“Our little boy, all grown up.” Clive’s eyes were twinkling when he said it. “But can we talk about what is in the water in Emmerdale? They grow them good out there.”

“Adam is dating my sister, let’s not make this messier than it needs to be.” Robert couldn’t imagine another knot in the tangle that was currently his life.

“Who’s talking about Adam? There was this scowly older bloke at the pub. Salt and pepper hair, delicious. Definitely straight but a man can dream.”

Robert simply laughed and hoped once his drama was over everyone could focus on finding Clive his Mr. Right. Preferably not one who was old enough to be his father.

In the end he waited five days, the bruise on his cheek fading nicely but the ache for Aaron deeper in his bones. He’d given him time, and yes Robert would wait but that didn’t mean he had to be idle.

With that he picked up his phone and made the first of two calls that put his plan into motion.

* * *

It hit Robert as he walked up the little path to the small cottage that in the three years his sister lived here he’d never been inside. He’d never even entered the small village she called home. On the rare occasions they got together it was always on neutral territory. He’d been afraid of letting Victoria get too close, of being seen once again as the villain.

He hoped it was time that finally changed.

She opened the door before he could knock, a soft smile on her face that radiated warmth. Maybe this time would actually be different.

“You’re early. You’re never early.” Vic’s teasing tone put more of his nerves at ease. 

“I find it smart to be prompt for apologies.” He shrugged his shoulders, unsure if he should move into the awkward hug that was their usual greeting.

“Well since my boyfriend gave you that bruise and he isn’t currently on a charge I think we’re even.” 

Robert surprised them both by laughing as she led him into her sitting room. It was small but comfortable, feminine in a way that reminded him of their mother. When Sarah Sugden had died his sister had been the only thing that kept the men banded together, for a while at least. He was glad that part of her was still alive and well, that she still made a house a home.

There was a teapot with mismatched mugs waiting for them, a plate of biscuits he had no doubt were from her own oven. She’d always loved to bake, even when she’d had to stand on a stool to do it.

They settled on her fluffy sofa and she poured him a cup exactly how he liked it. It made his heart twinged that she knew, especially when he realized he had no idea how she took hers. 

“I’m sorry.” It tumbled out of his mouth, words he’d wanted to say for longer than he could remember. “For leaving, for not staying in your life, for not being the brother you deserved. I wanted to, I did but I didn’t know how. I still don’t know how.”

He rubbed at his legs, watched his sister shakily put the teapot down. When she swiped at her eyes he hated himself.

“Robert, you have always been exactly the brother I wanted you to be.” She took a deep breath and leaned forward to put her hands over his. “I may have been young but I knew why you left and why you stayed away. I missed you but I understood.”

He turned his hands over and gripped her fingers tightly. 

“When Dad died I should have come for you, I should have done something.” He’d been such a mess then, but he could have been there for her somehow.

“I was okay, I am okay. All I ever wanted was to be your sister, not your responsibility.” 

The way she said it had him looking in her eyes, the sadness he saw there made him turn her words over in his mind. 

“You’re my little sister, of course you’re my responsibility.” He watched her frown and he tugged on her hands to bring her closer. Their knees bumped together and he wanted to swing his arm around her but thought better of it for now. “Vic, I know I’ve let you down but I’m here now.”

She freed her hands from his grasp and pulled back.

“That’s not what I want.” She was really crying now and Robert squeezed his eyes shut. He was messing this up but he didn’t understand how. “I don’t want to be an obligation.”

For a moment she was 10 again, skinned knee and missing their mother. Her tears maimed him then and they were no less powerful now. On instinct he wrapped her in his arms, her face pressed to his shoulder. He didn’t realize he was rocking her slightly until she let out a quiet sniffle and pressed deeper into him.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” He laid his cheek to her hair and wished he’d done this better. “I always wanted to be the brother you deserved but I never knew how.”

“Don’t be stupid. You’ve always been my favourite.” It was muffled into his shirt but he heard her loud and clear. “I thought you stayed away because you didn’t want the bother. Every time you saw me you were so cold and standoffish…”

“Because I knew you probably hated me just like Dad and Andy. I was always scared of doing it wrong and making it worse.” He felt a tear slip down his cheek, wished they’d had this conversation years ago. “I have always loved you so much.”

Vic snuggled closer, “I love you too and I never hated you. I just missed you.”

They stayed like that a while, letting the years melt away as their tea grew cold. They held each other until they were Rob and Vic again, the sarcastic older brother that adored his sister who thought he hung the moon.

* * *

When the tears dried they talked and reminisced, made lunch and laughed together. She was amazing, kind and generous. She loved her job as a chef, she wanted to do a cooking tour of Italy and teach her own children one day like their own mother had.

She’s grown up and he’d missed it all and then denied them both for too long. It proved to him once again that he wasn’t going to let his own fear of being hurt hold him back anymore.

They were washing up their dishes when he looked at the time. He’d been there for most of the day and hadn’t glanced at his phone once. He smirked when he thought of the message he knew would be waiting for him. He fought the urge to sneak a quick peak at it. 

_ One thing at a time, Sugden _ .

“Oh not that face, I remember that face.” Vic bumped him with her hip as she wiped down the counter. “Am I to believe this has something to do with Aaron?”

Somehow in all their time they’d not broached the subject of Robert’s love life. They’d discussed Adam in a vague way. They both knew some things needed to be taken slowly.

“I messed it up but I’m not letting him go. Not if there is a chance.” He hoped she wouldn’t try to put him off, he didn’t know how they would handle being at odds so soon.

He held his breath as she gazed at him, reading him in a way that reminded him of Diane.

“If he matters to you like he seems to then I say go for it. You have to chase your happiness right?” She patted his shoulder and turned the kettle on. “Adam said he got an earful from him over punching you, on top of the one he got from me.” 

“Look, about that...”

“He knows you’re here today and he knows how badly I want us to be close.” Her smile was radiant and Robert couldn’t believe it was because of him. “He said he’d apologize and let it go...could you…”

“Done. Water under the bridge. Ancient history.” He crossed his arms and puffed out his chest. He was ecstatic at the outcome but he still had a job to do. “That said, if he makes my sister cry…”

“Yeah yeah.” She rolled her eyes at him but a frown darkened her face.

“Vic, I’m joking. Sorta.”

“No it’s not that. I was just thinking about mixing our lives finally and your friends, mostly Diane. I am certain she hates me.” Vic busied herself with pouring them both a brew while Robert wracked his brain trying to imagine how she could possibly know that.

“I don’t understand.” Over the years during their brief meetups he’d spoken about his mates, generically of course, but still it didn’t make sense. He’d kept her so separate from every aspect of his life.

Vic gave him a soft smile and sighed.

“Well I owe you an apology as well.” 

She handed him his tea and led him back to the sofa. She curled up, holding her cup like a shield.

“A few years ago Diane phoned me and invited me to a surprise birthday party they were throwing you.”

“Oh.”

He remembered that one, five years on now. They’d decorated their regular booth at the pub and made him wear a ridiculous hat. It had been a good day.

“I said yes, fretted over what to wear and what to get you as a present. But when I walked in and saw you there with your friends…” Vic waved at her face, tears starting up again. “You looked so happy, laughing like how I remembered you used to. I thought about how you were with me and figured you wouldn’t want me there so I left.”

“Vic, of course I would have wanted you there.” If only he’d seen her maybe things between them could have been different sooner. But would he have been happy back then? Or would he have shut down like he normally had in her presence?

“She’s invited me every year you know. I’ve always made an excuse. I’d hate me too.” 

Robert reached out to snag her chin and give it a wiggle, mostly to see if it would still make her laugh. He was delighted when it did.

“Well that is the past. I’ll talk to Diane. You know you two are a lot alike, you’ll be ganging up on me in no time.” He could see it and it made him miserable and giddy at the same time. “It’ll be good. Trust me.”

He’d make sure of it. 

* * *

It had been a great day, emotional but more weight had lifted off his shoulders as each minute passed. When they hugged goodbye they promised to see each other more, a lot more. He was pretty certain that his plans for a future with Aaron would work out but in case things went sour he wanted to make sure he and Vic were on solid ground. He was cleaning up the mess, he didn’t want to make another one in the process.

Once in his car he pulled out his phone and checked his messages. Other than a few things from the group chat and a text from Clive asking if he wanted to grab dinner the next day there was nothing else. More importantly no word from Aaron. He opened his email quickly but there was no luck there either.

He was certain they’d been delivered, he’d been specific when he placed his order and paid a hefty sum for that confidence. It wasn’t a waste, but it just meant he’d have to up his game.

He spent the drive home planning his next steps, sure that he hadn’t misjudged his first move. He knew Aaron would be stubborn, he had barriers that he’d put up that left Robert firmly on the other side. He’d been lucky to get as close as he had in the beginning and he was paying the price for his actions. He got that. It didn’t mean it didn’t hurt a little. Or a lot.

Robert ended his night on the sofa, a glass of red in his hand and debating whether he should call Diane to explain how today went. Or calling Clive to get inspiration. Maybe ringing Ruby and letting her boost him up a little. But it was late enough that doing so would be selfish on his part and he wasn’t that person anymore.

Instead he decided on sleep, or at the very least attempting it when his phone lit up in his hands and the name he was waiting for crossed his screen. He couldn’t answer fast enough.

“Aaron?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone but Robert wasn’t about to give up.

“Aaron, are you there?”

He heard a deep groan and a shiver ran up his back.

“Why did you answer?” Aaron’s words were slightly slurred, and Robert hoped he wasn’t the reason for it. “You weren’t supposed to answer. I was going to leave a message. I wanted to leave a message.”

“Are you drunk?” 

Robert realized instantly he shouldn’t have said that as Aaron got immediately on the defensive.

“I’ve had a few beers but I’m not bladdered. I’ve had a day...and you did that and you can’t ...why am I talking to you? I’m hanging up now.” 

“No don't.” Robert sat up from his sprawl on the couch, wine sloshing on his shirt. “You wanted to tell me something.”

“I wanted to tell your voicemail something.” Aaron sounded like he was pouting and drunker than he let on. Robert wanted to crawl through the phone and wrap him up tight. He’d done this, but he knew it was necessary. They had to get back to each other, they needed to.

“What if you pretend you got my voicemail? Say what you want to say and I’ll just listen.” Robert shut his eyes and hoped Aaron would give in. “Please.”

“You won’t talk?”

“I promise.”

A soft hum came through the receiver and then a soft, “Okay.”

It was silent for a while, Robert scared Aaron had dropped the phone or fallen asleep. His chest clenched when the rasp of Aaron’s voice came through and he held his breath.

“It’s Aaron. Okay you know that. This is dumb but...flowers? You sent me flowers? To my work? You’re lucky no one else was around, I had to smuggle them home while no one was looking. They’re huge and it’s ridiculous. Who does that? No one has ever gotten me flowers before, like what do I do with them?”

Robert smiled into the phone and listened to Aaron’s deep sigh which sounded more frustrated than he would have preferred.

“You can’t do this Robert, you can’t send me poncey roses that smell like vanilla. How did you do that by the way? How is that a thing? Whatever...you just...you can’t send me things and say you miss me. You can’t write soft words in a card and expect me to forget. ‘I want to tell you everything.’ What does that mean? You could have before. You should have and it’s too late now.”

Robert frowned, not so much at the words but how hurt and confused Aaron sounded. He steeled himself again. He had known this would be difficult but hurting Aaron more wasn’t what he wanted. Robert would make it worthwhile for both of them in the end. He knew he would. He’d spend as long as it took to give Aaron everything he wanted, to make up for all of it.

Another deep sigh followed more silence, Robert unsure what to do next.

“You’re not supposed to fight for me. It’s not fair.”

With those words said Aaron ended the call and Robert ached with how much he missed him, missed  _ them.  _ He deserved it, he’d been the one who’d hurt them both but that just made it so much harder.

Tomorrow he’d keep moving forward but tonight he’d wear the mistakes he’d made and hope he’d get the chance to explain, to make Aaron understand. Tomorrow he’d be able to see that his plan was working, Aaron wouldn't have called if Robert wasn’t getting through to him. It proved he still cared, whether he wanted to or not.

Tomorrow he’d start phase two, dig up the confidence and bravado he’d need to keep going. But tomorrow was then and after everything today had brought he was wrung out. Tonight he didn’t have too much of the old Robert left. 

So with tomorrow on the horizon he crawled into bed, stared at the empty spot where Aaron should be and hoped his heart would hold out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait for this chapter. Life has thrown some hard things my way as of late which hasn't inspired a lot of...well inspiration. But writing is always a good escape so this chapter was cathartic in a way. If it's any good remains to be seen. I was very lax in the editing so again, sorry about that. The fic and I did our best!
> 
> I hope you are all well and staying safe.


	18. The Other Way Of Stopping

* * *

Aaron woke up with a dry throat and a banging head, both of his own making. He groaned as he opened his eyes, grateful that the night before he’d been smart enough to leave water and something for the pain on his bedside table. His stomach rolled as he reached for them and swallowed the pills with a shudder. That done he laid back down with a sigh and hoped he’d be able to sleep the rest of it off. He started to slip back under, the smell of something sweet calming his nerves.

His eyes opened wide as he sat up quickly, so quickly he nearly plummeted out of his bed and onto the floor. The tall mass of white roses that reeked of freshly baked cookies mocked him from the other side of the room. 

That hadn’t been a dream then. 

He flopped back down and shut out everything with an arm thrown over his face. The day before had been an okay one, a calm after the storm of Robert and his band of warriors barging back into his life. He’d had it out with Adam, who refused to regret his decision to use brute force. It wasn’t until Vic gave him a set down for resorting to violence that he apologized if he’d made things more complicated. Aaron was pretty certain that wasn’t possible at this point but it was over and done with now. 

He’d actually believed Robert had given up after days of no contact. It was easy to say they weren’t finished when moments before they’d been pressed together in a kiss Aaron couldn’t bring himself to regret. No doubt once Robert had been back in Whitby and realized the chaos they created he’d let it go. Which had been what Aaron had wanted from the start.

Right? Definitely. Time to move on.

The main problem was it had been easier when Aaron had been angry with Robert. No, not angry, he’d been livid laced in with disappointed and hurt. The anger was gone, but everything else remained only now with an added dose of complete confusion mixed in.

What was Robert playing at? 

That was the question he’d pondered to himself, silently of course. Adam still watched too closely and he’d never admit to his best mate that in the end he just wanted to understand. Something wasn’t sitting right, especially not after Robert had sat there and said…

He refused to fall again into the trap of honeyed words and touches that never failed to light him on fire. Aaron’s head was all over the place again and he resented it. Robert had done nothing but spin him in a tornado of feelings he didn’t want and possibilities that he’d foolishly let himself imagine.

He was working his way through it, missing someone who hadn’t really existed and pretending that was somehow normal. Could you mourn a figment of your imagination? Either way that was all Robert had been. So Aaron continued to dig Robert out of the myriad of places buried deep inside, and lied to himself that each day got easier. 

Then he’d been presented the most ridiculous pile of flowers he’d ever seen, delivered by a young woman in a smart uniform with a knowing smile plastered to her face. He’d grumbled and signed for them, his name unavoidable in black ink that stood out in the endless sea of white. He’d immediately raced from the garage, sprinted to his room and shut it away to deal with later. Thankfully he was back to work before Cain showed up, and later that night he was four beers deep before he let himself enter his bedroom again.

When he’d opened the door the smell of vanilla was just shy of too much. It made Aaron remember soft touches and whispered secrets, it made him ache. He hated that his hands had a slight tremble to them when he plucked the card and finally braved opening it. The words were just another punch to the gut.

_I miss you. I want to tell you everything and then give you even more. Please let me._

There was no name but Robert knew he didn’t need one, not for something as personal and obvious as this. Aaron slammed back downstairs and drank more, the card spinning in his fingers over and over again. He was glad Adam was with Vic for the night. In his current state he would no doubt spill out everything he was feeling and how much he wanted to give in.

It would be all too easy to succumb to Robert and he would do so willingly if he let himself. For some reason those eyes he couldn’t get out of his head were his undoing.

The anger and hurt bubbled up again, he hated feeling weak and vulnerable in a way foreign from any other time before in his life. The last thing he could recall was seeing it was well past midnight and wanting to give Robert a piece of his mind

_No...no no no._

Aaron scrambled to find his phone, praying he was wrong. He found his mobile down between his mattress and the wall, just enough battery life to confirm his worst fears. He’d called Robert and it had lasted for over six minutes.

He pulled his pillow over his face and let himself remember everything. How his stomach had flipped when Robert said his name in a hopeful way. How he’d basically begged Aaron to give him something to hold onto.

_It’s not fair._

He could feel the shame burning his cheeks, embarrassment creep up his neck. He’d given Robert too much, let him know that he was getting to him. Aaron had shown his hand.

At least he’d been honest. What Robert was doing wasn’t fair, he didn’t get to keep changing his mind. He didn’t get to make Aaron doubt his own wants. The only hope he had was that he’d gotten through and it was finally over.   
  


* * *

  
It wasn’t over.

The next day he’d been lounging on the sofa, lost in a violent video game that let out his frustrations when there was a knock on the door. He didn’t think anything of it, figured it was his mum or some other Dingle wanting his help with Lord knows what. Instead he got a teenager who didn’t look old enough to drive with a bored look on his face and a large gift bag in his hand.

“Aaron Dingle?”

He’d barely been able to nod when it was shoved into his hands and he was left to deal with the mass of tissue paper in his face. Robert clearly didn’t do things in half measures.

Inside was an envelope that he set aside in favour of unwrapping his gift. He was weirdly excited and he told himself he could be pissed off at himself later. Rolled up inside was a soft grey knitted blanket, identical to the one that had been thrown over the back of Robert’s sofa. The same one they’d pulled over themselves as they kissed and held each other that day in his flat. Hours of just teasing each other and smiling into each other’s mouths. The wool was as soft against his fingers as he remembered.

This gift surprised him. The roses had seemed almost cliche, even with their unique fragrance. This was more intimate, it almost had Aaron believing that day had been as memorable for Robert as it had been for him.

He finally opened the card, plain white with the words _To Keep You Warm_ in swirly letters. The inside was hand written, bold penmanship that screamed of Robert’s confidence.

_It was one of the best days of my life and that was all down to you. If you give me a chance we can make more memories like that, each one better than the last._

_God how I miss you._

_Robert_

He threw the blanket into the back of his closet but nestled the card alongside the other at the bottom of his sock drawer. He was proud of himself when he didn’t give into texting Robert, even though he picked up his phone to do so more times than he dared count.

* * *

Two days later was finally the long awaited dinner with Vic and Adam was a ball of terrified energy.

“Mate, it’s going to be fine. I’m sure I’ll like her.” To be honest if she was anything like her brother they’d probably get on like a house on fire. He tucked that thought away as he smiled at his mum behind the bar. She blew him a kiss and he fondly rolled his eyes at her. “It’s a meal at the Woolpack, not tea with the bloody queen.”

Adam took a large gulp of his pint, opened his mouth to say something but stopped when a woman walked through the door. Aaron watched yhis mate’s face transform. Gone were his nerves, instead his face lit up and a smile spread slowly as he shuffled out of their booth.

Aaron watched Vic approach, he had no doubt it was her. Her brother and her had the same eyes, the same tilt to their chin. Her features were soft where Robert’s were sharp. She was short but had a clear spunkiness to her walk that he liked instantly. He liked how she looked at his friend even more.

She stood up on her toes to press a kiss to Adam’s cheek as she whispered something that made the man blush. They just gazed at each other and Aaron suddenly felt like he was intruding. Just then Vic turned to him with a look of trepidation in her eyes as she nudged Adam with her elbow.

“Sorry, yeah. Babe, this is Aaron, the other love of my life.” 

Adam had his dopey grin in place and Vic gave a small wave, clearly unsure of the reaction she’d get. He instantly wanted to put her at ease. He was worried too. Adam was head over heels and he desperately wanted them all to get along. Aaron was all too aware of that. He told himself it was only because of his best mate that he wanted to make a good impression and not because she was also Robert’s sister.

He offered up his most sincere smile and then raised his eyebrow at Adam.

“There is no way this is Victoria.”

Adam’s face fell and Vic’s eyes widened.

“I mean mate, she is clearly way out of your league.” He winked at her. “How much is he paying you? You can tell me.” 

Her burst of laughter washed over him and he felt the tension bleed out of them all. Aaron didn’t miss the grateful look Adam shot his way as they settled into the booth across from him. They made small talk when Marlon came to take their order, his cousin excited to talk food when Adam shared Vic was a chef as well. 

When they’d finally settled in, drinks all around as they waited for their meals Aaron watched Adam throw his arm around his girl. He noticed how she nestled closer as her cheeks rosied and her smile deepened.

Yeah, they would get along just fine.

“So has Adam told you about the time he got chased by a cow and fell face first in a pile of manure?”

* * *

It went well, better than Aaron could have hoped it would go. She fit in well with their dynamic, happy to join in the teasing, a sarcastic nature that he hadn’t expected. Overall she was loving, it was obvious in the way she touched Adam, always discreetly but as if she couldn’t help herself. It reminded him of Robert and his constant affection. He ignored the pang in his chest everytime it caught his eye.

As the night wound down Adam excused himself to go use the loo and pay their tab, leaving them alone for the first time. Aaron stared into his pint glass and debated having another at the bar to put in some face time with his mum once the happy couple left. Then Vic let out something that sounded halfway between a cough and a sigh, and Aaron knew instantly what was about to happen. He leaned back in the booth and met apologetic eyes.

“Aaron, I just want to say how much I appreciate you being so welcoming to me given everything that’s gone on.” 

He shrugged it off, grumbled something about it not being a big deal. He looked towards the bogs wishing Adam would hurry it up and save him.

“That said I need to say one thing to you, because like it or not he’s my brother.”

“Umm…” Aaron closed his eyes, tried to shield himself from one more person getting into his damn relationships. Or lack thereof. “I don’t know if…”

“Please, it’s important. Then I’ll never bring it up again. I promise.”

He looked at her and lost the fight against the pleading on her face. He rubbed at his beard but nodded for her to continue.

“Robert’s been through a lot and he’s made mistakes, no one knows that better than me. But I know him and everything he’s ever done has been to protect himself from being hurt.” Vic tilted her head at him to punctuate the point. “I know that doesn’t make it right and it doesn’t mean he deserves forgiveness. But it also doesn’t make him a bad person.”

She reminded him so much of Robert in that moment, her conviction for someone she loved admirable. He couldn’t fault her but that didn’t mean he wanted to hear what she was actually saying.

_Let him explain._

Aaron didn’t get a chance to reply, Adam suddenly there filled with good cheer and asking Vic if she was ready to go. They were heading back to her village for the evening and it gave Aaron pause that they never stayed the night together in Emmerdale.

He pushed himself to his feet and let Adam wrap him in a tight hug. Vic rocked back on her heels, no doubt even more unsure after she’d just pleaded her brother’s case. But Aaron genuinely liked her so he opened his arms slightly and she happily gave him a quick but sincere embrace.

“Thanks, mate. See you tomorrow.” Adam had already slipped his hand into Vic’s and it shocked Aaron slightly. It had taken all night but he got it now. They were a unit, you would no longer get one without the other. The thought didn’t bother him in the slightest.

“Yeah, well Vic you’re welcome at our place anytime. It’d be nice to see something other than his ugly mug around the place.” 

You’d have thought Aaron had just offered the couple a million pounds. He had no doubt he’d be stepping over heels in the entryway any day now.

“Thanks, Aaron. Maybe I could cook us all dinner sometime next week?” She patted Adam’s stomach. “It’d be nice to get an honest opinion on some new recipes I’ve developed.”

“I’ve told you Babe, everything you make is good.”

“As long as it isn’t raw I’ll probably enjoy it.” Aaron laughed when Vic rolled her eyes. “But that’d be nice, yeah.”

With that Adam pulled Vic out the door. Aaron looked at his half finished pint and decided he’d rather just have an early night. Whether he liked it or not Robert’s sister had given him something else to think about. At this point he needed to stop ignoring it and really figure out what he was going to do.

Thankfully his mum was busy at the taps so he was able to escape with a wave and made the short trek to his front door. He shoulders slumped when he took in the brown box tied with twine laying on their front mat, a small white card flat on top.

Tonight was a full Sugden assault and he was starting to think he was losing the battle. He picked up the newest gift, surprised at how light it felt. He placed it gently on his kitchen table, the card abandoned to the side for now. When he lifted the lid his eyes stung with tears.

Six chocolate pastries, the same ones Robert had brought on their first, and only official date. He pushed them away. Aaron knew they would be delicious but it would be just like kissing those lips all over again and that was something he couldn’t face just yet.

Instead he opened the card, this one with just a simple drawing of a fridge, not unlike the one beside Aaron in the kitchen. Again he knew what Robert was saying, and this time it made him smile. Inside was a single typed word that said it all.

_Please._

Aaron got a can out of the fridge, snagged the box off the table and took the lot up to his room. He placed his newest card with the others and took his time getting ready for bed. He lifted back his covers and stopped himself. He glanced at the flowers, starting to wilt now since he had no idea how to make them last. 

And there was his answer or at least part of it. He didn’t want the flowers to die, but he didn’t know how to keep them blooming. 

With a sigh he went to his closet and pulled out the blanket he’d stuffed behind his old football kit. He shook it out and spread it over his bed before climbing underneath it, sitting with his back against his headboard.

He reached for his phone, stared at it for a while, and debated if what he was about to do was the right thing. Not just for himself but for Robert and everyone else that was mixed up in everything. 

It came down to the same thing as always, Aaron just wanted to understand. But you couldn’t have questions if you didn’t want the answers. He pressed the button before he lost his nerve. He didn’t have to wait long.

“Aaron, I’m so glad you called.” Robert’s voice was so gentle and for the first time in a long time he actually believed him.

He took a deep breath and looked over at the dying flowers across his room, pulled the wool blanket up to his chin like a wall against everything he was feeling.

“Okay Sugden, you wanted to talk...so talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you’re on a roll you just ride it out. For some reason this one just poured out and I am grateful. Thank you to everyone being so kind. I’m trucking along. The fic and I love you madly.


	19. Can't Stand Losing You

Robert had been pretty close to his breaking point before his phone rang. He knew it would be difficult, the waiting and wishing. The flowers had been the big gesture, but he had counted on his bravado to see him through. After Aaron’s drunken call he doubted himself a little, wondered if he was doing them both more harm than good.

The blanket had been a burst of inspiration and thankfully he was able to find a duplicate at the small shop where he’d bought his own months before. He hoped this time hand written words would reach in a way nothing else had. He needed to remind Aaron what they’d shared in their short time together. They’d both been happy then, of that much Robert was certain.

When Vic had called, nerves frayed about finally meeting her boyfriend’s best mate, well he'd been jealous. She would get to spend the evening being charmed by Aaron, because under it all that’s what he was. Endearing and gentle, sarcasm that made you laugh deep from your chest. She would get to see him, Robert’s eyes and heart were hungry for the same opportunity.

It was with the weight of it all that he’d sat at his desk and scrawled the simple fridge, black lines that to anyone else would mean nothing. If this didn’t get him somewhere he wasn’t sure what else he could do. He’d gone to the bakery and picked each pastry with care through the glass. No doubt the shop girl thought him strange but if this was his last hurrah it needed to be perfect. 

He’d driven to Emmerdale, timed it as he knew when Vic and Adam would be meeting with Aaron at the pub. It was a risk, he might be seen and could possibly ruin his sister’s chances for a peaceful introduction. It didn’t stop him, nothing seemed to when it came to the man he’d finally accepted he was in love with.

With that thought running over and over again making his head pound and his stomach sick he’d written the only thing he had left to say in the card and placed everything carefully on the doorstep.

_Please._

The drive back to Whiby was a blur, Robert so lost in his own thoughts he was slightly alarmed when his flat came into view. He watched the clock for the rest of the evening trying to gauge at what point Aaron would be home. He almost texted Vic, used a ruse of being concerned how the evening was going. It had no worries honestly, he knew it would go well. Vic wanted to impress and Aaron no doubt wanted to prove Robert meant nothing to him. So far he’d done a pretty fair job of it.

At one point his phone chirped at him and his heart stopped beating. It was only Ruby checking in on how life was. With the summer in full swing and a newborn to look after his mates were pretty busy. They were getting together the following weekend, a dinner at Clive’s where Robert would be expected to spill all that had gone on so far. He prayed he’d have something worthwhile to say to them.

He eventually laid in bed, stared at his phone and willed it to do something, anything. When it finally rang he raised his eyes to the heavens and said a silent thank you.

The problem was that now that Aaron wanted to listen, Robert's tongue had turned lead. He’d spent all his time focused on getting a chance that he never believed would come to fruition. His confidence plummeted and his hands started to shake.

“Robert, I don’t have all night.”

Aaron’s frustration was palpable, he’d need to make this count. Finally his mouth listened to his brain.

“How are you?”

“That all depends on how this explanation goes.” Aaron was cutting to the quick and Robert could admit it stung. He was sure it wouldn’t be the first blow he’d be on the receiving end of before the night was over.

“That’s...understandable.” 

A sigh rang loud in his ears, another warning sign that he needed to get this right.

“Okay...so I told you I didn’t have a good relationship with my father but I never said why. The thing is...”

And it all came tumbling out, once he started he couldn’t stop. Aaron didn’t say anything, the occasional hum of acknowledgement or sharp intake of breath. Robert just kept laying himself bare, offering up every shameful secret on a platter for Aaron to pick through. When he got near the end he was strung out, exhausted and raw. Tears started to fall and he attempted to muffle the sniffle or two that came out.

“Rob…” Aaron’s voice was soft and Robert had to stop himself from taking it to mean something it probably didn’t.

“So that’s why I ended things. I thought for sure I would lose you, and them and I couldn’t do it. They’re my family, Aaron.”

“You should have believed in them more.” Aaron was right, Robert should have had more faith in his mates. 

“I should have believed in you too.” 

“I get it, I did nothing but lie the first time we met.”

“That’s not what I meant.” He didn’t fault Aaron for his deception, not after he knew the full story. He just needed history to repeat itself in his favour this time.

“Maybe you were right...when you ended things.” Robert had no idea which part Aaron could possibly mean. “It was too fast, it was too messy.”

“No, it was perfect and then I wrecked it.” No matter how this conversation ended he needed Aaron to know he wasn’t to blame. He had to achieve that if nothing else. “I’ve never felt for anyone the way I feel about you.”

Everything hung still around him, the expanse of seconds thickened the space between them. Robert had never been a patient man and it was torture.

“Robert, I don’t know what to say to that.” Aaron sounded small and so far away, as if he was fading out and leaving only fragments behind. “I just…”

The silence was unbearable now. It was clear to him that Aaron wanted to let him down easy. Robert could keep reaching out but not if there was nothing left to grasp.

“Okay.” He squeezed his eyes shut. 

“Okay?” Aaron sounded as bewildered as Robert felt. “What does that mean?”

“I don’t know, what do you want it to mean?”

“So it’s on me is it?”

Robert crumpled, because how many times could he say he was sorry? He couldn’t make the decision for Aaron, but he needed him to actually make one.

“Aaron, you know what I want. You know how I feel, I’ve made it very clear. The question is what do you want.”

He waited, and waited. More silence was the answer he’d expected. He just hadn’t planned on how much it would hurt.

“Right. I under…”

“Just shut up, Robert. You don’t get to demand anything from me. What do I want? What I want is to not be in this situation. What I want is to not second guess everything you said and every moment we spent together. I want to stop missing you so goddamn much.”

“I miss you too. You know I do.” 

_Please. Please. Please._

“I need...give me some time okay. Just...to get my head sorted.” Aaron sounded as wrecked and rung out as Robert felt. “I need to go.”

And then he was gone and Robert was left to wait all over again.

* * *

“No, this is good.” Ruby nudged Jessica with her elbow. “Babe, don’t you think it’s good?”

“That Aaron didn’t tear him to shreds and then spit on his grave? Yeah, could be worse.” Normally Robert appreciated Jessica’s deadpan delivery but tonight it grated on his nerves.

Clive choked on his wine, sputtering into his hand as he tried to contain his laughter. Robert couldn’t do more than glare at him.

“Oh come on mate, she’s right. All things considered you’re better off than any of us expected.” Clive shot Jessica a knowing wink across the table. “Oh wait did you want us to lie to you?”

Robert leaned his head back against the booth and groaned.

“Righto. Well chap, I do believe you shall come out on top. You know, like all good tops do.”

“Clive!”

“Ruby darling, everyone knows Robert is a…”

He kicked his foot hard under the table and enjoyed the surprised yelp Clive let out. His mate was just lucky they were side by side so Robert wasn’t able to get enough power behind it.

“They’re just trying to make you smile.” Ruby offered him a sad look, one that reminded him of lost puppies and carved cherubs. “It will be okay. I promise.”

“I don’t know. It could have gone worse obviously but it could have gone a hell of a lot better.” 

It had been less than 48 hours and Robert was...he didn’t have a word for it. He felt like he was constantly bracing himself for impact. He needed to know, but not if it wasn’t the answer he wanted. His mind darted from confidant to petrified to numb over and over again. The only thought that gave him any peace was knowing it was no less than he deserved.

“Aww...Diane sent a new photo of Amelia.” Ruby flashed her phone for everyone to see. The baby was a blur of yellow blankets and something pink on her head. 

“I still can’t believe they’re parents.” The happy sigh Ruby let out was dreamy. The enraptured look her girlfriend gave her made Robert sit up straight and quickly glance Clive’s way. Their gazes locked and the same thought passed between them.

The rest of the evening went smooth enough. His friends didn’t bring up Aaron again and he was grateful. There had been maybe 20 whole minutes when Robert hadn’t thought about him, a record since they met less than six weeks ago.

Had it really only been that long?

Robert and Clive walked home together in comfortable silence. They shared smirks at the occasional drunk tourist that stumbled by but beyond that didn’t have much to say. They were almost at Clive’s flat when his mate let out a wistful sigh like Robert had never heard from him before.

“I think Jess is going to propose soon.” 

“Yeah.”

“Which is amazing, obviously. I love a big gay wedding.” Clive snorted at his own joke. “But then…”

“Yeah.” 

Robert felt it too. Things were changing, like all things are want to do. It was clear tonight, empty spots at the table where Diane and John should be. Soon it wouldn’t be nights at the pub or weekends away spent over bottles of wine. It would be family gatherings and play dates and…

“It was bound to happen eventually.” Clive shrugged and pulled his keys out of his pocket. “You’ll be shacked up with Aaron soon enough and then it’ll just be me, bachelor Uncle Clive with a fabulous wardrobe and nothing else.”

Robert put his hand out to stop Clive in his tracks.

“You don’t seriously think that do you?”

“Well…” Robert watched his friend shrug his shoulders, his regular bravado gone.

“Mate, you could literally have any man you wanted. You just haven’t found the one you actually want to keep yet, but it’ll happen.” 

“You sure?” 

Robert felt like a right bastard, he’d been so wrapped up in his own shit with everything changing around them. Not to mention Aaron and the mess he’d made. In it all he’d missed that he wasn’t the only one on his own going through the same thing.

So he pulled him into a fierce hug, squeezed him tight and chuckled as Clive tried to push him off.

“How many times do I have to tell you Robert, it’ll never work. You’re just not my type.”

He laughed and refused to let go.

“I love you, mate.”

Clive stopped resisting and huffed, finally bringing his arms up to hug Robert back.

“Love you too.”

They stayed like that a few moments longer until Clive wiggled out of his hold.

“Okay, we’re going to pretend the last five minutes didn’t happen. Emotions are beneath us both.” Clive smiled deeply. “I need my beauty sleep, I have a date tomorrow.”

“Of course you do.”

Robert watched Clive unlock his door and give a salute before heading towards home himself. Then without thinking about it he changed course, his feet taking him in direction of the beach. The louder the waves got the more at peace he started to feel. 

He made sure to be far from the spot where he and Aaron had slept, almost as if the sand there could swallow him whole. Even with the myriad of memories he’d had on the shore it was still the place where he felt the most at peace. He remembered reading once about the crash of the water releasing ions into the air that did something to calm people. Robert imagined science was right but he was more fanciful than that. For him it was a reminder that there was so much more out there than his own troubles or concerns. A while other world that he would never be a part of deep below.

One that Aaron had almost been a part of. He would have been lost to Robert and he wouldn’t even have known what he was missing.

He walked to the edge of the shore and breathed in the deep salty air that cleared the last bit of alcohol from his mind. The moon was just bright enough to illuminate the ripples and power of the sea as it kept its secrets.

This beach had given him a home, probably the first one he’d had since his mother died. This beach had given him Aaron, once as a mystery and then again as a possibility. Robert waited for another answer, another _something_ to get his life back on track.

For all the questions Robert had this time he was offered no answers. He hung his head and tried to find a way to accept that it was really over. Instead he thought about what else Aaron had brought into his life. His mates knew the truth and now he had no more secrets from them, even if he’d been unaware they weren’t hidden. He had his sister back and they were heading towards a real relationship. He’d hold onto that, he’d make it a priority. They both deserved it.

Mostly Aaron taught him that he’d been right all this time. Even if they didn’t find their way back to each other, his fingers curled into a fist at the thought, well at least he knew it existed. Yes he was as _soft_ as Jack Sugden believed him to be. It hadn’t been beaten out of him. It was who he was and it was who he wanted to be. 

Meeting Aaron and falling for him was almost like permission. He could have his fanciful dreams because they could come true, you could really have it all. Maybe you couldn’t keep it but maybe a taste would be enough.

Robert reached down in the sand for a rock to throw into the waves, a way to work out the torrent of emotions that never seemed to leave. One rock became two, then three until he lost count and his shoulder burned. But he didn’t stop, couldn’t really. Letting go of the last one would be letting go of that dream, letting go of Aaron at last.

He bent down, his knees starting to ache. It reminded him of his age, as if 31 was suddenly 60, as if he was out of time. His fingers closed around something flat and smooth, not a rock but a piece of glass made soft by sand and sea. He stared at it in his hand, he could tell even in the low light it was clear. Proof that the world could change you, erase your hard brittle edges into harmless rounded corners.

He rubbed his thumb over the glass as weariness seeped through his bones. Maybe he’d actually sleep deep tonight. He slowly trudged back home, the comforting sounds of the ocean slipping further and further away. 

When his porch came into view he stopped suddenly, shook his head to make sure it wasn’t a figment of his imagine. That he wasn’t already asleep.

Sitting with his knees up and back against his front door was a figure, one Robert knew the feel of against his skin. The soft entry light lit him in an almost angelic halo, a sharp contrast to the slumped shoulders and down turn of his head.

“Aaron?” 

The evening was so quiet his voice seemed to echo in the night, or maybe just in his mind. He watched Aaron’s head whip up, the shadows falling across his face that reminded Robert of watching him sleep in the moonlight. He jogged towards him as Aaron jumped to his feet, a little unsteady like he’d been sitting too long and his legs were stiff. 

Then they were standing close, the urge to just reach out and touch overwhelming. Aaron must have felt it too, he swayed towards Robert and then back again. He seemed shy and uncertain, vulnerable.

“Hey.” They said it at the same time, and Robert had no doubt the grin on his matched the one beaming at him below bright blue eyes.

“Green, but not.” Aaron’s hand went up to Robert’s cheek, the warmth seeped through his skin and almost brought tears to his eyes.

“What?” He searched Aaron’s face, confused but happily so.

Aaron just shook his head with a smile, sliding his fingers in Robert’s hair. A slight tug was the only warning he had before lips were against his own and the wait finally ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think there will be two, possibly three more chapters after this. Once I know for sure I promise to update the fic description.
> 
> Hope you're all doing well and staying safe. The fic and I love you.
> 
> Just an FYI that there are some things going on so there is a chance there might be a little bit before the next couple of chapters. Its a bit touch and go right now. I promise I wont abandon and I apologize for any wait. I'll do my best!


	20. A Kind Of Loving

Aaron wasn’t a planner, not really. His plans always fell apart and if he was lucky they came out patchwork in the end. With Robert there had never been a plan, a maybe and a hope but no linear path to follow. A thought about parallel lines and their shared direction flashed briefly in his mind as Robert pressed him into the front door. Then there was no space for thinking left between them. Even with everything he was feeling, want and contentment and _need_ he couldn’t stop smiling into every kiss. Robert had never been part of his plan, so it was a damn good thing Aaron had never made one.

The touch of Robert’s hand was searing heat when it slipped under the back of Aaron’s shirt, making him shiver and gasp for breath. He mourned the loss of Robert’s mouth, until it was pressed to the skin of his neck. They held on tightly, an embrace that settled the torrent of emotions he’d been lost in all day. Aaron had never expected to have this, let alone losing it and then being allowed to feel it again. 

He shivered once more even though the air was warm and Robert was seeping into him. It was small increments of them knitting back together. He knew they both felt it, the tension loosened under his fingertips. Firm muscle pliant and safe in his arms.

“You’re here.” Robert’s face was too close for Aaron to make out. He closed his eyes instead, reveled in the simple slide of lips against his forehead, the press of a nose into his cheek. He memorized the moment. His doubt had left him the minute he’d seen Robert standing there looking awestruck at Aaron’s mere existence on his front steps. He felt so light without the weight of it around his neck, as if he would float away without Robert wrapped around him.

_Maybe they shouldn’t call it falling._

“I’m here.” Aaron finally pulled away enough to see Robert clearly. The sparkle of indescribable colour settled the last of his nerves. “And I brought you something.”

Robert’s smile was blinding and briefly Aaron worried about his choice. Every gift that he’d received had been steeped in symbolism or a memory of their time together. Maybe he hadn’t done this right. Then again he’d banged on David’s door well past closing and offered up two free oil changes to just get the damn thing. Now it seemed uninspired, once again not worthy of what he wanted it to say

Aaron looked down at the paper bag by their feet as Robert glanced over and stepped back. Suddenly shy he crouched down, offered up the crinkled bag he’d spent hours clutching as he waited for Robert to get home. He’d pressed the fear of his final decision and possible rejection into every once smooth spot.

Aaron all but shoved it into Robert’s chest, grateful that they both laughed quietly together. He was not alone in being afraid of what was held inside. He watched long fingers uncurl the top, the telltale waft of vanilla that would always make Aaron think of _them_ overtook the air.

He barely had time to register Robert’s reaction, or where the candle even ended up before he was pulled in again. This time they both smiled when their lips met.

Eventually Aaron shivers against him made Robert shuffle him inside. They didn’t say anything, instead glanced at each other with childlike glee, they were both bad at hiding. It was a sensation only Robert had ever given him, no one else had ever made his chest expand to the point of bursting.

He knew there was so much he should share, answers to questions Robert was probably too afraid to ask. But they were both exhausted, Aaron could feel it radiating off of them. 

“Umm…” Robert who finally broke their silence. “Are you hungry? Do you want a drink?”

Aaron shook his head as he wearily toed out of his shoes.

“Can we just sleep?” 

“Oh...yeah of course. I can sleep on the sofa, I’ll give you my…” 

Aaron wasn’t having any of that, he didn’t want them dancing around each other. He wanted them back. Not-entirely-green eyes widened when Aaron grabbed his hand and linked their fingers together.

“I’m here.” He hoped it would be enough, he didn’t have the energy for more.

Robert squinted in a way that somehow made him more handsome than Aaron ever remembered him being. For a second he forgot how to breathe.

“Yeah.” Robert tugged on his hand to lead him to the bedroom. “You’re here.”

The light from the hall was all they had as they undressed, Aaron standing in his boxer briefs at the side of the bed. Robert seemed to take his lead, pulling back the covers and sliding in with him. The minute the cool sheets touched his skin he almost wanted to cry. He knew he’d sleep deeply tonight, his mind quiet and content for the first time in what felt like forever.

In a move that is almost too natural, like they’d done it for years, they fit together chest to chest. Robert’s chin rested perfectly against the tip of Aaron’s nose, their legs tangled in a way that shouldn’t have felt as comfortable as it did. They let out a contented sigh at the same time. Aaron was unable to stop himself from tracing his thumb across Robert’s cheek, leaning in for one final kiss. 

“I missed you too.” Robert had said it enough, that he deserved to hear it back. Aaron didn’t expect the smirk he got in response, if he had the energy he would have been annoyed.

“I know.”

Robert dulled the sarcasm of his words by turning his lips into Aaron’s palm before it fell between them, and curled into Robert’s own.

_Idiot._

It was the last thing Aaron remembered before his eyelids gave in and stayed shut.

* * *

When he wakes up he’s sprawled on his stomach face first into a pillow. He stretched immediately, his limbs grateful for the uninterrupted rest. He raised his head to see the sun shining through a slit in the curtains and Robert curled up facing him. He was wide awake with a baffled dreamy look on his face.

Aaron knew he needed to make the first move again. They haven’t had a chance to really clear the air and he could see Robert’s trepidation. He leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek and mumbled a hoarse good morning. The next thing he knew he was flat on his back, Robert hovering over him on braced forearms. Aaron couldn’t help but push back blonde hair that had fallen over his brow.

“I’m going to make you breakfast while you have a shower.” Robert lowered his face to pepper kisses over Aaron’s shoulder.

“Okay.” 

“And then we’re going to talk.” Teeth grazed across his collarbone and Aaron groaned.

“Okay.”

Robert kissed him quickly, bounding out of the bed before Aaron could stop him. He let himself lay there for a moment, ran his arm over the warm spot Robert left behind. Then he got his ass in gear.

The shower felt so good he took his time. He let himself go over what he was going to say. Mostly he just wanted the past over with, he’d been living there too long. With the towel snug across his waist he found Robert changed into what looks like pj’s. He seemed soft and comfortable, even if he’d done something with his hair so it was perfectly styled.

Aaron enjoyed the way Robert’s eyes raked over him before clearing his throat and nodding at the small stack of clothes on the freshly made bed.

“These should fit you, pancakes are ready.” 

Aaron wanted to reach for him but once they touched he knew they wouldn't stop. First he needed everything out in the open and no more secrets between them.

“Thanks.”

They grinned at each other as Robert walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind him. Aaron slipped into soft flannel pants that were too long and a shirt that somehow fit perfectly. He didn’t bother with his hair, it would do what it wanted anyway. 

He found Robert placing the last of what looked to be an enormous spread of food onto his coffee table. There was tea and orange juice, pancakes and various cut up fruit. In the middle of it all there was the candle flickering in the sunlight. It made him smile, clearly a new habit with Robert in his life.

Meanwhile his...boyfriend? Lover? No, not that. His...Robert was standing there looking proud at his efforts with his hands on his hips. Aaron couldn’t help but walk straight to him, let himself be led to the sofa and fed. 

It was good, actually it was amazing. It was one thing to be able to cook and it was a whole other to have all this just there in your fridge when you needed it. Aaron had some cans and possibly some cheese at home. He wouldn’t be able to do all this. It was another stark contrast between them that gave him pause. 

Robert must have sensed his change in mood, his hand moved to rest on Aaron’s knee and gave it a small squeeze.

“Good?”

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten so much or so well.

“Yeah, unbelievably good. Thank you.”

Aaron watched Robert shine under the small compliment. He liked being able to give him that, he didn’t really feel like he had much else to offer. He shook the thought from his head and situated himself in the corner of the couch. He grabbed a pillow to hold like a shield against his chest. Robert took the hint and moved to do the same. Aaron hated that he felt so far away but until the conversation was over it seemed the right way to go about it.

Robert tilted his head and used those powerful eyes to show he was ready. Aaron just wasn’t sure he was. Once again it was his turn to lay himself bare and it would never be a comfortable feeling. But hopefully it would be worth it.

“I want you to know that I’m not mad at you about your past or for lying to me. That was never...that’s not what hurt, you know?” Aaron picked at non-existent lint on the pillow in his arms. “I can understand why you did it. I get it.”

Robert gave a vigorous nod and waited.

“It was...look, you and I...it’s been so much. Right from the start. Not in a bad way or anything.” Aaron sighed at his inability to find the words he’d practiced on his drive to Whitby the night before. “Am I alone in thinking that or…”

“Of course you aren’t.” Robert leaned forward, Aaron could see he was fighting his instinct to touch. “You know that I…”

“I know.”

They smiled softly at each other before Aaron cleared his throat and continued. 

“After we talked I thought a lot about it, didn’t really think of much else if I’m honest. I just couldn’t wrap my head around it all. It hurt when you walked away, and I hated how easy it was for you to do that.”

“I’m so sorry.” The regret in Robert’s whisper healed a little bit more of the pain that lingered. 

“I know you are. But that’s not…” Robert had regrets but Aaron had them too. Everything was still so twisted together in his mind. Their separate pasts, their uncertain present, a future he wanted to see. Everytime he attempted to separate them he failed. “It was my mom who helped me get it in the end.”

Aaron rubbed at his face, plucked up what little bit of courage he had left. 

“I was sitting at the pub, just staring into my pint glass. She was being nosey like always, wanted to know why I seemed down or whatever. Next thing I know I was sitting in the back room telling her everything. About trying to drown myself as a kid. About you and who you really are. About it all. I just couldn’t keep it in anymore.”

He blinked at the tears in his eyes, grateful they didn’t fall.

“And she was...she was great actually. I guess she’d had her suspicions when I was young but never pushed because I was already in therapy due to the stuff with…well you know.”

Aaron watched Robert stretch his arm over the back of the sofa, close enough to reach. He didn’t think twice about raising his own hand and locking them together. It helped, the feel of Robert’s skin making him stronger.

“It was hard, telling her. But when it was over I felt free. The last bit of shame was gone. I always told myself it was always to protect her but it wasn’t was it? It was about protecting myself.” He squeezed Robert’s fingers. “And it made me think of you.”

Robert didn’t say anything but he didn’t have to, his confusion was written all over his face.

“I get that’s how you felt about your mates, about me. That we would look at you differently, maybe even hate you. But I didn’t, at least not because of that. I mean...I was hurt yes but I never hated you. I hated that you had the ability to hurt me. But you’re still you and that’s who I want to be with, if you’ll still have me.”

Aaron opened his arms on instinct as Robert launched himself towards him, shoving the pillow out of the way. He pressed his face into the soft cotton of Robert’s shirt and held on.

“Of course I’ll have you, I never wanted to leave you.” Robert’s words were gentle in his ear, “I don’t ever want to hurt you again.”

Aaron pulled back, raised his hand to Robert’s neck and curled his fingers in.

“You end us again you better mean it.” 

A look of horror crossed Robert’s face.

“Don’t joke about that.” 

“It’s not a joke.” Aaron meant it. It wasn’t about getting in a dig but it was important Robert understood. “I can’t go through that again just for you to change your mind”

He got a nod in response, Robert twisting his body so they were curled up beside each other, limbs tangled together again.

“So we start over?” Fingers played at the hem of Aaron’s shirt, Robert’s display of affection making his question all the more poignant.

Aaron laid his forehead against Robert’s and breathed.

“No, we keep going forward. Together.”

Robert’s happy sigh brushed across his lips as Aaron bumped their noses together. He moved to tuck his head under Robert’s chin, lazily rubbed his fingers down his thigh. Aaron didn’t protest when he lost the warmth for a moment as Robert reached for the knitted blanket to spread over them both. Once cocooned together Aaron felt like they were finally past it, they were them again.

“So…” Robert ran his fingers through Aaron’s hair, tugged so he lifted his gaze making them eye to eye. “Want to make out?”

Aaron laughed, exhilarated that it felt exactly how it had before the mess had been made. Just him and Robert and whatever fate had in store. He grinned and let himself be kissed.

* * *

Aaron woke up suddenly, nearly rolling off the sofa at the banging on the door. It took him a moment to realize where he was, Robert still fast asleep with his arm thrown over him. 

They had indeed recaptured their previous make out session, ridiculously innocent and shamelessly hot at the same time. The warmth of each other and the still burning candle lulled them into a mid morning nap. From the look of things they’d slept into late afternoon and someone desperately wanted into Robert’s house.

He decided to leave his boyfriend sleeping, because yeah that’s what he was, he’d admit that now, and sprinted quickly to the front door. As he opened it a body barged in as a bottle of red wine was shoved in Aaron’s face.

“Well Blaine canceled our date because he realized I’m not long term material.” Aaron watched Clive shrug out of a smart looking blazer and hang it somewhat aggressively on the coat rack. “Whatever the fuck that is supposed to...oh shite.”

Clive looked mortified when he turned and realized he was face to face with Aaron. His cheeks went pink, and his mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish.

“Fuck, I interrupted.” He took in the fact Aaron was clearly a rumpled mess. “I am so sorry. I didn’t know...but you’re back. That’s fantastic. He’s been a right nightmare without you. Seriously, you think I’m the dramatic one.”

Aaron just smiled at him and enjoyed the way Clive blustered animatedly.

“I’ll get out of your hair.” He moved to grab the wine and then stopped himself. “You two keep that, I’ll just…”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Aaron shut the door and jutted his head in the direction of the sitting room. “Come on.”

He walked into the room to see Robert sitting up and blinking at him in surprise. Clive popped his head through the doorway and gave them both a sheepish grin.

“Mate, what are you doing here?” Robert rubbed the sleep out of his eyes but was clearly already tuned in that his friend was upset.

“Some useless twat broke off their date so we’re going to get him drunk and order in a takeaway.” Aaron put the bottle down on the kitchen island and started to clean up the breakfast dishes that still littered the coffee table.

“You really don’t have to do that. I’m fine.” Clive seemed unsure as he shuffled more into the room. Aaron caught the look he shot Robert, an apology in his eyes. Robert glanced at Aaron who winked in response.

“Don’t be daft. Get in here.” Robert stood up and dropped the blanket on the corner. “Let me get you a glass.”

Aaron stacked the used dishes by the sink, felt the caress of Robert’s hand down his back as he leaned over to get wine glasses from the cupboard.

“Well first he texts me that he’s looking forward to our date. Then 45 minutes later he cancels because he says he’s looking for the real thing and supposedly I’m not it.” Clive flopped himself dramatically on the sofa, throwing his arm over his eyes. “There was even a typo in the bloody text. How did my standards get so low? Is this who I have become?”

He sat up suddenly and looked at Aaron with his signature flirty gleam. 

“So you’re 100% set on Robert then? I couldn’t sway you to reconsider?”

“Unfortunately for me I did meet him first.” Aaron smirked as Robert gave him a dirty look. Clive’s laughter of delight was worth it. 

“We’re ordering pizza, because who gives a fuck about my physique anymore. If I’m going to be alone then I’m getting extra cheese.”

Clive dug out his phone. Robert pulled a beer out of the fridge and handed it to Aaron. As he picked up the glasses he’d poured for himself and his mate he pressed a kiss to Aaron’s cheek and whispered a soft thank you. He shrugged in response, if it was Adam he’d want Robert to act the same way. Plus his broken heart had just healed and no one should go through that alone.

He caught himself watching Robert move, the way he handed Clive his wine with a concerned look on his face for his hurting mate. Robert loved fully and completely. Aaron felt lucky that he got to have some of that directed at him. 

Clive’s shout over the brim of his glass broke Aaron from his soft thoughts.

“Dingle, do you have an opinion on olives? Because I’ll pick them off if I have to but I won’t like it.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am pretty sure we're going to have two more chapters but this fic has a few more things it wants to say. Thank you for the well wishes and the kind comments. I am glad you're still coming a long on this ride. Be well and stay safe.


	21. Synchronicity 1

Robert gently placed the blanket over Clive’s sleeping form. The way he’d spread out on the couch didn’t look comfortable but given the amount of alcohol he’d consumed in the last few hours he probably wouldn’t notice. Aaron turned off the kitchen light and handed over a glass of water. Robert put it far enough away on the coffee table to be found if Clive woke up but not close enough to get knocked over if he thrashed about. Robert had shared a bed with his mate before on vacation, and neither of them had gotten a good night’s rest the whole trip.

The evening had been unexpectedly fun. Clive’s mood had improved greatly with the help of wine, a huge amount of pizza and Aaron’s ability to take his flirting in stride. Clive didn’t seem to care that Robert had his hand on his boyfriend’s thigh the whole time, it’s just who he was. He hid his real feelings with bravado and they happily let him do so for the night.

When it came out that both Aaron and Clive loved badly made horror movies Robert was forced to watch one as well. Their shouts of laughter every time Robert hid his face from another disgusting massacre was the only reason he put up with it. Thankfully Clive was fast asleep and snoring by the time the credits rolled.

Aaron quietly cleaned up their mess while Robert made sure his mate was as well situated as possible. Later he’d marvel at how in sync he and Aaron had been that night but for now he was just thankful they’d been able to put a smile on Clive’s face. He knew how Clive felt, related to that lost and hollow feeling of missing something everyone else seemed to already have. There was nothing wrong with being alone but it was hell to be lonely.

Leaving the hall light on Robert followed Aaron into the bedroom, closing the door quietly and letting out a sigh as he leaned against it. Instantly Aaron’s hands slid around his waist, a dopey grin on his face that Robert wanted to kiss away. He tugged Aaron closer so he could do just that.

It was lazy and soft, the bitter taste of beer mixed with that sweetness Robert couldn’t name. Kissing Aaron had become one of his favourite things. It didn’t have to lead anywhere, it could just be this and he was beyond content. His friend was down the hall, sleeping beside Aaron would be enough for tonight.

He was in a happy haze as Aaron set the pace. He was pulled towards the bed, fingers digging into his back below his waistband. It hadn’t felt right to do anything other than follow where Aaron led up to this point. Last night and all throughout the day Robert had relished every touch, thankful he had it at all. He wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize where they were. They were moving forward but some things Robert didn’t want to rush. He needed to know Aaron was just as sure as he was.

Though it was becoming quite clear he wasn’t the only one who wanted.

“Can you be quiet?” Aaron punctuated his point by dragging his teeth across Robert’s bottom lip, it made his stomach quiver.

“Can you?” Robert doubted it, especially with the last time still vivid in his mind. He smirked at the memory.

“Only one way to find out.” 

With that Aaron stepped back, tugging his shirt off in one quick motion. Robert was instantly on board and suddenly desperate. He almost tripped as he kicked his pants off. He caught himself on the mattress, laughing blue eyes below him that took his breath away.

In a flash he was on his back, Aaron’s lips against his and that press of skin that drove him to distraction. They’d had slow and gentle, they’d drunkenly laughed into each other’s mouths and enjoyed one hazy morning that Robert would never forget. This time was different, all insistent caresses and needy moans. Robert loathed closing his eyes when it felt like too much, afraid he’d wake up and none of it would be real.

It felt like a battle they were fighting together. A war against the space in between them, the frustration of pent up need. It filled the room, electricity in the air that lit every part of Robert on fire. Aaron licked into his mouth, dug their joined hands into the mattress. Robert could only hold on.

“Lube?” The panting way Aaron whispered it in his ear sent a shockwave through Robert’s system. His hips bucked and he wasn’t ashamed of the whimper that escaped at the delicious friction. When Aaron moaned in response Robert felt it everywhere.

“You sure?” He’d wait. He’d be with Aaron anyway he could have him, if it was too soon…

“What do you think?” Aaron bit hard at his neck. 

“Drawer...left side…” Robert felt lost for a moment without Aaron’s fingers clutched to his own. He wanted to pull him back, one moment without him locked tight felt like falling without a net.

Aaron’s movements, quick and efficient, left Robert in awe. How did his limbs work still? How could he think at all? Robert couldn’t do more than watch. The light was still on, the sheen of sweat on Aaron’s brow glistened. He was the sexist thing Robert had ever seen. 

Back where he rightfully belonged, Aaron took Robert’s hand. The heat of his gaze, the fierce blown look in his eyes held Robert transfixed. Then Aaron slipped two of Robert’s fingers into his mouth and sucked hard. His question was clear, and all Robert could do was nod frantically in reply. He would never forget the vision of the man he loved hovering over him, head thrown back as he moved and welcomed Robert’s touch. The way he keened and whispered Robert’s name over and over again made him feel powerful, like he owned the world. Aaron held tight to Robert’s shoulders, leaned down for a messy kiss. Robert wanted to do this forever, each gasp and bit lip a memory to keep him warm at night. 

“God, now. I need…”

“Anything...it’s yours.” Robert would give him whatever he could, whatever the cost.

“Sit up. I...” 

Aaron pulled at him, insistent on kissing him as Robert shuffled himself up, took the condom shoved in his hand. His hands shook as Aaron seated himself fully, scared to breath until Aaron was ready. Robert held Aaron’s hand hips in a vice grip, leaned his head back to watch his man as he started to move.

Aaron was beautiful, lost to his pleasure but still right there with him. Robert wanted to be whatever Aaron needed but his control eventually snapped. His hips met Aaron in a desperate thrust that made them both moan obscenely. After that it was a perfect rhythm, the pleasure verging on too much, almost painful. Robert would gladly let it kill him as long as it never ended.

When they finally got there, no longer able to hold it at bay they’d both failed to be quiet. It had been impossible to even try. When Robert came, their eyes locked as Aaron’s hands curled tight in Robert’s hair, well he couldn’t bring himself to care.

* * *

**Okay so I have a request but feel free to say no.**

_??_

**Mum wants to meet you. She’s all over me about it.**

_Why would I say no to that? Of course._

**You’re sure? Not too soon?**

_Aaron…._

It had been torture kissing Aaron goodbye 12 hours earlier. He had work to get back to, their lives as a long distance couple about to really begin. Even with a plan for Robert to come out the next evening and Aaron back on the Saturday night to stay over for his shift at the youth center that Sunday it still didn’t feel like enough. Officially meeting Chas Dingle meant something and Robert was happy to cement their lives even more permanently together.

**Right. Just pints at the pub tomorrow night. We’ll make it quick.**

_What kind of flowers does your mother like?_

**You are not buying her flowers.**

_Oh yes I am._

_Miss you._

**Soft.**

**Miss you too.**

**I think they’re called carnations?**

Robert chuckled, stood up from his desk and stretched. After Aaron had left that morning he’d hydrated Clive once he came to and fed him some toast. If he’d heard Robert experiencing the most profound sex of his life Clive kept that to himself. His mate seemed rather chipper, even declared he was calling in sick to work and indulging in a spa day.

“I think it’s time I focused on myself. Nothing wrong with a little self care. No more hunting for Mr. Right, just spend time with me. Ugh, I sound like some _Eat, Pray, Love_ malarky.” Clive seemed almost shy as he said it, still curled up on the couch with a brew in his hands.

“I think it’s a brilliant idea.”

“Maybe it just needs to happen naturally?” Clive smiled over his mug. “Like you and Scruffy. I’m glad it worked out for you but know I will never stop attempting to steal him away.”

“Naturally.” Robert raised his mug in solidarity and hoped Clive was on the road to figuring it out. He’d do the best he could to support him, but it wasn’t like he was an expert. Robert wasn’t even entirely sure how he’d been lucky enough to be where he was with Aaron. There really wasn’t a guidebook. He chalked it up to fate and he felt no shame in that.

Eventually Clive sauntered away with his usual confident swagger and Robert sat down to get to work. To say he’d been unproductive over the last while without Aaron would be an understatement and he needed to get himself caught up. Aaron’s text had pulled him from his unrelenting focus, reminded him he should eat something and do laundry.

He ended up eating cold leftover pizza with a glass of wine as he watched the evening news. His phone lit up like crazy when he finally shared his updated relationship status with his mates.

**Robert - So Aaron and I worked it out. And it’s good. Really good.**

**Clive - Took you long enough to tell everyone. I was about to break.**

**Jessica - Well I lost that bet.**

**Ruby - Yay! Love you both!**

**Jessica - Ruby just smacked me and said to be nice. Happy you found someone to put up with you.**

**John - Diane and Amelia are napping but I’ll tell her when she’s up. Congrats mate.**

**Clive - Don’t get too comfortable Sugden, my plan to make him mine is already in motion**. 

Robert smiled and tossed his phone on the counter. He gathered his hamper and dumped the lot into his washer. His wardrobe of late had been on the slovenly side, no sorting required. He stopped when he heard something clang as it hit the machine. He dug around until he found what it was, the piece of sea glass he’d pocketed two nights before. He rubbed his thumb over it, still smooth and soothing. He remembered how lost he’d felt when he’d held it last, that aching emptiness disappearing when he’d walked into Aaron’s waiting arms. He grinned as he made his way back to his office nook, gently placing the glass inside the dish that held his shell. If only he could put Aaron in that spot, his collection of things the beach had given him.

He decided on an early night, laughing when he saw Diane had made her way into the group chat.

**Diane - Robert! OMG! I am so happy for you. Lunch tomorrow? I want all the details! I can’t believe John didn’t wake me up for this.**

**John - You said to only wake you in an emergency.**

**Diane - Which this clearly was.**

**John - You know I am sitting beside you right?**

**Robert - I can’t do lunch, you will have to wait until Saturday night like the rest of the peasants.**

**Diane - Boo.**

**Clive - How insulting. I am clearly a Lord, possibly a Viscount.**

**Jessica - Anyone want my opinion?**

**Diane - No.**

**Clive - …**

**Jessica - I would behead you all** . **Except John.**

 **John - Thanks**.

**Ruby - Excuse me?**

**Robert - And my phone is going on silent now...**

He muted the chat, knowing his mates this could go on for hours and he had something else he wanted to focus on. He took a long shower and prepared himself for an Aaron-less night. Once comfortably encased in bed he stared at his phone on the nightstand. He debated for maybe 30 seconds before giving in and calling.

“Hey.” Aaron’s voice was enough to spread warmth and want through Robert’s entire body. “I was just about to call you to say goodnight.”

“Now who's the soft one?”

“Oh, and what was the reason for your call?” 

Robert could see that smirk surrounded by stubble like it was right in front of him. How could you miss someone so much after only a few hours?

“Maybe I wanted to hear about your day.”

“Nothing exciting to report.” 

“Well then...what are you wearing?”

Aaron’s laugh made him feel farther away. Robert wanted him here, or to be there. He just wanted him closer.

“Fine, I’ll tell you about my day.”

“Spoilsport.” Robert wrapped his arms around his pillow and settled in. “Start from the beginning.”

“Well first I woke up because someone violently kicked me in the shin…”

* * *

“Robert, you know you’re charming. You’ll do great.” Vic’s voice ran on repeat in his mind the entire drive to Emmerdale. His sister’s faith in him was welcome. The problem was he’d met Chas Dingle before and he’d probably sprayed her with gravel when he drove away that day. She knew the truth now, and if Aaron did tell her everything that meant she also knew he’d dumped her son and then begged for him back. It wasn’t exactly the perfect situation to walk into when meeting the parents. 

He’d been confident until he realized he’d never actually met a partner’s family before. He’d never been with anyone long enough to warrant it. Maybe it was because he didn’t really had one of his own that he never broached the subject with them. It hadn’t even been on his radar until Aaron. Everything was different with them.

So now he was panicking when he pulled in front of the Woolpack with a tasteful bouquet of carnations and roses in his passenger seat. They were probably too much but he’d rather be seen as over eager than lacking enthusiasm. He’d dressed smartly, his best blazer and finest leather shoes. He wondered now if he’d come off as pretentious in the small village pub owned by the woman he needed to impress.

He took a shaky breath of fresh air before striding inside with his flashiest smile in place. He spotted Aaron sitting at the bar wringing his hands as his mother talked animatedly to him. Chas saw Robert first, her face lighting up when she noticed the flowers in his hands. Then Aaron turned to follow her gaze and their eyes locked. Aaron smiled and damn he looked good, his shoulders relaxing when he Robert shot him a wink.

He approached them confidently, though his stomach was swinging between nausea and butterflies and back again.

“Ms. Dingle it’s a pleasure to see you again. These are for you.” He passed the bouquet to her waiting hands, took it as a win when her cheeks turned pink.

“Oh these are gorgeous, thank you Robert. And please, call me Chas.” She looked between her son and Robert with beaming eyes. “I’ll be right back to get you a pint, I need to put these beautiful flowers into some water.”

When she turned away Aaron pulled out the stool beside him and offered his mouth for a chaste but warm kiss. Robert sat with a sigh, feeling stronger with Aaron’s leg pressed against his.

“Well aren’t you smooth.” Aaron’s hand slid onto Robert’s knee and squeezed. “Maybe a little too confident hmmm?

Robert shot him a smug look.

“I’m going to be so charming she’ll trade you for me.” Robert narrowed his gaze when Aaron’s hand moved up his thigh. “I know what you’re doing, you aren’t going to throw me off my game.”

Aaron just hummed and brushed his fingers against the fly of Robert’s jeans. He instinctively leaned closer when Aaron lifted his lips up to Robert’s ear.

“I’ve been thinking about you all day. It’s like I can still feel you inside me.” 

Robert almost groaned as Chas entered from the back with her flowers in a vase. Aaron moved his hand after one last squeeze and Robert was so hard it hurt. His brain was nothing but flashes of the other night, Aaron and him wrapped tightly together as they moved in unison. He wanted to grab Aaron’s hand, take him somewhere, anywhere and relive the memory.

“So Robert, tell me about yourself.” Chas’s chipper voice pulled him back to the present. Aaron just smiled like he’d won something and Robert tried to remember his own name.

* * *

“You’re a prat.” Robert pushed past Aaron after he unlocked his front door. “Your mum probably thinks I’m a mindless idiot.”

Aaron’s soft chuckle only made him more annoyed, and somehow turned on.

“She liked you, once she saw those flowers she was already planning our wedding.” Aaron’s arms wrapped around him from behind and pressed Robert’s back into his solid chest. “My uncle however definitely thinks you’re a prat.” 

Someone how a simple pint had turned into two, and then dinner, and then another pint. More and more Dingles seemed to come out of the woodwork. Uncles and cousins, more relations that were confusing to keep straight in his mind. There had been a nice pretty young girl that was Aaron’s cousin but also his uncle’s sister. It made absolutely no sense. They’d all been nice enough, except Cain who kept leveling Robert with a deadly look. When he’d escaped to the bogs Robert was almost certain the man would follow and he’d end up in the boot of Cain’s car as he was driven to places unknown.

“Trial by fire, and you survived.” Aaron nuzzled his face into Robert’s shoulder and he let himself melt into it. “Seriously though, thank you.”

Robert leaned back, happy and tired, his mouth moving before he could think better of it

“You’re just lucky I love you so much.”

They froze as the realization of Robert’s words hit them both. Robert closed his eyes and mentally kicked himself as he prepared for rejection, Aaron saying it was too soon. He’d be right but that didn’t change how Robert felt, he just hadn’t planned on vocalizing it already.

“Do you mean it?” Aaron’s voice was small and Robert squeezed his eyes tighter. He could only give a small nod in response. Suddenly Robert had his back against the wall as Aaron’s hot hands framing his face gently.

“Say it again.” Aaron’s eyes were fierce, laser focused and bright.

“Aaron…”

“Say it again. Please.”

“I love you.” 

Robert watched those eyes soften, felt the cherishing caress of thumbs against his cheeks.

“I love you too.” 

His heart stopped as Aaron pulled him down and pressed their foreheads together. It was too much, it was joy and bliss, exploding fireworks in his chest. 

“Say it again.” Fuck it, he was in love and he wasn’t going to hide it anymore.

Aaron’s silent chuckle sent a thrill down his spine before he whispered against Robert’s mouth.

“I love you too.”

And for the first time in his life Robert felt like he was right where he was always meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe one more, maybe two. It’s going to be hard to tell until I get writing the next chapter. But we’re almost at the end.
> 
> Stay well and safe. Thank you for every kudo and comment. It brings me much joy!


	22. Synchronicity 2

Aaron frowned at the mess of bowls and plates littering the countertop. He rubbed his brow and gave a side eye to the cluster of boys playing video games on the new system that had been donated just last week. Ever since word that Jules was leaving had spread the kids had been lax in their chores, a hint of melancholy to the place that had become Aaron’s second home. But this evening was her going away party and he needed the place up to scratch.

“Hey, you lot!” Aaron heard the collective groan from Sid, Jamie and Trent as they paused their game and faced him. “I will throw those controllers into the sea if you don’t get over here and tidy up.”

“We’re almost done...like four more minutes.” Sid always thought his pleading eyes would work on Aaron but Jamie and Trent knew better.

“Come on, you know he means it.” Trent chucked his controller on the coffee table and the rest of the boys followed. He was a good kid, he’d only been here a few weeks but the rest of the lads seemed to follow his lead in everything. There was a story there that Aaron didn’t know yet, but he’d listen when the young man was ready.

With that task well in hand Aaron made his way down past the girl dorms, popped his head into Jules room to see how her packing was going. She was laughing with her roommate Claire as she carefully folded her clothes and tucked them into the new suitcase they’d gotten her.

“Everything okay ladies?” 

Jules smiled at him as Claire nodded her head, her ponytail bouncing.

“You know me, can’t wait to have this place in my rear view.” Jules had been putting up a brave front all week. Even though she was headed to what Aaron hoped was better things he knew she was nervous about leaving. She’d reconnected with her aunt, the sister of her late father, and was moving south to live with her. She was hopeful it would work out, but life had dealt her enough blows that she was rightfully wary. Aaron had spoken to the aunt himself when plans started being put in motion. The woman genuinely loved her niece and wanted to take care of her, it was the most they could wish for when sending them back out into the world _._

“I’ll miss you too.” Aaron pointed at the clock sitting on the bedside table. “Cake in 45 minutes, best not be late or Sid will eat the whole thing.”

He kept going down the hall, peaked in on their newest resident. She was definitely younger than she told them she was and she didn’t say much else at all. Still it had only been two days and it would take time. Aaron had learned a lot about patience since volunteering here. Becky, if that was actually her real name, was curled on top of her bed reading a battered book. Aaron recognized it as one he’d seen Robert reading on occasion. He’d have to ask his boyfriend about it, might be a good way to get her to open up a little.

He pulled out his phone to see if he had any new messages. Robert was cooking them a late dinner due to Aaron staying for Jule’s farewell. After dinner he might actually get some time with his boyfriend before he’d be up early to head back to Emmerdale for his shift at the garage the next day. 

They’d been strong and steady for the last four months but the winter drive back and forth was wearing them both down. They tried to work it so they never spent more than two nights apart but it wasn’t entirely easy to make that happen. Robert was always willing to bring his laptop so he could do projects from Aaron’s place but it wasn’t ideal. He knew Robert loved his job and his home had all the fancy tools he needed. Aaron didn’t mind working for his uncle but it was just a paycheque.

With Christmas a few weeks away Aaron just wanted them to enjoy their first holiday season together. He was still trying to figure out the perfect gift to give but he knew Clive or Diane would make sure he didn’t fail in that regard.

“Hey Aaron, you have a second?” Mary had appeared while he’d been in his head and it made him jump a little. “I wanted to discuss something with you before the party.”

“Course.” 

He followed Mary into her office, took his usual spot in the chair across from her desk. They got along well, she loved what she did and she loved the kids. Her work ethic rubbed off on all the volunteers, which was good because Aaron was currently the only one under 50 years old.

“So I have exciting news.” She was beaming and Aaron held his breath. They’d been waiting to hear for weeks… “We got the grant!” 

Aaron sat forward in his chair to grab her outstretched hands and gave them a squeeze.

“Mary, that’s amazing. I told you the proposal was a winner.” Even with his lack of education he couldn’t miss the passion and conviction that had leapt from the pages.

“Oh shush. But this means we can officially expand, hire full time counsellors and offer more courses for the kids. Which is why I wanted to talk to you in private.”

Aaron sat back in his chair, lifted his eyebrow in confusion.

“I have a proposition for you, and the board is really hoping you won’t turn it down.”

* * *

Aaron walked into Robert’s flat and was instantly embraced by the warmth of whatever his boyfriend was cooking and the safety of being out of the rain. He thought storms got bad in Emmerdale but the ocean air was wicked when she was angry. He hung up his coat and unlaced his boots, the sound of Robert’s quiet voice singing some ridiculous pop song. 

He had a decision to make, and it was a big one. An adult one. Somehow he felt like he’d kept those at bay most of his life, kept himself hidden behind green fields and a worn garage door. Then he’d met Robert and it changed everything, but was he ready to change it all over again? Robert was never a choice, not really. Not one Aaron could turn down. This was a leap and he had never been very good at jumping.

The smile he got when Robert saw him made him wonder if this is a decision he could make just for himself.

“Smells good.” He knew he was avoiding looking his boyfriend in the eye. He was pretty sure what he wanted but he wasn’t certain where all the pieces would fall. 

“I thought I’d make something comforting. Also I wanted to get you on side, there is something important I wanted to discuss with...” Robert’s sudden silence meant he could tell something was off. He gets Aaron, and most of the time it’s a welcome feeling. Right now it just made Aaron feel exposed. Still it was almost too simple to watch Robert walk slowly towards him, let long finger’s tentatively touch his waist.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen with Jules?” 

His boyfriend had been nothing but supportive of the time Aaron spent at the center, even if that meant simply crashing into Robert’s bed at night only to leave it early the next morning. That could be different, but everything else would be too.

“Aaron, you can talk to me.” 

Robert pulled him closer, and finally Aaron looked into his favourite colour. He wanted to spend the rest of his life unable to give it a name that did it justice.

“Mary offered me a job.” He couldn’t fathom it even as the words left his mouth. “They’re expanding and they want me to run the place with Mary, be the man in the ground so she can focus on everything else. I’d have to take some courses, but they’d have me probationary until then.”

Robert didn't look surprised, not even a little. If Aaron had to guess by the way a smile broke out across his face that he saw it coming somehow.

“Of course they want you, you’re brilliant with those kids.” Robert pulled him closer. “Is it not what you want?”

Aaron shrugged but leaned further into Robert’s warmth, pressed his face into his neck and breathed in. 

“Hey...it’s okay.” Robert’s arms wrapped him tight and held him close. “You don’t have to say yes...you won’t be letting them down.”

“That’s not….” Aaron knew his words were muffled into Robert’s skin but saying them any clearer was terrifying. “What if….” He didn’t bother to continue, just sighed deep when he felt a kiss just above his ear.

“Okay I am taking the chicken out of the oven and then you are having a beer and we’ll hash it out.” Robert gave him a final squeeze before propelling Aaron towards the sofa. He sat staring into space until a bottle was pressed into his hands and an arm came around his shoulders. 

“Aaron?”

He looked around the room. Robert’s gorgeous flat that still made Aaron think he was visiting something out of a magazine. He shouldn’t fit in here, it shouldn’t feel like home but it did, it always had. Even more now that there was a photo of Aaron and Robert on the mantle, a selfie Robert had insisted on one evening as they strolled on the beach with the setting sun. On the coffee table was another vanilla candle. Robert insisted on buying one every time he was in Emmerdale, even if Aaron just sent him to the shop for a pint of milk. He was possibly the only one keeping Bernice in business.

“I don’t want to fuck it up.” Aaron leaned forward on his knees, the beer too much for his suddenly shaking hands.

“I love you, Aaron. I really do. But that’s bullshit.” 

He turned in shock, bewildered at whatever was blazing on Robert’s face. 

“What?”

“You’re amazing. That place is lucky to have you, for free no less. You give so all of yourself to those you care about and you care so much for every kid that comes into that place.”

“Robert, that’s not…”

“No. You do. The way you talk about them is, I mean I’ve never met Sid but I know he’s a damaged kid who hides behind this aloofness but you see him. Really see him. And I know that the only reason Jules is leaving is because you helped her trust herself enough to make that decision. You won’t let them down, that’s not who you are. God, you wouldn’t even know how to if you tried.” 

Aaron watched in wonder as Robert pushed up the sleeves of his jumper, a telltale move when his man was getting argumentative.

“And I won’t hear a damn word about you thinking you can’t do whatever the courses are. You’re so bloody smart but on top of that I know you’ll work your….”

Aaron couldn’t help himself, he had to push Robert back and just kiss him. And then kiss him again. He just kept kissing him until he was basically straddling him on the couch and gasping into his mouth. The glazed look in Robert’s eyes when he finally pulled away was a wonder to behold.

“You love me.” Aaron ran his fingers down Robert’s cheek. “And that is what I don’t want to fuck up.”

Robert opened his mouth but Aaron shook his head.

“I know things have been difficult lately with trying to make the distance work. If I do this then that means some overnights at the center, doing school ontop of work...add the commuting…” 

“Live with me.” 

“That’s not…”

He tried to lean back farther but Robert wasn’t having it, his hands firm and steadfast on Aaron’s arms.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about tonight, us living together. Because you’re right, the distance has been hard but only because I always want you with me.” Robert’s hands slid up his neck, a thumb gentle against Aaron’s jumping pulse. “I can work anywhere, I’ll live anywhere you want. Emmerdale, here, somewhere in between. It doesn’t matter to me.”

Aaron believed him. He always believed Robert, even when it was the last thing a sane person would do. But there was a small voice inside saying it was too soon, or that at some point Robert would see Aaron wasn’t enough.

“I can’t ask you to give up your life and your home for me.” He never wanted to be a part of something Robert might regret. Never wanted to let him down.

Robert smiled, the one he only gave Aaron, the one Clive had called _disgustingly soft_ on more than one occasion. It never failed to make Aaron feel like he was where he was supposed to be.

“When are you going to realize that you are my home?” Robert pushed up to press their foreheads together. “How’s that for soft?”

And just like that Aaron happily and without a second thought jumped because he knew Robert would catch him. 

* * *

“I swear we had another gift for Amelia, did you check the bedroom closet?” Robert rushed past him, almost tripped over the pile of bags in the hall. His boyfriend had already looked twice, but it appeared he was checking again.

Aaron took the opportunity to roll his eyes. A new thing that he’d learned was Robert was essentially a mixture of excited child and gift giving fiend during the holiday season. It was adorable and a tad overwhelming. Aaron came home most evenings to a pile of freshly wrapped presents shoved under the tree. Then Robert would pick up each one, tell Aaron to guess who it was for and what it was. It was daft but it made his boyfriend happy so he played along.

Aaron had officially moved in just a month before. Once he’d made the decision he didn’t see the point in waiting. He had worried about his choice, how it might impact the people he cared about or how Robert’s mates would react. He hadn’t needed to. Like all things since they’d met it just worked itself out.

His mum was ecstatic, especially after she’d come for dinner and seen Robert’s place. She blubber that her baby was growing up and then drank more of the expensive wine Robert poured her.

Cain gave him an approving nod and then told him he was a shite mechanic anyway.

“Saves me having to sack you.” His uncle grinned at his own joke. Then they silently agreed to ignore the fact that they both sniffled a little when they shook hands and then fell into an unusually affectionate hug.

Adam had been the hardest. Leaving his best mate behind was the end of an era. No more late night beers and gaming marathons. No more leaning on only each other, their lives expanding more and more each day. Once again it was needless. Adam became an excited toddler, asking Vic to move in which she readily accepted.

“Mate, this time next year we could be real brothers. Brothers-in-law. Imagine!” Adam’s pint glass had clanked against his so hard their beer spilled all over the bar and Chas had given them both a smack.

As for Robert’s mates, well they were his now too. He’d had lunch with Ruby and Jessica just the other day without Robert. Clive came over to watch a movie with him while Robert worked late on a project in the other room. John happily placed Amelia in his arms whenever he was around, insisting that Aaron’s wardrobe of all black was perfect for hiding baby drool.

So here Aaron was on Christmas Eve, trying to figure out how they were going to carry everything the few minutes to Clive’s where no doubt everyone was waiting for them. There would be food and wine, presents and baby Amelia passed around to be loved on. Aaron couldn’t help but adore her. She had a fascination with smacking her chubby hands against his scruff with a giggle. Diane had called him _Uncle_ _Aaron_ two weeks ago and his throat had tightened so much he couldn’t speak. 

They needed to go but Robert was hard to contain and there was something Aaron wanted to do first.

“I just realized we gave her that plastic key set when we babysat the other day...that’s what I was thinking of.” Robert’s eyes sparkled as he rushed over and pressed a kiss to Aaron’s lips. “Ready to go?”

Aaron grabbed his hand and pulled him into the living room towards the tree. 

“One thing before we go.” He gently pushed Robert down on the sofa. “I know we’re doing presents tomorrow morning but it’s a Dingle tradition to open one tonight.”

“Oh!” Robert didn’t even try to contain his excitement. “Why don’t you open…”

“No, I have one for you.” 

Aaron dug to the back of the tree for the gift he’d snuck there just the night before. There were more expensive packages with Robert’s name on them but this one was the most important to Aaron. One he’d proudly thought of all on his own.

“Don’t shake it.” 

Robert gave him a perplexed look but took the long box carefully and placed it on the coffee table. Aaron watched as he gently pulled apart the paper and then blinked wide eyed at the gift. Aaron had it especially made, a clear acrylic box the size of a wine bottle. There was a layer of dry sand from the beach just a few blocks away that blanketed the bottom. 

“Open it.” Aaron was nervous, but when the idea had come to him he knew his boyfriend would love it. 

Robert carefully lifted the lid and looked up at him in confusion. Aaron reached into his pocket and pulled out what he’d stashed there just minutes before. He reached down and carefully placed Robert’s shell and sea glass in the sand. Then he took Robert’s hand, ran his fingers lightly across his palm before dropping his fossil in it.

Aaron felt his boyfriends shuddering intake of breath through every nerve ending in his body. They’d talked about it weeks ago, about what the beach had given them. When it came down to it they were just symbols of how they found each other, chose each other. How they always would.

“I thought we could add to it, you know, over time. I mean, if you want.” Aaron really needed Robert to say or do something other than stare at the small rock in his hand. “Robert?”

“Shh...I’m memorizing the moment.” Robert closed his eyes briefly and Aaron’s chest ached with how madly in love he was. He owed so much to that beach, this city and the man who owned all of him.

Robert finally smiled and nestled the fossil in the sand, tucked it in close to the shell. Then he shut the lid softly before standing and wrapping Asron in a tight hug.

“You love me.” 

Robert spoke the words into Aaron’s neck before pressing their cheeks together. Aaron just dug his fingers into Robert’s jumper and welcomed the familiar feeling of flying.

**  
  
  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that this fic is “over” for Aaron and Robert. I hope you enjoyed their journey in this fic that took on a life of its own.
> 
> But wait? Why does it say there is another chapter coming? Well...Clive’s story isn’t done and the next one is for him and all those who love him...myself included.
> 
> If that’s not your jam no worries just pretend it doesn’t exist. So I say thank you here and wish you a wonderful day.
> 
> I adore you all!


	23. Every Breath You Take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to all of those who fell in love with Clive as much as I did and wanted to see his much deserved happily ever after.

**Thump thump.**

Clive blinked awake, groaned and then pulled his pillow over his head.

**Thump thump.**

It was Saturday. He couldn’t handle this on a bloody Saturday. 

**Thump thump.**

God, what were they doing next door? Ripping the whole place apart? He knew he should have sold his soul to buy it. When he’d bought his flat he’d been charmed that it was a converted Victorian. Loved the original features with modernized kitchen and bathrooms. Adored Margaret, the kind and slightly deaf woman who lived next door for the last six years. She was quiet. She baked him cookies. Then the poor dear fell and broke her hip, selling the place and essentially ruining Clive’s life.

**Thump thump.**

It’d been like this for the last two weeks. Clive had found it funny at first. But mostly because he’d been working 14 hour days at the office and his focus had been on completing the Henson review. Loud bangs didn’t matter when you were running out the door at 6:00am. But he _finally_ had a day where he could sleep in, and he needed his sleep. He was almost 30 now, he no longer had youth on his side. If he’d had the money he would have purchased it himself, converted the two flats back into the beautiful home it had once been. Whoever had bought the place was probably ripping out the crown baseboards, or painting over the original wood staircase. Given the supplies constantly piled on their shared front porch nothing of its beauty would remain. The idea of it made him seethe.

**Thump thump.**

_Fuck it._

He threw back his blankets and picked up his phone. 7:36am? No. He wasn’t having this. It was bloody fucking Saturday.

He grabbed his housecoat, rich and fluffy and a deep navel blue with his name embroidered on the lapel. It had been a gift from Ruby and Jessica for Christmas four months ago and he loved it. Like it wrapped around him on lazy Sundays as he read a book and drank tea. Clearly this morning it would be his armour as he went into battle. 

**Thump thump.**

Clive stomped down his stairs, shoved his feet into his house slippers and barged out his front door. Less than six steps and he was standing in front of the door and making some _thump thumps_ of his own. He banged until it finally opened. He was momentarily surprised at the body before him. Whoever it was was covered in what appeared to be a hazmat suit, complete with goggles and white dust all over a neatly trimmed beard. They were tall, tall enough that Clive had to tilt his head to make eye contact with the fuzzy eyes before him. He was huge and looked like he could crush Clive with his bare hands. 

He might be big but Clive’s sleep deprived rage was bigger.

“Hello?”

“Are you aware it isn’t even 8:00am on Saturday? What are you even doing? Chopping up body parts?” Clive put his hands on his hips, the icy air a blast against his chest when his robe fell open. The beast looked him up and down slowly, no doubt judging his pink boxer briefs that were now visible. Like this guy had any right.

“What?” His voice was rich and deep, a hint of a laugh that Clive chose to ignore.

“Look, I am aware you’re just doing your job or whatever. I get it. I am sure whoever bought this place is an arsehole throwing their money around to get the work done quickly. But mate, it’s Saturday and I am exhausted. Not to mention that this evening I am babysitting my niece. She’s only 8 months old but she’s a handful. And work has been shite and I just want to somehow get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep and have a break from my current miserable existence so could you kindly just _not_ for today?”

Clive was out of breath by the time he finished his rant. He was aware this man probably thought he was insane but he was too damn tired to care.

“Okay.”

Clive took his hands off his hips, somewhat disappointed at how easy that had been.

“Okay?”

“Yep.”

“Well…” Clive was out of steam and suddenly felt ridiculous. He also was suddenly aware of his half naked state. He quickly wrapped his robe around himself. “....thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” The beast smiled, and showed off his straight teeth. The man was nothing but a blob of white but the tilt of his head made Clive feel _aware_ of him in a way that made no sense.

_You need sleep. You’re going insane._

“Right.” 

With that Clive turned back to his apartment, weakly climbed his stairs and face planted into his cloud of a bed. If the beast made anymore noise after that he was too passed out to notice.

* * *

Clive slept so long and so deeply that he barely had time to shower and throw on jeans and a jumper before John and Diane showed up with Amelia in tow. She reached her little hands for him instantly and he danced her around the entryway on his hip while her mother reminded him of all the ways not to kill her child as John pulled his wife out the door.

“Just you and me now darling, what do you want to do first? Play on the mat with your blocks or watch Frozen 2?”

She squealed at him and wiggled to be let down.

“Okay then, both it is.”

She didn’t pay too much attention to the movie but was fascinated when Clive got on the floor with her and sang along. His voice wasn’t half bad, and he enjoyed a good Disney tune. He fed her a bottle and the tasteless tiny crackers she got all over herself and him. They made a game of her tugging his hair in all directions. He probably looked a mess but whatever made her happy.

It was barely 7:30 when her parents knocked softly on the door. She was curled on her Uncle Clive’s chest fast asleep. Diane insisted on taking 30 photos on her mobile as she oohed and awed before he waved them on their way.

He sighed and decided to have a glass of wine and ignore the mess they’d made in his sitting room. The toys would still be there in the morning, even if scooping them up into the basket he kept in the corner would take literally no effort at all.

He debated ordering in some dinner since he hadn’t eaten anything but baby crackers all day when a knock at his door had him turning around again. He opened it with a smirk, ready to tease John or Diane for whatever emergency baby necessity they’d left behind.

His smile died when he took in the sight before him as his heart squeezed.

_Oh, there you are._

Wait...what?

“Hey, is this a bad time?” The rich voice flowed over him like fine whisky, warmed Clive from the inside out. He had to step back to look his fill at the man that filled his vision.

He was handsome, twinkling dark eyes and a reddish brown beard. His hair, artfully tossed and thick, made Clive want to sink his fingers into it. He was wearing a dark red flannel shirt, it looked buttery soft where it was rolled over strong forearms. A wine bottle was clutched in his large hands that was suddenly thrust in Clive’s direction.

“Huh?” Clive mentally chastised himself. A gorgeous mountain of a man shows up at his front door and his brain just short circuits.

“I wanted to apologize for this morning. Well for the last week. You should have said something earlier. I didn’t realize…” The giant appeared shy, unsure what to do with himself since he no longer had the bottle. “I’m Les Mitchell, I bought the place next door. Umm...we met earlier?”

He held out his hand and Clive instantly wanted the ground to swallow him whole. If he’d known all _that_ was the object of his rage he would have handled things better. Or probably not at all.

“Of course, my apologies...I…” Clive closed his eyes and mentally steeled himself at the idea they were about to touch. “Clive McFaddon.”

The moment their fingers connected it was like someone had lit a match between them. Heat and sparks, and from the look that flashed in Les’s eyes Clive hadn’t been the only one to feel it. They held on a little too long, which should have been awkward, but gazing at each other it wasn’t. It was...

Les cleared his throat when their hands finally let go.

“Please if at any time things get too noisy just let me know. I’d hate to start us off on the wrong foot.”

_Us._

Clive’s stomach kept doing this weird thing, like he’d sped too fast over a steep hill driving in the country. 

_Say something you sodding moron._

“Of course.” Clive clutched the wine tight in his hands. “I am sorry, I shouldn’t have shouted at you like that.”

Les’s smile was possibly the most beautiful thing Clive had ever seen. He wanted to run his fingers over that beard, almost certain it hid a dimple or two. 

“Nothing I didn’t deserve. I’ve just been so excited to get my hands in there. I promise you I am restoring, not destroying.” Les seemed to relax a little, leaned into Clive’s door frame and almost took up the entire space. It was overwhelming, the whole man was. Clive wasn’t small by any means, tall with a bit of muscle his regular gym visits gave him. Les looked like he lifted whole trees.

_How are his shoulders so damn sexy?_

The thought made Clive shiver. It caught him off guard and Les’s face instantly fell.

“It’s freezing, I’ll let you go.” Les stepped back with a forlorn half smile and Clive instantly felt bereft. 

Without thinking he lifted the bottle in his hands and half shouted, “Care to join me?” 

Les’s eyes widened and Clive instantly needed to backtrack. He didn’t need his new neighbour to think he was even more deranged than he probably already did.

“Silly idea, you’re probably….”

“I’d love to.” Les’s eyes seemed to shine from some unknown light source. All Clive could do was smile dumbly and step back to let him in. He realized that Les wasn’t that much taller than him as he shuffled past, just everything about him loomed large. He filled up any of the air he was in.

Clive made the mistake of looking at the glorious backside before him. He wanted to sink his teeth into it.

_It’s just been too long. That’s all. You’ve slept with better looking men._

Les glanced over his shoulder and gave Clive another deadly smile.

_Liar._

“Just make yourself at home, I’ll be right back.” 

He made his escape to the kitchen like it would save him from the crisis he was currently having. He rushed in, fixed his hair in the reflection of the window over the sink. It was just his neighbour, he was being neighbourly. It was no different then having Margaret over for tea.

_Minus the desire to shag him on every and all available services._

Clive tried to hide his embarrassment at the Amelia’s toys that littered his floor when he came out of the kitchen with glasses in hand. He found Les standing by the fireplace, staring intently at the pictures displayed on the mantle. He didn’t look like an intruder. Les seemed to ooze a quiet confidence, like he fit in everywhere. He probably did. He also probably had a string of lovers, of various varieties, all over the UK. No man that looked like that didn’t. For some reason Clive found that comforting. He had no chance with this bloke, not because he didn’t want one but because he wasn’t that guy anymore. Most importantly they shared a wall, many walls to be exact and Clive was smart enough not to mess with that.

The thought made him bold. Why not practice his flirting skills? Innocently of course. Worst case scenario he’d get his neighbour on side. When his mates came round they could get pretty loud. Margaret had been too deaf to care but Les might not be so kind.

“So, Leslie?”

Les realized he’d been caught snooping and Clive enjoyed the way his cheeks flushed with pink. He took the wine from Clive’s outstretched hand.

“Pardon?”

Clive shrugged and moved to sit in his place on his tufted sofa. He expected Les to fold himself into the comfortable and yet tasteful armchair near where he was standing. Instead he rounded the coffee table and sat on the other end. Clive had to twist to look at him.

“Les, short for Leslie?” 

Clive watched the look of mock horror cross that handsome face and sipped from his glass.

“God no.” Les folded one long leg over the other and Clive’s insides turned to liquid at the sight. “Lester, unfortunately. As a Clive I am sure you understand the lifelong blight it has been.

Clive laughed, delighted at Les’s wit. He wasn’t usually caught off guard when it came to men. He could read them within seconds. It had just been the ones he made the mistake of picking that had been the problem.

“Well here’s to unimaginative parents.” Clive raised his glass in solidarity. “So tell me Lester, how long have you been a serial killer?”

* * *

Clive was four glasses deep and head over his fucking loafers in love. Les was...he was so damn perfect it made his eyes hurt. And his head. And there was this annoying pounding in his chest that wouldn’t go away.

He was a 28 year old software programmer who had moved to Whitby on a whim after London just got to be too much. He loved working with his hands, his joyful description of refinishing his bannister had Clive enraptured. He’d paid too much for the flat because he had to have it. The man actually got joy out of manual labour. It was fascinating.

Even more so was the way he leaned his head on his hand when he listened to Clive’s ramblings. He drank his wine and at the same time seemed to drink in Clive as well. One glass became two, and then three and the lack of any actual food was taking its toll. Possibly on both of them because Les seemed fascinated by anything Clive said. It was heady being the sole focus of the man’s attention. 

Clive had people who loved him just the way he was, enjoyed his company and found him sarcastic and fun. But no one had ever looked at him the way Les was looking at him now, and if they had it surely hadn’t made Clive feel the way he did now.

_Too much wine. Too. Much. Wine._

Lost in his own thoughts he realized they’d been quiet for a while, comfortably so. Alcohol was always a good balm for awkwardness. That or those eyes were just magic. Possibly.

“You know when I decided to move here I worried I was being too fanciful.” Les stretched to put his empty glass on the coffee table, his forearms making Clive’s mouth water. “But right now I am almost certain I made the right decision.”

Clive laughed at the idea.

“Yes, I can imagine your first sight of me solidified your choice.” 

“Oh, I’d seen you before today, coming and going. Dashing about in your shiny shoes and classy suits. Very dapper.” 

Clive felt his cheeks heat up. Right now he was anything but, he probably had Amelia’s drool somewhere on his jumper.

“I am glad I gave some semblance of sanity.” Clive put his own glass down, mostly so he could look anywhere other than the space Les took up. “I don’t even want to know what you thought when you opened the door this morning.”

“It was somewhere along the lines of _he’s even sexier when he’s angry.”_

Clive turned his head so fast the room spun a little. He watched Les’s shy smile slowly morph into one of embarrassment, the realization of what he’d just said stretched out into the silence between them.

“What?” Clive barely got the words out. He couldn’t have...did he? Wait, did he?

_There you are._

“Shit, I’m so sorry.” Les rubbed his hands on his jeans. “Just forget I said that. Too much booze. I don’t want to make this...you don’t have to...dammit. I’m just going to…”

Clive knew what it was when life dropped a gift into your lap. The money his boss/lover had offered to keep his mouth shut. Moving to Whitby and finding a flat and job he loved. Walking into a pub and seeing Robert’s laughing face behind the bar, the gateway to his _family._ His friends, his life, he never questioned whether he deserved it. He just grabbed on and held tight for as long as he could.

That might be the only reason that he shot forward, one hand on Les’s knee and the other on that flannel that was as soft as he’d imagined. The reason he leaned forward and pressed his lips gently against Les’s, let his beard tickle Clive’s chin before he pulled away. It had been chaste, probably the most gentle kiss he’d ever shared. 

When he leaned back he opened his eyes to see Les gazing at him, scanning Clive’s face like he was some sort of work of art. 

_How is this even happening to me right now?_

Les’s hand came up to cup Clive’s cheek, rough and calloused but unmistakably tender. No one had ever touched him like that. He felt almost cherished, or at least what he imagined that feeling felt like.

It was the last thought he had before Les pulled him in, mouth hot and demanding, wine sweet tongue sweeping against his own and making him _want._ He clutched his hands into Les’s muscular shoulders and held on for dear life.

* * *

**Sometime much much later**.

The shrill tempo of their alarm clock had Clive throwing his arm out on instinct. He pressed his face into his pillow. He wanted to stay sprawled on his stomach with Les wrapped around him. Alas it was love that had him getting up this early on a Saturday. 

“Darling, time to get up.”

The warm weight on his back groaned. He felt a soft kiss to his shoulder and then arms squeezed him tight.

“No.” Les’s gravelly voice first thing in the morning was sinfully sexy but they had no time for that today. “Five more minutes.”

“You said that 10 minutes ago. And then five minutes ago.” Clive bucked his hips and tried to dislodge his fiancé. “This was your idea and you hate being late.”

A warm hand slid down his back to palm at his ass.

“Why did you let me say yes to this?” Les’s hand trailed heat and sparks back up Clive’s skin. 

“Because I will never say no to watching you run around in shorts. It’s like you don't even know me.” Clive attempted to dislodge himself from Les’s hold once again. “It’s your first game. Go team.”

Les chuckled and pushed himself up to give him a kiss full on the lips. It took everything in Clive not to take the bait. He could see Les’s pout in the dark before the warmth was gone as he rolled out of bed. Clive listened to the telltale creeks of Les heading to the bathroom before forcing himself out of the warmth of the duvet

Though at times he missed his flat there was no way Clive would let Les live anywhere else after all the hard work he’d put in. Plus it had a bigger living area and one more bedroom. They ended up leasing next door to a lovely young couple with a newborn. Bless his man for insulating so well they never heard a peep.

Clive reached blindly into his drawers and pulled on the first pair of boxer briefs he could find. The soft glow from the hall light was already too bright for his sleepy eyes. At least Robert promised to bring whisky spiked coffee to the game and Clive never turned down free alcohol. 

It was cute how well Aaron and Les got along. To be fair everyone loved Les, you’d have to be heartless not to. But they bonded over tearing things apart and then building them again. It was hot. Even Robert had to admit to that. Now they had both joined a footie team in Whitby’s mixed LGBTQ+ league and that was even sexier.

Clive heard Les coming out of the bathroom and headed to brush his teeth. He made it to the doorway before Les stopped him in his tracks. He had a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair was wet. He was giving Clive _that_ look.

“Darling…”

“You’re wearing the pink ones.” Les started stalking towards him. Clive put his hands up and felt his insides melt when they connected with solid muscle. “You know how I feel about that.”

Clive laughed.

“We don’t have time.”

“20 minutes.” 

Les dropped his towel and dug his fingers into Clive’s hips to pull them closer. Clive opened his mouth to protest but Les’s lips on his neck made it difficult to come up with a reason.

“10.” Clive felt that was a fair counteroffer.

Les’s bit gently into his skin and Clive moaned. Without his permission his fingers came up to curl into Les’s hair. He could feel Les’s smug smile against his skin.

“15.”

_Well if they broke many speed limits they could maybe..._

“Fine but you’re doing all the work.”

Les grunted his approval as he lifted Clive onto the dresser and kissed him fully awake. 

* * *

They ended up being 10 minutes late. Clive cheerfully winked at Aaron’s disapproving scowl from the sidelines as Les jogged towards his teammates.

“Don’t worry, Dingle! He’s had his warm up!” 

Clive’s shout was met with cheers and whistles from the field. His heart did it’s Les swoop as Clive watched him stretch. He knew what that body could do. Hell, his own muscles could use a good stretch because of what that body had done.

Clive turned to the stands after one last lingering look and walked towards Robert who was tiredly holding up a large takeaway cup. Ever the dutiful husband there was no way Robert would be late to Aaron’s first game. 

“Good morning, Clive.” Robert shuffled over to share the blanket he was sitting on. He didn’t bother to hide his knowing grin.

Clive took a long sip of his whisky laced coffee and sighed. 

“That it is, Sugden. That it is.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may have been the most fun I have ever had writing a chapter. It was pure indulgence. I hope you enjoyed Clive getting his own Aaron.
> 
> Not sure with everything when I'll get a chance to write more fic. Seems almost unbelievable that it has been a year since we lost Robert. But as we all know, Robron is forever.

**Author's Note:**

> No editing done but my own eyes, and I'm near sited so sorry about that.
> 
> [@some-mad-lunge](https://some-mad-lunge.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr. Come say hi!


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